#ace interview

Job Interview Tips: How to Ace an Interview to Get the Job Even if Your Mind Goes Blank

To get the list of concerns to ask a Hiring Manager during a meeting that Tammy Kabell talked about in this video, look into these various other job interview suggestions videos in order to help you ace an interview to obtain the job: Concern Strategy Part One: https://youtu.be/nE1ztu7Xla0 Inquiry Strategy Part Two: https://youtu.b…

Ace Interview: Canada 

1: Where are you from?

Canada, Alberta. Born there, raised there.

2: How old are you?

Twenty six

3: How would you define your identity?

Aromantic asexual. Technically also "cis-genderless", but there's little point in bringing up a word like that with most people, just confuses and distances them.

4: When did you first hear the word "asexual"? How did you define it?

Biology class, in the term "asexual reproduction". Being a bit of a word nerd, I defined it by the meaning of its roots..."a" meaning without or non, and "sexual". I jokingly used the term to describe myself to friends in high school, at age seventeen. They were all dating and hooking up, and I shrugged when asked about it, said I wasn't interested, and that maybe I was "asexual". My friends all responded with variations of "are you just figuring this out?".

5: Have you 'come out' to friends of family?

Yes and yes...and more. I 'come out' to any one who asks, or brings up "when you get married" and such.

6:What is your opinion of coming out as asexual?

Its circumstantial. I do it to spead the word, others do it because they feel a pressing need to, others hold it in because they feel like bad things will happen if its out. If you want to talk about it, keeping it secret can be hard and have negative effects, so for people who want to be able to talk freely about that part of their life experience, coming out can be a breath of fresh air, even if some people take it badly. The importance of coming out, I feel, is based entirely upon how much the individual feels they will gain from doing so. Basically, if it floats your boat, go for it.

7: What were some responses you've received to your identity?

Mostly confusion or clarity. People have primarily either not quite understood, and asked questions, or had an "oooh, THATS what it is about you!" Moment. I've yet to experience anything I personally would call discrimination, though I have had people tell me "feel free to think that, but you'll change your mind". Mostly people don't seem to care, once I've explained my position on the matter. My mother was a special case. She supported me from a "you'll change but I support you until that happens" point of view for seven years before realizing that she no longer expected me to change. That realization surprised her, but she's still totaly supportive...when support is even needed, since, as I said, most people don't seem to care.

8: In your country, how is asexuality viewed?

I don't think my country has an official position on it. I only know that its not listed in the "sexualities" that are part of the anti-discrimination laws. Not legally defined as a 'sexuality', but only because its not legally defined at all. Most people seem to take it in stride, either accepting or not accepting gracefully, but there doesn't seem to be any sort of government stance on it. Its kind of just seen as a new term here, for now.

9: In your country, how is asexuality seen by the LGBT+?

This...I do not know. I have no friends who are part of the community...though I have friends who are non heteronormative. I really dont know much about the LGBT+ community in my country at all. I try to spread tolerance and open-mindedness whenever it seems necessary, but there isn't much need of social justice activism where I live. Every one seems pretty chill, very live and let live.

10: Culturally, what can be said of some one who experiences zero attraction?

Again, I don't think there's an official stance on that. It's fairly unknown, most people take it as an entierly new idea they'd never considered before. But Canada is a fairly young country, and our culture is a mosaic, with little influences from all the cultures that are part of us. Its a little hard to define, really, and makes pinning down a 'cultural mood' on anything a bit of a trick.

11: How would you describe your culture's image of 'normal'?

Whoo, hard one. Im not sure there IS a normal in Canada, as diverse as we are. I guess white would be the most predominant skin colour, and...theres this perception of us as being pretty polite? So...white, polite, heterosexual middle class people, would be my best guess but...I really don't keep up with...anything. Social media and public sentiment least of all.

12: Are there any significant observations you've made regarding how asexuality is viewed?

