#act 03.

the definition of safety is no longer one nikki knows. there were times even in her past that safety evaded her, but now it was completely gone, taken with it her confidence and some of her sanity. theo had always been kind. he'd never made her uncomfortable ( on accident or otherwise ), he was a gentleman in every sense of the word. he took care of her then, and he was taking care of her now. the difference was that she was more of a burden currently than she ever had been, before. 'you shouldn't have to keep me save,' nikki murmurs after a moment, running a hand through long, black locks. 'you shouldn't even have me here, theo. if anyone found out you were literally harboring a fugitive, i . . .' she couldn't live with herself. she could barely do it now. 'you're good at keeping me safe, so let me do it for you, just once. don't let me stay,' but she wouldn't walk out on her own if he decided she was worth the risk. @studiodrafts.

it didn't take much to break her, these days. sometimes she cried so often that her eyes burned, water so far gone from the ducts at the corners of her lashes that she was mostly heaving in breaths instead of actually sobbing. she thought she was doing better, given the circumstances. but cynthia's words cut down into a place past her skin, tucked behind a heart that was still too big for its spot in her chest, and her eyes well as if she hadn't been trying to hold herself together. 'i am only what he did to me. that's all that's left. because this sure as hell isn't me, anymore,' the shell of herself, maybe, but certainly not the nikki freeman who was going to be a novelist and show her father exactly who she was. quick hand reached up to brush away tears, though they simply kept coming. 'i'm fucked up. i'm going to be fucked up forever, and it's his fault. i know that. but that doesn't change the fact that my life is still over,' @runeread.

she was the same, once. before her life had been taken away from her without her consent. always moving, always needing to keep her hands busy. now she found herself squatting in houses, taking odd, under the table jobs just to get a bite to eat or a dingy motel room for one night. she didn't get to move around, but her body still yearned to. that part of her was envious of addison, because despite what she'd been through, she still chose to do more. nikki didn't feel as if she had that luxury, anymore. 'ever tried sitting on your hands?' the teasing tone fell short, but nikki still gave addison a small smile. 'i get it. sitting around doing nothing is really fucking hard, sometimes. find myself doing it more and more, these days . . .' @starsmourn.