#ace patton

Patton knew, at this point, that sometimes he hid his feelings a little too well. It had started as a way to not make the others feel upset, but everything just kept piling up until he couldn’t ignore it anymore. Thankfully, they had all talked that out a while ago, and Patton showed his not-so-happy feelings more often now. But there were still some things that he just didn’t talk to the others about. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust them! Or that it was bad! But there was just a feeling in his gut that told him it was a bad idea to put this stuff in the open.

He had known from a pretty young age that people, in general, were pretty, well, pretty! Patton got crushes left and right as a kid. Whether they were a boy, girl, or any other gender, Patton gave his love away like Hershey’s kisses. While Thomas just liked boys, Patton was able to fall in love with anyone of any gender. And he loved using the label he had chosen for so many puns, to Logan’s eternal irritation. The word ‘pan’ was just so versatile! How could he not? But there were other parts that weren’t quite as straight-(heh)forward. He knew what sex was. He had been playing that whole ‘adultery’ thing for laughs since forever ago. But he’d never really felt that… urge that everyone seemed so excited about. Sure, if he had a partner he’d probably want to try, and he figured that it could be fun or a way to get closer. But he just didn’t quite get the importance placed on it. It wasn’t really something that he tended to think about all that often, but he wondered, sometimes. Did everyone else really feel like that?

There were also… other things that Patton barely admitted, even to himself. Like the fact that sometimes, ‘he’ didn’t really feel like the right thing to be called. Sometimes, ‘she’ felt better, or ‘they’. Or that, as much as it hurt to even think, being called Dad felt really wrong. It made his skin crawl, and some days it was bad enough that he just stayed in his room, buried under blankets until his body felt okay again. It was a lot easier to do that when the other Sides didn’t know the effect his room could have. But now that the secret was out, they tried not to let him spend too much time alone in there. Which was very sweet, and so good of them to try not let him get stuck in the past, but sometimes he really just wanted to be alone.

One day, a little bit into June, Patton had been clicking around on YouTube. He had started out looking at cute videos of animals (and mentally saving some of them to show the others later), and found some nice Pride things along the way. Just by chance, he saw a video about a bunch of different nonbinary genders and clicked on it, figuring that it would probably help to know more about this kind of stuff. It certainly couldn’t hurt! So he started watching. Not too far into it, tears started dripping down his face as he looked at the screen. That… was him. The person in the video was talking about genderfluidity, and there was the word on the screen, and the flag and… other people felt like Patton did. There was an entire community of people with experiences just like his!

Perhaps buying a house has come a little late in their relationship, their parent’s having been bothering them both to hurry up and buy a house and, perhaps, to have kids for a while now, a while being practically since they first got together. But Patton doesn’t care. He knows Logan had commitment issues when they both started dating and Patton hadn’t wanted to push him too far. But after years of dating they finally got their own place, a little quaint house all of their own, just enough for a ‘starter home’ as Patton’s mom had put it.

Finally, Patton spots their lamp, a cute one with a blue purple galaxy print on that Patton insisted he bought for Logan for their housewarming, sitting right beside their bedroom television.

“It’s up here, Lo,” he shouts back, wincing when he turns around and realises that Logan’s just in the doorway and he needed not to yell at him, “sorry.”

Logan just smiles at him, that small, soft smile where his lips just tug up at the corners and his eyes crinkle so slightly, the fond look that’s reserved just for Patton.

“It’s alright, dear,” Logan says, coming closer to Patton, arms wrapping around his middle as Patton’s own gladly wind around him, and he presses a cheeky kiss to Logan’s nose.

They had met an autumn evening in early October. Barely past four the short bespectacled man had wandered into the library, small smile on his face and bag slung over his shoulder, a mission on his mind. And, well, that was all thrown out of the window at the appearance of the library’s newest member of staff. Patton had frozen, breath catching in his throat before he forced himself to swallow, wetting his lips and convincing himself to talk to the man with his dark hair slicked back perfectly, his black glasses a stark contrast to his pale skin.

Logan had stood there, all on his own, stacking the books in the teen’s section and Patton had grinned at the fact that he did have an excuse to talk to the tall, dark, and handsome man. So, he made his way over to the teen’s section, palms sweating with anticipation.

“Excuse me,” he had spoken, voice a little weak but loud enough to hear, and the man had turned, a pile of books in his arms, eyes widening at the interruption.

Logan would later confess after many dates and many days together that his brain did indeed short circuit at just seeing Patton, curled hair, freckles, and all. His mouth dry, brain trying to think up something to say.

“Can I help you?” he had asked in response, reminding himself that he’s very much at work, in his first week there too, so, he was determined to not mess anything up but make sure the local customers don’t dislike him either – Logan had been told many times in his life that he has a ‘resting bitch face’ at best and a stoic, dismissive appearance at worst.

But Patton had grinned and asked, “yes, actually, I was wondering if you had any recommendations for some children’s books, hopefully educational if you can.”

And Logan’s heart did… something. Perhaps not something in need of medical attention either. No, this was perhaps more emotionally connected.

“Ah, yes,” he spoke, uncharacteristically awkward, setting down the books in his arms on the trolley before ushering Patton over to the younger children’s section, “now what age range are you looking for?”

