I get really mad and fight-y when I have a bad day. Frankly we're all very proud of me for not biting anyone. The only sure fire way to cheer me up is stupid dad jokes or getting to actually kick the shit out of something lol. A dad joke somehow just? disengages Fight Mode instantly it's like the world's dumbest off switch
Draken may be drinking but I'm not!
Hi hi!! I hope you enjoy! Dad jokes are always amazing.
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Fandom: Genshin Impact
Characters: Wanderer/Scaramouche, GN!Reader
Summary: You're going to die thinking about a man whose name you don't even know.
Warnings: Violence
1k // AO3 // Masterlist
A/N: Another request from @acidsbeats! Thank you for helping @ficsforgaza once again, and thank you for your patience this time as well! ^^
Damn, you wish you could fly. If your friend were here, he'd carry you down the cliff. Anemo Visions are so useful.
But he’s not here. Bandits are. They separated you from the caravan you were guarding, then drove you up a cliff overlooking Mawtiyima Forest. You're trapped between a waterfall and a long drop.
Your friend could hold them back. Then again, your friend could escape without certain death. Your friend is awesome.
Except for the fact that he wont tell you his name. It’s been almost a year since you met the wandering Inazuman, but he just won’t reveal it.
“Call me whatever,” he said, more annoyed every time you asked.
Well, Whatever won’t have to worry about it anymore.
You dodge the fist headed for your face. Another lands in your stomach. You cough, but still manage to elbow the guy responsible. He stumbles away, clutching his nose. You have maybe a second to catch your breath.
One man lounges in the back of the crowd. He nods towards you, and two more Treasure Hoarders walk forward. He’s the ringleader, clearly, but you have no clue why he’s targeting you specifically. He had a chance to steal your client’s wares but chose to chase you instead.
You beat down his two grunts as the memory of him floats up from your mind.
It was the night you and your friend met. Lambad kicked you both out of his tavern because he was tired of your bickering over the best seat in the place. This asshole tried to mug you both, but you kicked his ass right into jail. Your friend was impressed. He’d be impressed now, too, since you’ve just disabled seven of the people trying to beat you to a pulp.
Fuck. Now is not the time to think about him.
The mugger waves another person forward.
“Fight me, coward!” you call. “I’ll go easy on you this time.” You smile, despite the pain of your split lip.
The mugger stands. You raise your arms in front of your body, fists clenched, stance wide.
You have no idea what happened next. You woke on the ground. The ache in your knuckles suggests you were fighting. The ache in your head suggests you lost. The bindings around your wrists confirm it.
A blurry face floats in front of yours — the asshole mugger.
“Not dead yet, I hope?” He sits you on your knees and brushes dirt from your shirt. His hand travels under it to yank your necklace from you.
“Don’t–touch–” you try as he searches for more treasure. You can barely form a coherent thought.
His fingers hover by your head, removing most of your earrings. He leaves you with just one pair — dangling silk ribbons that attach in three different places.
If anything, you’re glad you still have those. They were a gift from your friend. They may be the only reason your body is identified.
“Satisfied?” you ask as he walks back to the group.
He hums, parsing through your jewelry with a finger. Scowling, he sets it on a nearby barrel and picks up a roll of leather.
Five knife hilts reflect the sun as he unrolls it.
The first knife sinks into your shoulder. You grunt, hoping he doesn’t hear it over the waterfall to your left.
“You humiliated me.” The second lands in your thigh.
“You have to pay for it, y’know?” The third, your abdomen. It burns with every breath you take.
Wind rushes by your head. You think the fourth knife missed until you feel blood drip down your ear.
“And your shit ain’t worth nearly enough.”
There’s only one knife left. You have no doubt as to where it’s meant to go.
You have to do something — maybe the waterfall?
Water falls into a pool, usually, but you have no idea how deep it is or how long the drop. The fall could kill you.
Could. You can risk could.
The mugger raises his hand.
You tense.
A gaze lands on your back. One that’s familiar. One that’s full of rage.
Your muscles go slack as air flows all around you. It gathers at some point behind you.
“You dare touch what’s mine?”
Your body sways, teetering in the wind. An arm steadies you, wrapping gently around your shoulders.
Your friend slashes his other hand.
The bandits fly. Some into the water. Others into trees. Those that can still move run away.
The grip on your shoulder tightens before dropping to your wrists. He doesn’t untie the rope; you hear a snap! and then your hands are loose.
You slump against your friend’s chest, wrapping your uninjured arm around him. Tremors make their way through your body.
You were going to die.
Gods, you were going to die.
Your friend holds you close.
“How?” you croak, voice lost with your adrenaline.
“I was helping the Matra with an investigation. And...” He holds up his hand. In his palm is a knife that matches the ones still sticking out of you. The only difference is a scrap of fabric caught in the tang — the silk from your earrings.
“You saved my life. Thank you.”
The fabric flutters in a breeze. He stares at it, then at you.
“Scaramouche,” he says. There’s a weight to the word, one you cannot decide is reverence or despair. “My name is Scaramouche.”
You blink, slow to understanding. “Your… name?”
“Call for me if you’re ever in danger again. I’ll find you. I can’t-I can’t lose you.” He hugs you tight, pressing you firmly against his chest for the briefest of moments.
When it passes, he scoops you up — one hand on your back, the other under you knees.
“What–”
“You need a doctor. I’m going to tell Cyno where those assholes went then take you to one.”
y'all got any tips on how to make hair shinier? I don't even know where to start.
