#actuallyaudhd

The Body Check-In Cheat Sheet

And the fact Elsa is more commonly headcanoned as autistic while Anna only gets ADHD headcanons at most (which she definitely has too, this isn't an "or" situation, the term AuDHD exists for a reason) is just further proof for me. Like, thanks for fueling my headcanon even more, because I literally lived this situation.

As someone who wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult and needed a literal mental breakdown before I was ever tested, compared to my sister who was diagnosed much younger, because "we could see it", it's really not hard for me to see that in Anna and Elsa.

To me Anna is the literal definition of invisible autism ("Autism where the challenges and difficulties associated with the condition are not immeditately apparent to an observer. This means there are no outward physical signs, and the struggles with communication, social interaction, and sensory processing are not readily visible."). The type where you're constantly called weird for "not being normal enough", but also called "too normal" to be considered autistic.

AuDHD Anna, my beloved, they will never take you from me!

don't ask, don't get. unfortunately this is often true and even more unfortunately, this is not actually bad

being hypervigilant and constantly looking for stress and tiny ways to make other people 'better' instead of letting them deal with their problems is not morally superior

being passive aggressive instead of aggressive is also not morally superior

no-one can read your mind

this is a good thing actually

you must accept that uncomfortable things only get comfortable with practice

therefore, practice stating your wants and wishes, and recognise that whilst doing so it will be uncomfortable

whilst you are doing so, you must extend compassion to yourself: if you did not 'have' any wants and needs growing up, identifying them can take some time!

start small. tell your friends, 'I'd like to go to this cafe'. think about whether you'd prefer the chocolate or the strawberry. are you just buying the cheapest thing? if you have the money to not do that - why?

do you like red? or green? or blue? exercise these muscles by window shopping in shops you will never buy from. look online at clothes. if you're not a man - what would you buy, if you were? if you like to dress skimpily - what would wear if you had to dress modestly? if you suddenly had a holiday to norway? the bahamas? if you had to go to a ball? if you had a million pounds, what would you buy?

remember your dreams. why the treehouse? why not the castle? what is it in YOU that likes the tree? find it. look at it. hold it.

the more you do this within yourself, the easier identifying your wants and needs may be

the more you can identify them, the easier communicating them will be (though it will still be scary)

recognise that you may have had love withheld for having wants and needs. recognise whether this is true now. if it is, consider whether you want to be in that kind of relationship/friendship.

consider whether it's maybe also your own fault

I don't mean this in a shame way. but only YOU can change how you show up in relationships. only YOU can change the people you choose

but that's not easy. not easy, but it's possible

if your partner/friends do love you in the way you want to be loved: be gentle with yourself, but recognise that you must take responsibility for this change

it's not their job to read your mind

from the other side of things: being constantly watched and examined often makes the other person feel like they can't express their emotions

they often feel stifled

they often feel avoidant, or want to pull away

they want to be in a relationship with another person. not a mirror of themselves.

you are not being kind to them, adult to adult, by being hypervigilant

you are not being kind to them, adult to adult, by suppressing your frustrations and wants because 'they should just know'

this in itself can be traumatising to THEM. it may bring up past memories. you may be, inadvertently, acting just like a parent or parent-figure

no, they don't just know. no, they can't just tell. does this make THEM worse? a bad person?

be nice. don't put them in that position. don't make them feel awful for not being able to read your mind

be kind to them

be kind to yourself

gentle discipline. that's the only way forward. loving discipline, and loving choices made every day to respect yourself, and them. this means discomfort.

it will hurt

but discomfort means growth. new life. new beginnings.

The results:

"if your child--"

"if your autistic child is having a meltdown "

"[anything by autism speaks]"

Next month I'll be one year post-op from my hysterectomy, and I'm still absolutely relieved and delighted to have it done and behind me. I'm also five years on testosterone as of this year, which feels like a big milestone! I went to Pride last month and had a mildly stressful but otherwise great time; the size of my local Pride event has grown tremendously since I last went pre-pandemic, and I do love that for us even though it does make the event less accessible to navigate.

