#abaartlab

For as long as four months I have been dwelling on the influx of self-doubt, a sense of unpreparedness and impostor syndrome that crippled my ability to finalise my portfolio, to send a perfectly written cover letter and a frankly overqualified application to a role that I wasn’t even sure I wanted to apply to.

Aba Art Lab is a gallery and as the name suggests, an art room where artists create site-specific work in response to stimuli. At first glance, looking at their role of illustration intern seemed like an easily attainable internship that would fill the quota of work placement weeks that I required, and would allow me to spend time in Spain near my Catalonian family while learning the language. It doesn’t get more ideal than that. However overqualified I felt, however good the perks, I could not muster a portfolio that satisfied me, as it felt dishonest to who I am as a practitioner. True, all the work is mine, but did it really tell a story I wanted to describe to my practice? The answer is probably not.

Change is good, and growth is impossible without change, but like growing pains, it is a process that can cause quite a lot of discomfort and confusion. It paralysed me as I processed the changes that had already happened, and frankly, being able to travel for a month and a half and not *actually* making any decisions about my future was a blessing.

Working for the DDW was the best thing that happened to me in October, it was a thrilling experience that allowed me to meet designers, students and really inspirational makers. Looking at industry on all levels was insightful and decidedly developed my understanding of what possibilities lied in it other than illustration as a pure form.

It was also uncomfortable because I felt that the more I learned the more I distanced myself from the way I understood art and design, and decidedly it was changing my relationship with it. I could no longer apply as an illustrator to ABA, but was I a good enough designer to be accepted through that application?

Onomatopee really defined much of how I currently feel about the places I want to work with/for, but I will outline more specifically why here.

Applying for the job has had a cathartic effect on me, one that has been propelled by little victories like writting out s.i.p.’s with my design partner, Celine, receiving responses from curators like Risk Hazekamp and in general, a new years fresh and clean slate.

The final factor that contributed to me applying to the gallery was an email I received from Sarah, suggesting I considered the fact someone else had already applied for it with a different set of skills to mine. Mulling over that sentence I rather quickly decided that this was the way to proceed. It is almost like it clicked into place, and within two days I had a portfolio and cover letter ready and a CV that contributes to improving my chances thanks to working with DDW.  Soon after I received an email with a questionnaire which I responded to and returned yesterday. Now I am just in the process of waiting patiently and looking at potential flats to move in...I am not discouraged yet I am essentially a realist; I know that this application was the right move and I have a good feeling about it. 

I will copy the questionnaire here for the same reason as with the Newbridge call; to leave milestones for me to look back onto and to reevaluate my progress and skills.