Not particularly. It's a new idea to most people I talk to, and every one seems to sort of just be a bit curious and then not care. I guess asexuality is viewed kind of like having a wacky hair colour. Some people love it, some hate it but don't say anything because theres no point, and most go about their day not really thinking about it unless someone brings it up.

13: Is there any pressure from your family, cultural or in general, to settle down and have a family?

No. I'm the only child of an only child on my dad's side, so he was a little sad about not getting grand kids, but he's adopted so "family line" wasn't a concern, and I'm female bodied so "family name" was never going to happen either. And then he got a new girlfriend (he and mom are happily split up, and good friends now that they aren't stuck together), and one of HER kids had kids, so dad got 'grandkids' after all. On mom's side there are cousins, aunts and uncles, all that jazz, so there's no lack of grandkids and family continuation, so no one cared one way or another if I got hitched...though my grandma once said "you can get married on the back of a giant turtle for all I care, as long as it's not to another woman", out of the blue, in the middle of a conversation about how I dislike celebrity gossip magazines...so...that was weird. Other than that no one ever even talked to me about marriage. Hell, I barely got the 'boys' talk. Random people I talk to seem more...concerned...about my lack of marriage desire the older they are, but even then its a "well...you do what you think you want, dear" kind of thing. No one has ever told me I HAVE to settle down...aside from one internet troll but...I'm pretty sure that doesn't count.

14: How has your identity effected your life?

I'm pretty sure the labels I've chosen to use have effected precisely nothing in my life. However, the differences between my lifestyle, my viewpoints, my priorities and those of the general populace have, I feel, made me different. I don't care about society...because I'm not vying for attention from some one soecific. I don't do jellousy, or understand monogamy in the slightest, which has lead to some interesting conversations. I don't feel connected to either gender, so I view both bianary gender's from an outside, unbiased perspective, and I'm very good at setteling disputes and explaining "why he/she acts like that" to confused friends. I need a stronger bond with my friends than most people, because I'm not getting that bond from a romantic interest, and I feel like that's improved my life. I DO have more time on my hands because I'm not chasing after a relationship. And I've determined that my mother is my soul mate (she agrees on this point), and have through that determination I've reached a sort peaceful acceptance that there is more good than bad in the world.

15: Anything else you'd like to share?

Ace Interview: Poland

1. Where are you from?

I'm from Poland

2. How old are you? 

28

3. How would you define your identity (Demisexual, aromantic, etc)?

Demisexual

4. When did you first hear the word asexual? How did you define it?

I faced for the first time with this term when I was 21 in one article in Polish edition of ELLE magazine. I defined it as person who doesn't want to have sex.

5. Have you “come out” to friends or family?

Only to my mom and some of my pen pals

6. What is your opinion on “Coming out” as asexual?

It's as important as coming out of gay/lesbian people. Coming out helps people to be themselves.

7. What were some responses that you received to your identity?

People were rather curious than negative and accepted me.

8. Is asexuality a recognized identity in your country?

Asexuality is not much known in Poland although it's more and more visible.

9. In your country, how is Asexuality seen in the LGBT* community?

It's complicated, some LGBTQ groups are positive but there are also some negative ones.

10. Culturally , what can be said about someone who experiences zero* sexual attraction?

They use to say that you haven't find the right person yet or you will change your mind if you meet right person

11. How would your describe your cultures image of normal? I.E. In the United States a typical person would be a White Heterosexual Man who is Middle Class.

White Heterosexual Roman Catholic Patriot Male

12. Are there any significant observations that you’ve made regarding how asexuality is viewed? Feel free to elaborate. 

They used to say that asexuality can be a result of sexual abuse of hormonal problems but now there are more and more ace positive articles. I remember there was the same with perceiving lesbians, they used to write the same on lesbians in 90s but now there are lesbian friendly articles.

13. Is there any pressure in your family, or culture in general, to settle down and follow a lifestyle that does not agree with your identity? Feel free to elaborate .

The pressure is much visible in less educated families, especially from villages and small towns. People in bigger cities are much more anonymous

14. How has your identity affected your life?

It didn't.