I also got my official autism diagnosis last month, after 15 years of being self-identified. Guess what? I was right all along! I am Autistic. And ADHD too, actually. It was a lengthy, complicated, expensive, and mildly traumatic process; I'm still working through everything that happened during the assessment and how I feel about it. I'm working slowly through an absolute ton of internalized ableism and shame. I'm also dealing with the lack of support that comes after a late autism diagnosis, because there really is nowhere to turn for an adult diagnosed in their 30's.

It feels weird to log back into this account after being away so long and so much happening. I've been thinking recently about making positive trans content for this blog again, with everything going on in the world. But so far I've been unable to make it happen with everything else going on in my life.

Get the ball rolling by doing light and easy tasks first. Frequently, my first task on the list is 'eat/take meds'. Doesn't matter how small it is, crossing a thing off your list makes you feel like you're doing something, which keeps you motivated. If you have ADHD, especially if you're unmedicated, you need motivation more than you need air in your lungs. Whatever it takes to get the ball rolling for you is absolutely key.

Have a list of tasks broken down into baby steps. Crossing things off a list makes you feel accomplished and productive, no matter how small, which can keep you motivated.

Start small, and if that's not small enough, go smaller. If step 1 is 'make coffee' and that feels overwhelming, you need to break down 'make coffee' into smaller steps, starting from pouring water into the coffee machine. If you know the exact steps it takes to make coffee, then you can outline to yourself how easy and not overwhelming this task is so that you can get it done.

Before you beat yourself up about not doing something, ask yourself why you don’t want to do it and solve that problem first. You are the first task to take care of. Make sure you've eaten, drank water and have taken care of yourself so that you're physically and mentally prepared to be productive.

You can start or stop doing anything at any point, time is fake and you can pause a youtube video. Mop your floors at 3 am.

Hop between larger and smaller tasks to keep things interesting. For instance, if you're deep-cleaning the bathroom, you can take a short break by doing the dishes or taking out the trash or other smaller tasks instead before going back to the bathroom. This technique, (called 'junebugging' in an older tumblr post I saw), keeps that motivation ball rolling.

Complaining makes everything better. Don’t ‘do it scared’, do it bitching and moaning and dragging your heels until it’s finished.

Doing things will make you feel like there's more time in the day than if you’re sitting around not doing things because you’re worried about how little time you have.

Better to half-ass it than to no ass it by not doing it. Done shitty is better than not done, and done at all is more attainable than perfect.

A half-assed draft can be edited, but a blank page can’t. Get it done first, then you can clean up the details and start perfecting it.

Don’t over complicate or over think it. In fact, don’t even think it. Just do it. The more time you allow yourself to ruminate on the task, the more you’re gonna overthink and overcomplicate it. Don’t think, just do.

It’s often better to drop everything and do a task as soon as you’re thinking about it than it is to finish whatever you’re working on and do it later. You will get distracted, you will forget, so step away from the washing machine and brush your teeth, the laundry will be there when you get back in 3 minutes.

Count yourself down from 3 very quickly to help yourself get motivated to switch tasks, like 3, 2, 1, go! Clapping, snapping, tapping feet, dancing, etc, as you count down can help you to switch gears both mentally and physically.

Your iPad baby brain needs a screensaver when doing non-mentally stimulating tasks like cleaning out the pantry, so listen to a podcast, a TV show, call a friend, etc, while doing them.

Game-ify your tasks through setting timers. See how many dishes you can get done in 20 minutes (after which you switch tasks and do the rest later). Alternatively, just set a timer for 10 minutes before you have to switch to a different task, like junebugging. Don't play "I have to get everything done in 1 hour" because that game will stress you the fuck out.

Stay motivated at all costs. You are the only person who can motivate yourself, so you need to find the things that motivate you to be productive and hang on to them for dear life, until they don't work anymore, at which point switch things up to keep it interesting. Keeping it interesting is the ultimate key to staying motivated.

audhd stamps<3