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FIRST LOVE. What is it exactly? For some, they consider it as the happiest day of their lives. Some would tell you, that it was like a roller coaster. Wherein there were many ups and downs— but still together for couple of years now. But for some, their first love was their first heart break... And then, there comes a time when I wonder if what really hurts for them: to know that your someone is dead or to see him or her with someone else. Or maybe both?
My love for my family is unexplainable. My family is definitely my happiness. But when I met my first love, I found a different level of happiness. I know it was a major sin when I committed to a relationship with him. In fact, I don't even know if the Almighty could forgive me for this. But I hope He knew how sorry I am. If I could only turn back time... But swear to God, having him in my life that time was something I couldn't explain. He was actually the best part of my everyday. I was always excited to wake up in morning to read his sweet good morning messages. And to end my night with his sweet good night text like there's no tomorrow.
I might had crushes on some guys back then, but I never did imagine spending my life to anyone. But only to him. He was never my ideal man. Really. He was someone a girl doesn't like to be with. He is this bad boy, hard-headed, playboy, and a short-tempered boy who hates school. In fact, I don't think if he has ambitions and plans in life. In short, he's suchlike a gangster. But he, my not so ideal man, was the one I unexpectedly fell in love with. It was all unexpected.
Until changes happened. Strangers turned to friends then to lovers. We spent days together that turned to weeks, months and then years. We were so happy that we couldn't express it. We often go out, but it isn't a hindrance for us to show our love for each other. Through texts and phone calls, we're like together each day that passed by.
Until something happened again...
It all back to their place. Lovers turned to not-even-friends and then turned to strangers.
It all happened abrupt. It all happened in a split-second... It happened couple of years ago, but the pain inside me is still fresh that every now and then, I asked myself if I could still endure it. Until one day, I woke up and I was okay. Yet, I still do miss him every second of the day that passes by. But I have to keep myself busy for me not to. Cause it's really driving me crazy. I just hope he's doing great out there.