15. Anything else you’d like to share?

Ace Interview: Sweden

1. Where are you from?

 I am from Stockholm, Sweden, and I have lived there my whole life.

2. How old are you?

I am 17.

3. How would you define your identity (Demisexual, aromantic, etc)?

I am a gynoromantic, sex-repulsed, non-libido asexual.

4. When did you first hear the word asexual? How did you define it?

I do not know when I first heard the word "asexual", but since it was before I knew the difference between romantic and sexual attraction, I thought that it was someone who could not fall in love. I learned the true meaning of the word when I was 14, reading about it on Wikipedia, and then I immediately recognised myself in its meaning: a person who experiences little to no sexual attraction, no matter romantic orientation.

5. Have you “come out” to friends or family?

 Shortly after I started identifying as asexual, I came out to my friends every time the subject was touched. One year later, I tried to do the same with my parents, but they never seemed to take it seriously. Not until the summer did they finally have... some kind of talk with me.

6. What is your opinion on “Coming out” as asexual? 

Coming out as an asexual is like coming out as anything that is not heterosexuality, it is sad that you are presumed to be hetero until anything else is claimed. The difference is that asexuality is not as know as other sexualities, which will leave the person coming out a lot of explaining apart from them their own feelings.

7. What were some responses that you received to your identity? 

My friends and classmates mainly reacted with curiosity, in a positive way. I actually enjoy explaining these things to them. Once did someone claim that he did not believe that a human could not want sex, but he did not get aggressive. I have also been told once that it was unnatural, but I seriously could not tell if he was serious or not.

The only person who has expressed true objections to it is my Dad (Mom simply never said anything about it). During our first talk, he said that he did not care about my sexuality; then he started rambling about how he had falsely thought himself to be unattractive when he was young (as if that had anything to do with the subject), and that I would not want sex until I met someone (I am starting to wonder if he is demisexual). Another time, I mentioned being disgusted by a sex education-lecture, which resulted in him actually becoming mad at me. He went on preaching that it was the most natural thing that ever existed, and that I never would had been born if he had been thinking like me. Ever since, I have been determined to change his mind, but I have never dared bringing up the subject again.

8. Is asexuality a recognized identity in your country?

The first time asexuality was mentioned in sex education was when we had a substitute teacher in high school. However, it seemed that she simply had checked Wikipedia the day before the lesson. When the state made a survey about sexuality and health, the survey asked about your sexuality without including asexuality. It did however include an "other" option. I know one newspaper that has brought up asexuality, and the health information from the state has one short article about asexuality. The concept is simply very new to the Swedish public.

9. In your country, how is Asexuality seen in the LGBT* community? 

I really cannot answer that, I have had very little contact with the HBTQ (Homo-, bi-, trans and queer) movement.

11. How would your describe your cultures image of normal? I.E. In the United States a typical person would be a White Heterosexual Man who is Middle Class. 

I suppose that the ideal person in Sweden would be a heterosexual upper middle class white male, who is somewhat younger than middle aged.

12. Are there any significant observations that you’ve made regarding how asexuality is viewed? Feel free to elaborate.

 Many people simply seem to be unaware that it is possible for a person not to be attracted to anyone. I have heard people speculate many times that someone who show no interest in any gender might be homosexual. The possibility of asexuality, or even bisexuality, is rarely mentioned.

13. Is there any pressure in your family, or culture in general, to settle down and follow a lifestyle that does not agree with your identity? Feel free to elaborate.

My parents mostly say "when you have children" or "You need a bigger bed, you might meet a girl one day". But what they mostly talk about is what I "should" work as. I have at multiple occasion told them that I refuse to study economics, which they sort of have accepted. However, Dad really does not seem to want me to become a teacher, which is a work I really could see myself doing. They have also told me to not wear certain clothes, because they do not want me to be different or something like that.

In the end, it sometimes it seems that they accept everyone's right to be different, except their own children's.

