#achronicghost

20 December 2021: tell me its fine to grieve everything i feel like i’ve lost. and everything i can feel myself losing. and everything i'm terrified of losing soon.

I need to stop calling myself lazy for being hesitant to put myself in pain. (And so do you)

Transcript:

Everything I do Seems to take pieces of me that I don't have, Leaving me in a very painful, exhausting debt.

I spent a couple long years there in a haze, Flickering on the edge of existence, unsure where I wanted to go I don't think I ever fully came back To the right mind, in the right body, in the right place I wonder where the rest of me is now.

something i said in therapy today (it was skipped over)

i like to think i make up for being like this by never asking anyone for anything. but i want to be different i want to deserve to depend on people.

and it’s selfish that I’m jealous the pity they get for it,

and it’s fucked up that I want to join them,

that I want people to call me a martyr too.

And it's sick that what I'm really angry about,

Is the fact that I do destroy myself,

Just so often and so quietly,

and I put myself back together so quickly,

That no one can tell when it happens.

Transcript:

I just wish it didn't hurt for so long, In so many different ways. Pick a time. Pick a place. Pick a constant. Stay there.