#a.drafts

     Pearl Pangan wasn’t really one to dwell on things. She’s accustomed to always having to move forward. Her life just couldn’t afford for her to stay still, constantly having to work towards something in order to keep things going.

So… why is she here?

On the coast of a secluded beach somewhere in Mindoro, perched atop the edge of a sea stack as she looks off into the seemingly endless fields of blue that stretches both above and below her. Despite the vast openness of her surroundings, she feels…suffocated. She just sees her in everything, doesn't she?

She thinks of her when that shade of light blue enters her vision.

She thinks of her when the trees around her home dance with the wind in the afternoon.

She thinks of her when she passes by big cities when she's out on missions. The buildings, the infrastructure, all of that bustling life just for one person to permeate her consciousness.

"How about that one?"

Lei Ling turns around, taking a quick glance at the small building Pearl's pointing at before she lightheartedly scoffs.

"That truncation on the roof was unnecessary... and it doesn't look all that stable, come a natural calamity. I could probably construct a better blueprint for it's foundation with my eyes closed." She says in a semi-serious tone as she puts a hand to her hip.

Pearl chuckles, moving some hair out the sides of her face as they soar through the skyline of a city somewhere in Metro Manila.

"Ha! Why don't you do it yourself then?" She jests.

"...Doesn't sound like a bad idea, actually. It would genuinely be a beneficial venture for me."" Lei Ling says, putting a hand under chin.

Pearl smiles, shaking her head as she chuckles.

"Plus, we'd see each other more often if I actually go through with it, so..."

Pearl frowns at the memory.

Funny how they ended up seeing less of each other after that specific interaction. But that's not what hurts Pearl. It's that every interaction they did have thereafter, she just seemed to mess up and cut short every time. She's not blind to herself, she sees all of it. The shift in Lei Ling's demeanor whenever she does it.

How her eyes will dart in a different direction when she says something too intimate. The way her shoulders shrink when she turns away. How her breath ever so slightly hitches when Pearl finds herself in too close of a contact with her. That sheepish, almost nervous look in Lei Ling's face that Pearl reads as nothing but a sign for her to stop.

And it's a pain she's never truly had to tackle in her life. Her love has always been directed at something rational to her. The love she has for her grandfather, the people in her hometown, the entire country and all of it's people, she understands all of that.

Lei Ling, however... she can't wrap her head around it. Her heart surely can, but that just confuses her further.

The guilt of her lack of understanding in it haunts her. Hanging over her head as if it were mocking her. It's why no matter how much it slips from her mind and into her words or actions, she can never get herself to say it out loud. Because she dreads the moment Lei Ling will ask her,

"Why?"

She... doesn't know why.

Or at least is what she tells herself, anyway.

This back and forth in her mind repeats as she brings her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs. Eyes focused on the movement of the ocean before her as her body sits still against the wind. It's almost as if it's nudging her with the way it blows her hair out of her face softly. But that's the thought of her that's taking up her mind again.

Surely.