Ace Interview: France

[Question 1 will clarify origin...]

1. Where are you from? That's a complicated question xD I was born in France, from a French mother and a German father. I've always lived in France, although I'm studying in Sweden this term. Culturally and linguistically, I'm really half French and half German.

2. How old are you? 20

3. How would you define your identity (Demisexual, aromantic, etc)? I'm asexual, aromantic, non-libidoist. For QP attraction, I'm more attracted to women (homoplatonic if that's a thing).

4. When did you first hear the word asexual? How did you define it? I was in the uni library on a computer two years ago, scrolling down facebook. On a Harry Potter page, or an Alan Rickman page I can't remember, there was that post asking whether Rickman is sexy. Annnnd that person I'll never be able to thank actually commented 'even I find him sexy and I'm asexual'. With the context of this comment, I more or less guessed the meaning correctly, although I read the wikipedia definition quickly to be sure.

5. Have you "come out" to friends or family? Yes, I'm completely out. I don't hide it. I actually came out to 2 people here in Sweden, to 4 friends back at home, and to both my parents. Technically, if people weren't oblivious, everyone could know. I share pictures on FB and my profile pic has the flag...but people don't get it xD My internet friends all know though. My pen pal online was the first person I came out to

6. What is your opinion on "Coming out" as asexual? I think that it's a question everyone should answer for themselves. I want to be out to everyone, because that means that I can be myself. I like telling people they're cute, that I miss them, that I like talking to them, but I can only tell those who know or it will be misinterpreted. I also admit that coming out is very useful for visibility. If every asexual came out to everyone they knew...well everyone would have heard of it at least once, right? But I totally understand those who say that it's private. If they don't want to tell people, it's their right, and I shouldn't have an opinion on that

7. What were some responses that you received to your identity? My mom was a bit alarmed because she has no idea about it, she doesn't realize it's an orientation, but accepts who I am anyway. My dad only asked me if I it bothered me. My penfriend said she thought so. My irl friends were all different. One just said 'ok cool', another said that I should be proud of being who I am.

8 & 9. Is asexuality a recognized identity in your country? In your country, how is Asexuality seen in the LGBT* community? In France, I never heard of it. There are few or none LGBT communities where I live because it's a small city. In Sweden, I went to a prade parade, and there was a projection of a film about asexuality, and a person who introduced people to it.

10. Culturally, what can be said about someone who experiences zero* sexual attraction? I'd say that it changes what you base your judgement on. Sexual appeal is central to so many things. I think we might care more about the rest, especially personality. Therefore, a lot of what the mass media relies on (for ads for example) collapses.

Ace Interview: Germany

[They were born in Russia and currently living in Germany. This interview provides both perspectives]

1. 1. Where are you from?

Born in Russia, grew up and living in Germany

2. How old are you?

24

3. How would you define your identity (Demisexual, aromantic, etc)?

Asexual, heteroromantic, nonlibidoist, sensual

4. When did you first hear the word asexual? How do you define it?

March 2015. The first time I heard the word “asexual”, it was described to me as a person who doesn’t want to have sex. I still think it can be explained this way.

5. Have you "come out" to friends or family?

Yes.

6. What is your opinion on "Coming out" as asexual?

I think "coming out" is something personal. Everyone should decide for themselves if it's worth it. Some say it's the best way to spread awareness and maybe it is. I wanted my close ones to see me for who I am. In some cases the loved ones treat the one who came out worse though, and this is when I recommend staying quiet until one is more independent. That is until one is able to spend time away from the ones one comes out to.

7. What were some responses that you received to your identity?

Weeeeell. xD Not sure if they make much sense without retelling the whole conversation, but let's try.

- Responses from my Mom -

"But you're OK!" "Nah, you're normal!" (Meaning I'm not a sick weirdo and shouldn't call myself strange names.)

"Well, don't you have too many options?" (After explaining that asexuals can have sex and some are able to enjoy it.)

