#actuallybiid

if it was possible, i would like to change my form in all kinds of ways – that optimistic, utopian vision of full morphological freedom. but i can't even do something that's medically possible now. i can't remove a part of my body that i feel completely alienated from. and it should be enough that i don't want it! yes, i do feel an inescapable mental torment and i think there's probably something wrong with how my brain recognizes that limb...but that doesn't matter! it's part of me and i don't want it to be. that should be enough.

Figured out today that I’m schizotypal, which in turn made me realize that my BIID is like the textbook definition of a delusion. Super interesting to think about, I think

if you “support morphological freedom”, but only if someone's desired body fits your aesthetic / doesn't gross you out / is abled / etc, you do not actually support morphological freedom.

when i talk about how my biid manifests, people sometimes reply with things like “uhh knee disarticulations are hard to achieve, so you know” or “why not bk?”. it's like they don't understand that this is involuntary, and i can't just make my xenomelia focus on a more “convenient” amputation.