A woman must stay alone for a long while until the hate men have for women has left her, and even longer until the jealousy women have for other women has left her, and longer still until the anger her children have for her has left herâuntil she is no longer a woman altered by the resentment of men, women, and children, no longer what others have forced her to be, but empty as a skull or a shell, filled only by whatever she pleases, forest air perhaps.
â Kiran Desai, The Loneliness of Sonia and Sunny
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Claire Ahn grew up in Seoul, Korea, which she still considers home. She moved to New York to attend university and now lives in Long Island City with her husband, newborn daughter, and their dog, Dante. Claire writes about transcultural experiences and the traditions, values, and legacies that shape who we are. I GUESS I LIVE HERE NOW is her debut novel. Click through to read about mouth-watering food and homesickness remedies, and for some really good writing advice.
Can you tell us a little bit about how you came to write I GUESS I LIVE HERE NOW?
I think most debut authors would probably divulge this, but the first novel is always a bit of a circuitous path. You can never really pinpoint the beginning of the first because itâs just this blurry idea you had years ago that somehowâthrough repetitive classes and workshopping and rejectionsâbecomes a novel. I suppose this idea was conceived back in 2016, but itâs gone through many transitions, from a childrenâs book to a middle-grade book, then a young adult novel, and within it, about four to five full revisions.Â
I started writing to release stress from a grueling job in public relations, where writing felt so formulaic and not at all creative. Iâve always loved storytelling, and was told PR is the world of storytelling as a profession, but it wasnât enough to fill the creative well in me. So I took up course writing at Gotham Writers Workshop, which is how this all began for me. Plus, I got free wine every week. How could I have stopped attending?Â
Youâve written your own experience in reverse, going from New York to Seoul, and made it YA. What were some challenges you faced in doing so?Â
From a craft perspective, it was hard to write Seoul as if it was the first time. Everything there feels second nature to me, from the street foods to the lavish grocery stores and intensely beautiful cafe culture. Itâs never a shock when I go back home, so having to write it fresh was hard. Hopefully, I somewhat successfully captured the newness of it from Melodyâs eyes. From a personal experience perspective, my constant fear is that someone in my life will be convinced a flawed character was inspired by them! Woof. If youâre reading this, close friend or family member, this is not the case!Â
Melody and her friends are all navigating parental expectations while trying to make their way in the world. What do you hope readers take away from seeing these character dynamics represented?
 Am I the only one feeling like I sometimes live my life intensely trying to please my parents? Oh God, I hope not. I hope readers feel seen and less alone in having dreams that may defy the wishes of parents or guardians or even of peers and the capitalistic society in which we live. I hope readers feel reminded that they can simply be. They can have lofty dreams like Melody, or they can want to dream of being comfortable and accepted in their skin, like Kimbeom, or they can just want to live in their present, and that is all okay and good. Letâs change the narrative of having to stamp influential footprints in this world.Â
Seoul is your home, but you live in Long Island City. How do you approach writing about being in between two cultures, and whatâs your favored remedy for homesickness?
I think I operate on a default state of longing and clinging. Iâm always longing to visit Seoul any chance I get, and I live in a state of clinging onto my culture tighter than my high school banquet dress. I release myself from those states of being by writing stories where I get to pretend like Iâm in Seoul again or where I imagine my life as a teen in New York, fresh from Korea. My favored remedy for homesickness is buying a plane ticket to Seoul and immediately texting my friends back home that Iâll be there soon. Then, every day until Iâm on that plane, I dream of being surrounded by faces like mine, speaking in my native tongue, and stuffing my face with high-quality rice cakes (dduk). Does that sound sad? I swear I love my life in New York, too.Â
The descriptions of food in IGILHN are incredible. Whatâs your favorite Korean dish, and can you make our mouths water describing it?