"Men will not want you if you don't have sex" (Well maybe, I don't want THEM, wth even. )

"He is just inexperienced" (After sharing a video about an asexual man who was interviewed on TV.)

"Young women never want it" (Even if that was true, are you implying I should force myself to have sex?)

"I just don't want you to ignore all of your options" (It's you who is ignoring the options you don't like, Mom.)

"You're going to be lonely if you don't start a family" (1st of all you're wrong. 2ndly I never said anything about wanting or not wanting a family.)

"Being with somebody while not having sex is not a relationship."

"I'd feel sorry for your partner." (Excuse me, I'm not forcing anyone now, am I?)

"But if he wants sex, you'll give it to him, won't you?" (Errr, no? I just said that I don't desire sex, Mom, you're being creepy.)

"I was the same when I was young"

"Don't tell anyone" (Well, this is for ME to decide. And honestly, I wished YOU didn't tell anyone. Way to follow your own advice.)

-

- Responses from sister -

"Yeah, I heard" (Mom probably told her. Though I wished she didn't tell other people about my private life.)

-

- Responses from friends -

"Thanks for coming out"

"I just want to understand"

"But if you only loved somebody strongly enough, your feelings would change about this"

"So you're afraid of touching?"

"Do you find men handsome?"

"Have you ever tried being with a girl?"

-

- Responses from people on online dating sites

"What is it like to be asexual?"

"Do you find others attractive?"

"I won't ask you which kind of asexual you are since this is very private" (Coming from somebody who wanted a relationship with me. It worried me that he did NOT want to know his future.)

"Why did you become asexual?" ("Become"!)

"Do you think something caused it"

"I feel [...], very similar to you" (Small-talk)

"I feel [...], do I sound asexual?" (Basically asking me for advice)

"I am not very sexual/ I don't need sex very much" (Trying to reason why things could work out with me.)

"How do you know [that you're asexual]?"

"You said I had nice muscles and took my hand. It surprised me because you said you are asexual" (Hopeful much? No, I didn't suddenly discover my heterosexuality, neither was I confused about my asexuality.)

8. Is asexuality a recognized identity in your country?

Hum, good question. I don't think it's officially recognized yet. However the newspapers are talking about asexuality in a positive light, which is very important for a general acceptance. While I never heard about asexuality for most of my life and maybe still wouldn't know what it means if I never dated, my friends had heard about it before. So I guess that the younger a generation is, the more they know about minorities. That's great.  I am always talking about Germany, but here I want to observe that from the few Russian shows I saw about asexuality, the TV hosts were very judgmental. If this is how society there views asexuality, I'm glad I'm not currently living there.

9. In your country, how is Asexuality seen in the LGBT* community?

Shortly before Ace Awareness Week I contacted my university's LGBT+ group to ask whether they had any plans. This way I also wanted to find out if they were inclusive of asexuality. And they were! They even asked me whether I wanted to help host an asexuality themed event. (Though in the end the event didn't work out.)

10. Culturally, what can be said about someone who experiences zero* sexual attraction?

Culturally, hm?

Well, I never desired sex and I never considered myself as weird. Though it's only recently that I found out that my lack of desire will never change, I still see myself as a "normal" person. I actually always thought that everyone was like me, more or less. So this is how I saw culture. But let's try.

First of all I was born in soviet Russia and moved to Germany when I was five years old. This is important to say, because Russia in the 90s and before naturally influenced my family. It was a prude place and time. People, especially women didn't talk or even know much about sex. The most important goal was to get married right after school or uni and have a couple of children. So it was not important whether somebody wanted sex or not. And hardly anyone wanted to show off their individuality, since this kind of thing was frowned upon. My family still thinks like this, except for my generation maybe.

Today Russia's media got closer the Western world, which means it's full with sexual themes. It is quite... tasteless if you ask me. Comedy, violence and blatant sex are not something I seek on my TV shows. However I met several young Russian people during my travels abroad and they are the most polite, gentle things ever. I don't remember them ever hinting about anything sexual out of their own accord.