“Oh, about five to six years old,” Patton said, fiddling with the strap of his bag, unable to stop himself staring at the new worker as his eyes scanned the shelves. Those piercing baby blue’s so enchanting and mesmerising, Patton broke out of his trance when Logan knelt to the ground, picking out a few books absentmindedly.

“Here,” Logan said, passing the few books over to Patton who gladly took them into his sweaty hands, “those should be educational for the age range of your children.”

And, oh, Logan had assumed wrong. Well, kind of wrong.

“Oh! No, goodness,” Patton had sputtered, “I don’t have any kiddos of my own, I’m far too young and too single still, but they’re for my kiddos that I teach, I’m the kindergarten schoolteacher just down the road.”

Patton had enthusiastically explained how the children loved story time especially near the end of the day and he wanted to keep it mostly educationally for his children. And Logan had listened with rapt attention, watching the way Patton practically lit up the entire children’s section of the library with his big smile and bright eyes, hands flailing as he explained in more depth. Logan would gladly listen to him talk all day but after around fifteen minutes Logan had to inform the ray of sunshine in front of him that he had to get back to work.

“Oh, of course!” Patton exclaimed, smiling sheepishly as he moved the books from one hand to the other, reaching into the pocket of his cardigan and pulling out a pen, “do you mind if I give you my number so we could meet up again some time, I’d quite like to get to know you a bit better, if you don’t mind of course, I mean, you don’t have to, I just-.”

Logan had cut him off with a curt ‘yes’ and then didn’t stop staring at the blue ink on the back of his hand for the rest of the day. Immediately inserting the number into his phone when he retrieved his stuff from the break room at the end of the day, then sent off a simple ‘hello, this is Logan from the library’ text, realising that he didn’t actually give Patton his name when he met him. Then drove home to his small apartment. Smiling to himself when he stopped the car, realising he had three texts from a new number.

‘Hi Logan! This is Patton!’

‘Thank you so much for the book recommendations, I’ve read though a few, I’m sure my kiddos will love them!’

‘Oh! And I was wondering when your next day off is so I could possibly take you out for a coffee or something’

It took him all the way up the stairs to his apartment to think of an appropriate response and settles on ‘You’re very welcome, I am free this Thursday but am aware that you will not be if you work at the school every day, so, I have a half day on Sunday if you would like to meet?’

And he gets a very quick reply, as if Patton was waiting just as he is for his text.

‘Yes, I’d love that!’

That was the start of something… magical. Well, magical if you asked Patton. Awkward and weird and a bit tension-y if you asked Logan. But awkward acquaintances turned into a weird friendship which eventually transpired into a magical relationship. Into shy kisses and flushed cheeks, into soft murmurs of adoration and admissions of affection, into interlaced fingers and intertwined legs. And into serious conversations of ‘do you want’ and ‘is this okay’, of answers of ‘yes’ and ‘no’ and ‘I don’t know’.

But they worked, they clicked. Their personalities almost polar opposites melding so well together. Patton’s soft, bubbly attitude colliding against Logan’s stoic, stern attitude but Patton’s sad, low moments contrasted by Logan’s passionate, excitable moments.

And Patton presses another kiss to one cheek, then the other, and finally Logan’s lips, smiling into the kiss until his grin grows too wide and he’s pretty much unable to kiss his boyfriend.

“Sorry, I’m just so, so-” he cuts himself off with a little squeal and Logan practically drops him out of the hug in shock, watching as Patton bounces of the balls of his feet, “I can’t believe we are here! We live together, we own this place, this is ours, our future, our lives. I, oh goodness, I love you, lovebug.”

Patton finishes his loud declaration of love with another hug, arms squeezing around Logan’s midsection which he does when he’s particularly excited. So, Logan just drapes his arms over Patton’s shoulders, pressing a soft kiss into his fluffy hair, matted with sweat from carrying box after box into the house, and whispers, “I love you too, Patton, dear.”

He knows they have so much to unpack and the sun is still setting, they’ll not get it all done tonight, or even tomorrow. But now all that matters are him and Patton and their life together that’s advancing so rapidly, their beginning together.

“Patton, dear?” he says, voice barely above a whisper.

Patton hums in response, his grip loosening a little around Logan and he presses his cheek against his shoulder, ready to listen.

“How about we make the bed, set the television up, and eat in here watching some cartoons?” Logan asks.

“That sounds amazing, Lo,” Patton responds, voice muffled, breath soft against Logan’s neck which tickles ever so slightly.

“Glad you think so, dear,” Logan says, trying and very much failing to get out of Patton’s hold, then he smiles, bigger than before which Patton will be sad that he has missed, “you have to let me go to organise this mess.”

“But you’re warm and I love you,” Patton whines, fingers clasping at the back of Logan’s t-shirt to keep him there. And Logan can’t help softening at that, he knows it’s a dirty tactic Patton’s learned to use to get his own way over the years and it works so well. That doesn’t mean Logan’s always weak for it.

“Now, dear, come on,” Logan says, urging Patton away from him, “get on your comfy pyjamas or even your onesie after we’ve done the bed and all that, then I’m yours to cuddle for the night.”

Patton huffs dramatically but does let go of Logan finally, pouting adorably with his brows furrowed, and Logan just pats him on the head before side stepping him to get to the box full of their sheets.