#actorsofwar

I’ve been going through an identity crisis, I think ever since I got a job back in 2017. I’ve become increasingly reclusive and afraid of the world. I’m talking about people. But that’s been going on since I was a toddler. I’m perfectionist, which means I’m paralyzed. I’ve not received any support or help for this.

Sometimes, MS Word fails in the visualization department. So, I’ve implemented the use of the corkboard from Scrivener by adding a texture on Scapple. With Scapple I’m able to move headers and ideas around freely and resize them. I am hoping this will help get the ball rolling with at least the first scene. It’s time. It needs it.

Behind-the-scenes look into how I rendered the Actors of War logo animation

Converted to gif image

How the ideas for the story chronologically formed is different from the way I look at everything now in hindsight. As I’ve matured and learned new things, I often reread them in a new light and maybe even think of how juvenile this idea was, or ‘Damn, did I actually write this?’, or ‘I’m not sure if I want this idea anymore, but let’s recycle it somehow’. Besides trying my best to record with a shitty attention-span, I also try to record what I was thinking about at the time leading to why I came up with the idea. Memory is unreliable, so I used to carry a small notebook and pen literally everywhere with me, and transcribe it all over to a flash drive. Unfortunately, I cannot do that much anymore these days. While I record on my smartphone now, life also happens. You get a job. The job consumes you and tries to eat up your whole mental space. A relationship happens. They take up even more space and ruin your already fucked-up perceptions of people. You kick them out, leaving a fucking void to fill. Shit happens. Anyway.