I gotchu babe.
First of all, get out of your head... literally. Look at the food you consume on daily basis. You are what you eat, right? Try to eat more foods with omega-3 fatty acids, silica, and vitamin A, among other nutrients. These include things like leafy greens, whole grains, nuts and seeds, and sea foods as well as fortified foods. If you’re not sure you’re getting enough nutrients, consider taking a multivitamin. Also drink water throughout the day to not only make your hair glow, but also your skin.
Also if you use a humidifier or an oil diffuser, try adding some lavender essential oils in at night to not only help you sleep, but reduce the dryness in your hair as well. Alternatively, opt for silk or satin pillowcases to minimize friction, especially if you move a lot at night. If you swim regularly, then consider getting a swim cap to prevent chlorine from damaging your hair, especially if you dyed it.
Now onto actual hair-care:
This goes without saying, but don’t wash your hair every day. In fact, try to wash it as little as you can. The oils are good for your scalp’s health. But if the buildup gets too much, or if you rely on dry shampoo in between washes, then, when you do get around to washing your hair, use a clarifying shampoo, and remember to deep condition afterwards. Use cold water to wash. I also like to brush my hair and massage my scalp before i wash it for extra blood circulation.
Invest in a good hair oil that works with your hair type without weighing your hair down or making your hair look greasy. Apart from that, once a week, if you’re going to be home for the day, put coconut, olive, or mustard oil in your hair and massage it in. Tie your hair up and leave the oil in for a few hours and then wash it off using the clarifying shampoo I mentioned earlier. Many people also swear by using apple cider vinegar in place of shampoo, but I haven’t tried it myself. There are also shine serums you can try out if you’re interested, but avoid the ones that have alcohol in them.
To dry your hair, air drying is the best. If you have to stop your hair from dripping, use an old cotton shirt over a tower, and avoid rubbing. Run your fingers through your wet hair for a light detangling before going through it with a wide-toothed comb, starting from tips and moving onto the roots. Do NOT brush your hair when it’s wet. If you DO want to use a hairbrush otherwise, try going for a natural bristle brush. If you need to use a blow drier, use it on the coldest setting. Try not to straighten or curl your hair using heat products every day, but whenever you do, make sure to use a heat protectant spray before hand.
Try to get a trim every few months to keep your split ends in check.
Hi! You deal with doctors, so I figured I'd ask you! Im epileptic, and have been seeing what was, at least up to this point, a great neurologist about it. But in the past year I've been getting random total limb paralysis. Which is! bad! My Dr just keeps sending me for the same 3 blood tests over and over, getting normal results, and telling me it's probably stress. It's not. I had to be CARRIED out of my job more than is reasonable. how do i find out what's actually wrong w me?
Is it possible for you to seek a second opinion? Because that’s what it sounds like you should be doing.
If it were me I’d be asking my GP for a referral to another neurologist or looking up ones in my area who take my insurance (depending on where you are in the world). You don’t have to tell your current neurologist you’re doing this, but you can also let them know you are unsatisfied with your level of care, and that you want it in writing that you feel like they are refusing to treat you seriously by attributing this to stress without doing a more thorough investigation.
Other folk may also have some helpful info for you in the comments, as I am afraid I am running out of energy for the evening. But I do hope you find a resolution to what is happening because that sounds awful and I wish you all the luck in figuring it out and recovering!
listen; you make me laugh. Like you are my go-to blog when i feel like shit and I need to laugh bc you are so fucking hilarious. And I need to tell you - I have never. NEVER had as much fun as I'm having reading the Chilliad. Holy SHIT. "vogue as fuck, brother" had me literally tearing up. Holy SHIT. Thank you for existing. Thank you for making the Chilliad exist. Just thank you oh my goddddd (public or private idgaf do as you wish)
HELLO this is a year late in reply, i’m sorry. this comment was very dear to me when i got it and it stayed very dear to me all year! it is still very dear. i love writing the chilliad and i’m really glad you’re enjoying it -- i hope to have the next hour up soon, but i’ve just been busy with some other projects. but keep an eye out!!
obviously i don’t have a favorite but if i did have a favorite it honestly MIGHT be jax. he’s a beautiful himbo of a boy and i am love him.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
(Sylvain non) I find nothing wrong with cursing. Plus this is your blog, so you should be free to say what you want.
Hehe- I’m glad you guys don’t mind! q w q I probably will still keep cursing to a minimum but I wont have the need to control it as much as before so thats very relieving!
Happy Xmas! Idk if you're still taking requests but if you are, I'd love to see either something about Ace from One Piece, if you watch it, or Taako and Lup from TAZ?
Taako has moments, not where he forgets Lup, not really, just moments where he’s not thinking of her or actively aware of her, because that’s how people work, they’re not constantly aware of everything all the time.
Each time it happens he lunges for his stone of farspeech and says, “Lup? You there?”
He doesn’t breath again until she says, “Yeah, sugar hun, what’s up?”
Not ENTIRELY related to EU but I was wondering - are there moving liminal spaces? Like the feeling that seems to follow your car during long drives at night? Does something go off, strange and weird when students break curfew to go into town and buy beer, truck stalling and needing to be pushed - from the back - from that pocket of strangeness that follows the truck, hanging off of the bumper like cans after a wedding?
I feel like this is less a question for Elsewhere and more a question for any tumblr users from the American Midwest. This seems like a very American Midwest problem.
My own inclination is to say yes, there are absolutely moving liminal spaces, and they follow you.