Thank you! You know, I didnât know food was a theme in the book until people pointed it out. Food is such a deeply ingrained part of Korean culture that it wasnât an intentional ploy, but as it turns out, it is impossible to write a book set in Seoul without a proper description of the bounty of food on offer. My favorite dish has got to be my momâs homemade galbi jjim, braised short ribs. I canât even eat ones from a restaurant because it tastes horrible compared to her concoction. Itâs a common holiday dish for New Yearâs or Chuseok, but for me, it was the dish my mom made every time I landed in Seoul from New York. An expression of love poured into a dish that takes hours to make. I always imagined her making it in the kitchen the night before I arrived, eagerly waiting for her younger daughter to come back home. Itâs a thoughtful dish because itâs not something you can whip up at a momentâs notice, and if you try to, you will never mimic a galbi jjim that has been simmering for hours. Itâs both a deliciously sweet and intensely aromatic and savory dish. When done right, the meat falls off the bones at the softest pull with chopsticks, and itâs generously coated with a sauce made from Korean radishes, jujubes, pears, chestnuts, and garlic. As my husband says, itâs a âflavor explosion.âÂ
What made you want to be a writer? What advice can you give to budding writers working on transcultural narratives?
Iâve always wanted to be a writer, but growing up in an Asian household, I wasnât made aware that writing was a chosen profession. I was sort of led to believe it was something you did on the side of your ârealâ job, which just meant making a stable income with the goal of homeownership. As a daughter of immigrants, stability was highly valued in our household, so writing wasnât really a âseriousâ option. But I wrote my first play when I was in the second grade, a whopping eleven pages of some friends living on Mars, spying on Earth people.
My advice would be to find a writing community and celebrate small milestones. I couldnât have gotten here without my group of writers that I met through Gotham Writers; equally, I might have given up if I wasnât so damn good at celebrating even the stupidest things: Submitted a manuscript? Buy myself a typewriter! Read a book during a desolate book lull? Eat my favorite ice cream! The journey to finding an agent, revising, then selling your book, then revising again (and again and again and again), then finally seeing it hit shelves (which I havenât yet) is LONG! So, unless youâre a total Grinch and happy to be one, celebrate; because you canât go years without that celebratory joy to keep you motivated.Â
What does Melodyâs Tumblr look like? Obviously, sheâs got some interior design in there, but what else does she post? Whatâs the vibe like?
The vibe is definitely a modern cafe look with a splash of pop, which is also her fashion style. Isnât our Tumblr vibe just a digital reflection of our fashion? Mine definitely was. Melâs Tumblr is probably like Comme des Garcons meets Alexander Wang.Â
IGILHNÂ is your debut novelâwhatâs next for you?
Iâm working on my second book now, and itâs not set in Seoul! Itâs set right here, in my second favorite city, New York. Everyone says book two is the worst. Surprisingly, I donât want to rip my eyes out, and Iâm thoroughly enjoying exploring my new fictional friends and their immigrant families and New Yorkâs Asian food culture. Soup dumplings have already made their way into my pages multiple times. I canât share too much yet, but I hope it stays as fun as itâs been so far and that it finds its people.Â
Thanks so much for answering our questions, Claire! I GUESS I LIVE HERE NOW will be hitting shelves on May 24. Thatâs today in a week!Â
Since the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic, there has been a rise in anti-Asian racism, hate crimes, and violence in the US. It cannot be ignored, and this week, there was a horrific mass murder of Asian women in Atlanta, GA. If you, like me (the librarian running this Tumblr account), are white, you know it is well past time to stand with and stand up for our AAPI friends, loved ones, and community members.Â
If you are part of the AAPI community and youâre reading this post, know that we see your pain, we hear you, and we are holding space for you in this ongoing time of tragedy and systemic racism.Â
While books do not solve everything, they can offer a chance to feel validated, especially for queer teens!Â
So here are some YA books about LBTQIA+ AAPI teens across multiple genres, all written by AAPI authors for you to escape into when the world is feeling especially harsh.Â
*One note: Hani and Ishuâs Guide to Fake Dating and Gearbreakers will be released in May and June of 2021, respectively.Â
Some other resources to help in this challenging time:
Anti-Asian Violence Resources Carrd
Stop Asian Hate Carrd
Asian Mental Health Collective
Stop AAPI Hate
âOur Story, Our Voice: The Resilience of Queer AAPI Youthâ (GLSEN Article)
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Though he's been laughing at everything she says, whether she's being funny or not, it turns out he's the kind of guy who's only fully engaged when she's talking about her pain, who subtly steers conversations in that direction, because it furnishes an opportunity for him to demonstrate caring, which is not the same thing as caring.
Why did she tell him such a private detail immediately? Because her condition of winter loneliness had grown acute, and she felt compelled to tell her most compelling stories so she would be attractive and they could know each other quickly, profoundly, so she could relieve her solitude.
â Kiran Desai, The Loneliness of Sonia and Sunny