In (German) elementary school I was taught about sex and sex-related topics. In secondary school (appr. age 13) I learned that sex can be used for pleasure and how to practice safe sex. Today, next to my bus station, two huge posters read that everyone should use condoms. German theater and to some extent even movies are full of orgies. So you can say that people are very open about sex. Even so sex is usually used as a way to shock the audience and this way capture their attention. In real life people don't really talk about sex much. It is commonly understood that it's a private part of everyone's life and it's nobody else's business. Flirting is very discreet if it's in public. Catcalling is so rare that I maybe only saw it once and I hardly understood wtf was even going on. Though of course there are places like clubs where people are more obvious in what they are looking for. (Also took me a while to understand, that not everyone simply wants to dance.)

So this is how sexuality is seen culturally. Actively searching for a sexless life, is only something I came across in religion. And celibacy is seen as something pitiful. A sexless relationship is a reason for divorce. (Which is a good thing imo.) Virgins are laughed about, especially in childish peer groups. But I never had problems with this in my own social circle. From personal experience I can say that people, especially very young and elderly ones, usually find it difficult to understand why somebody doesn't want sex in their life. University students on the other hand are very accepting.

11. How would your describe your cultures image of normal? I.E. In the United States a typical person would be a White Heterosexual Man who is Middle Class.

A "normal" person would be somebody heterosexual, white, cis-gendered from the middle class or higher middle class. With a 1 1/2 child family and a white fence around their pretty house, haha. That doesn't mean that most people are like this.

12. Are there any significant observations that you've made regarding how asexuality is viewed? Feel free to elaborate.

There is a lack of understanding, but I'm hopeful for the future.

13. Is there any pressure in your family, or culture in general, to settle down and follow a lifestyle that does not agree with your identity? Feel free to elaborate.

Well, yes. My family wants me to have children. Partially because they want me to continue the family line and partially because they think I'd be unhappy and lonely otherwise. While I don't see this as a conflict to my asexuality, I dislike it when people project their expectations on me. My friends don't try to influence me this much. But they see a romantic relationship as an important step to happiness and they talk about it quite a lot. It would be difficult to relate to them if I were aromantic. There's definitely a pressure to do what everyone does in order to be able to have decent conversations. Even at work.

14. How has your identity affected your life?

When I realized I'm ace, I became more confident and goal-driven. After all, finally I knew and accepted what I wanted and what I didn't. At first I started searching for potential romantic partners who are compatible with me. Later I started behaving slightly differently in all situations. After there was one thing I was sure about (I don't want sex in a romantic relationship.), I quickly found out which other things are "true" or "false" for me and what I only thought was true because it was true for others. I find it easier than ever to say "no". I speak up when I want something more often. I am more content with myself. Also, I learned to be more tolerant towards those who are different from me and those who are prejudiced against me. All in all my newly found identity affected me positively.

15. Anything else you'd like to share? 

There are a few things:

I can't help but imagine how much it would have sucked to live a few decades ago. Or to live in a country where I have a choice between having sex in a relationship and being looked down upon socially. So I guess I want to express how greatful I am for the life I'm able to live.

Even so, while I have many options, they are restricted by how difficult they are to carry out. I need to actively search for ways to live a fulfilling life, since I am not able to follow social conventions. Some things I worry about are "What if my friends will all have their own families sometime and won't have time for me anymore?", "What if my colleagues will discuss their families at work and I won't be able to participate in the conversations?", "What if I keep falling in love with people I'm not compatible with?", "What if I won't have any support when I am old?" and so on.

One of the things I'm grateful for is the English AVEN site. It is very supporting and welcoming. I might still be confused about my identity and feel out of place if I never joined it.

I wished people would not ask so many personal questions when I explain asexuality. It is so random, awkward and impolite. At least the people who ask should apologize in advance before asking about, say, my masturbation habits. And they should definitely accept it if I choose not to tell.