#actor probs

Film and television studios are usually situated outside the downtown core, in the middle of nowhere, partly because if somebody’s shooting exteriors they don’t want any tall buildings in the background interfering with the setting of the project. When you’re a broke actor with no driver’s license, like me, you’ve got to do that walk of shame through No Man’s Land to the studio from the nearest subway station because you’re not in any position to pay for a cab and you are too easily replaceable to risk being late waiting for that bus that never comes. All the smokers outside can see you coming from a mile away. My partner did a job with the same studio and they sent him a driver. I am well aware of my status. Might as well skip onto the lot waving a big flag that says “I HAVE NO COMMERCIAL VALUE”. 

I definitely enjoy using a fake name here as much as anybody, but it’s more of a 4th wall thing for me. Once I’ve worked with (or slept with) someone, I can’t be a fan anymore. It’s too intimate. It’s wrong. Believe me, I’ve tried. Need some distance for imagination. Ever heard the expression “one should never meet one’s hero”? (Unless they turn out to actually enrich your quality of life, in which case it’s totally worth giving up a slice of fandom for a piece of that gig/ass.) The more I work and fuck, the more threadbare my fandom life becomes. Best case scenario for my career means I will have to keep scrubbing this blog till there’s nothing left. 

Anyway, nothing to worry about, totally fucked up my callback today. Casting director has suddenly taken an interest in me (now that the show’s almost fucking over!), but I was booked for two completely different auditions for different casting directors at the exact same time in the same building today (my agent is drunker than I am), and I had to change emotional gears way too fast. I can do naked-coke-head-party-girl, and I can do down-and-out-victim-of-circumstance, but I need more than like 15 seconds in between to change my clothes and my headspace. Maybe a really amazing actor can do it. Something to work towards.