#abuse trigger

they live in my head and dont pay shit and i hate it /j

ANYWAYS i had recently listened to the "Mamma Mia!" version of the song "Lay All Your Love on Me" by ABBA and i was just like aaauuugghhhhhh angstttt opportunitieessss (with a song that's supposed to be fun and lovey dovey for fucks sake FVGBHNJMK)

Someone said the R*t*rd word while they walked past and I went into a ptsd triggered panic attack.

Person sitting next to me asked what’s wrong and I explained. They told me I needed to be medicated and when I explained that I did, they said I needed to be more medicated. I tried to explain that everyone’s triggers and reactions are different, they tried to trauma compare, and then called me a pickme.

Essentially I was called a pickme (often seen as someone faking it or not actually taking the issues they act like they are) because my triggers are verbal and audible because I was verbally and emotionally ab*sed, but there triggers were different.

Wonderful day/sarcasm

So, I watched Pacific Rim: Uprising (yes I pirated it, no I don’t feel bad and you won’t convince me I did anything wrong) all the way through for the first time today. And this doesn’t seem like a big deal but...well, today was Chinese New Year in the Pacific coast (in China it was yesterday) and it’s the end of the decade where I’ve changed and grown so much that I can hardly believe.

See, in 2011 I met this really sweet, really passionate man. The first time Sebastian took me to his dorm, he pointed out the dean’s building, the proctor’s building, and where campus security vans parked for the night in case I felt uncomfortable. In 2013 he took me to see Pacific Rim over my objections that it looked stupid, and I loved it. I also had “Can’t Help Falling in Love” stuck in my head for days, both because of Sebastian and the fact that I thought it was a great song for the two scientist characters. I married Sebastian in 2016, and in 2017 he wrapped his hands around my neck and squeezed until I kicked him off me and ran away.

Yeah. If you’ve seen the second Pacific Rim movie, you probably know which scene sent me screaming and crying and throwing up in the bathroom. All over a trigger I didn’t know I had until I watched a character I considered to be in a relationship with another character unexpectedly wrapped his hands around his beloved’s neck and squeezed. And so for a really long time I didn’t really touch that fandom. But then the start of the decade rolled around and I found a DVD of the first movie, which I bought because I loved it. I didn’t want him to take that away from me too.

Ey, it’s time to break the sunshine Chocoboi in another universe. Leygo!

REALLY INTERESTED IN. RUTH DAVE AND PUPPET SPECIFICALLY. THIS SEEMS REALLY NEAT

AAAAA TYTY!!!!! uuhhh i can talk abt them real quick!!!!

dave is the easiest to talk abt so lemme start w him: dave is your local trans uncle of the heathcliffs! super kind, super funny, just your average joe (or average dave i guess). his happy persona, however, is partly a facade to lead people into thinking he's completely fine. everything started crumbling for him once the alternates took mark away, but he just tried denying it and went on with life.

then sarah started getting extremely aggressive and didnt talk to him for a good few years. he ignored that too. he ignored thatcher's growing alcohol problems as well as his overall declining mental state. and he even started ignoring when six would randomly stop by to torment him for fun, just trying to get him out by always using the excuse of "i'm recording, don't disturb me". the nail hit the coffin when puppet stopped by and told him "hey, you havent seen ruth a lot lately have you?" and dave realizes she's in danger. how could he have been so neglectful and ignorant of reality that he didn't even notice one of his best friends is missing and she's most likely hurt in some way?

ruth comes next: ruth as i said in the previous post grew up in a house life in which all her family members and old friends thought of her to look like your typical submissive woman. because of this, she adopted some submissive tendencies, especially her fawning and people pleasing. however, she grew up to be a strong, kind, confident woman who takes initiative in her life... at least, while she's a police officer.

she doesnt show it much but she is definitely a people pleaser. she'll do whatever it takes to not be left behind. she's especially fearful or either thatcher or dave leaving the county due to the alternates and that they'd leave without her (which never happened thankfully). her fawning definitely came into play once she realized the thatcher she was keeping in her home was an alternate, one who she met back in '92 when she was investigating the murray house.

she does eventually escape her situation but not without passing out in the middle of nowhere due to being stabbed before booking it out of her house. thankfully, eden found her and took her to a hospital. she reunited with the real thatcher there, but she still feared being around someone who looked like the thing that had taken advantage of her kindness and made her suffer with the psychological scars that he gave her.

puppet........ oh boy he's my fucked up little man CFVGBHN

boy started out as a favorite of gabriel's, the supposed "perfect copy" type of alternate that he had wanted for so long. he turned out to be some freak obsessed with replacing thatcher so much he'd literally overthrow gabriel just to do it and even keep ruth alive for his sadistic wants.

he at first thought he was experiencing the emotions of love, compassion, genuine concern, etc. he however twisted it into a manipulative, degrading charm to keep ruth from running from him. he also liked to give her the nickname "fawn" because of her fawning tendencies. he also even carved sketches of angel wings into her back to make her look more "pure and holy, like an angel should be" which absolutely terrified her since she was a woman of faith.

but ruth wasn't his only victim: as i mentioned before he's fucked around w/ dave before, and he mainly messed with thatcher (usually while he was so drunk he wouldn't even remember what happened or be aware of his surroundings).

he uuhhh also has a tendency of not wanting to stand in the corner f your room and wait for you to do something but will grab the nearest item and kill you with it? which is not alternate protocol in the unholy gift universe FGBHNJM

this all starts to upset gabriel, who even favors ruth due to an encounter he had with her where she pretended to die to escape puppet in the murray house. he tries telling him to get on the fridge but he throws gabriel onto the fridge instead basically FGHNJM