#9x25

 “Hey, it’s gonna be okay.”

 Danny blinks, realizing that he’s sitting on the floor, Tani crouching down next to him.  She puts a hand on his shoulder, barely flinching at the blood stains on his shirt.  Steve’s blood.

 “I don’t think it is,” Danny chokes out, hardly able to bear the kind look in Tani’s eyes.  He sinks his forehead to his knees and covers his head with his arms.  

 “Come on, you said it yourself.”  Tani gives his shoulder a squeeze.  “This is what they do.  And they always make it out the other side.”

 “You don’t understand.”

 “So fill me in.  We’ve got time.”  Tani shifts, settling herself next to Danny on the floor.  “Take a few deep breaths, okay, and then tell me what happened.”

 Danny breathes into the space between his knees, feeling his heart continue to pound a broken rhythm against his chest.  It reminds him of how he felt when that building collapsed on top of him, years ago. Except that time Steve was with him, holding his hand.  Making sure he made it out the other side.  

 Now he’s in a crowded hospital waiting room, surrounded by all of Five-0 except the person that matters most to him.  

 “You don’t wanna hear this.”

 “Try me.”

 Danny sighs.  He pretty much feels like he’s going to fall apart anyway, telling Tani can’t possibly make it worse.  “Just before Omar Hassan’s wife came in, I told Steve I lied to him about last week.  Told him I wasn’t in New Jersey, that I was with Rachel on Kauai instead.”

 Danny hears Tani suck in a breath, but before she can launch into him, Lou responds incredulously.

 “That’s bullshit.  I know you were in Jersey.  You’ve been talking nonstop about that Mets game you went to with your sister.  Even posted dumb pictures on Facebook.”

 “I know,” Danny says.

 “Wait, I’m confused,” Jerry says, pulling a chair over with a squeak.  “Were you in Jersey or not?”

 “I was, of course I was,” Danny says.  “Helping my folks move into a smaller place, just like I said.  I was just screwing with Steve, like I always do.  He does the same – hell, in the car earlier, he was giving me shit about that NSA woman he flirted with a few months ago.  And he’s always bringing up Catherine.  It’s what we do.”

 “You told him you spent a week on Kauai with Rachel, but you were just screwing with him?”  Lou asks, still obviously not convinced that Danny hasn’t lost his mind.

 “Not my best moment,” Danny confirms.  “But we weren’t done talking – we were in the middle of the conversation.   I could barely keep a straight face as it was, the joke would have been over in another ten seconds.  Azra Hassan interrupted me – if she hadn’t come in, this never would have happened.”

 He lifts his head and looks up at his team, who stare back at him with various degrees of disapproval.

 “Man, you really stepped in it this time,” Lou finally says, and Danny nods.

 “Yeah, I did.”

 Another hour goes by. Adam convinces Danny to get up off the floor, and they walk down the hall to the vending machine together. There’s something different about Adam lately, something hopeful, and Danny’s glad for him.

 Back in the waiting room, Tani pats a plastic chair next to her and he sits down between her and Lou. He offers Tani some of the candy bar Adam bought him.

 “Thanks,” Tani says, holding his hand steady while she takes a bite.  “You know,” she says, wiping a crumb off her mouth, “you really are kind of a dumbass.”

 Danny huffs out a bitter laugh.  “I’ve been told that before.”

 “Steve’s gonna be fine,” she says.  “And you guys are gonna be fine.  What you’ve got together is too good for this to throw it off course.”

 Danny stares at her then, and something must show in his face, because Tani gives him a soft smile he’s never seen before.  

 “Fuck,” Danny says.  “Did… did I just out us… Steve… to the entire team?”

 “We knew, Danny,” Tani says gently.  “We’ve known for a long time.”

 “Definitely,” Lou says. “That day taking prom pictures? Come on.”

 “My housewarming party,” Adam says, “that’s when I knew for sure.”

 Junior shakes his head. “I think it was even earlier.  Steve stays over your house all the time, it’s not exactly a secret.”

 “I knew something was up last fall.” Tani says.  “When Danny was away, and Steve brought in that giant box of coco puffs from Liliha’s, ‘cause he didn’t realize Danny was gone, and then he was so upset when he found out he moped like a middle school kid all week.”  

 “No, that was before Joe White was killed, wasn’t it?  Didn’t seem like you were together then,” Adam says.

 “Oh, yeah, it did,” Junior insists.  “You weren’t there when Danny showed up, but I was.  You should have seen the way-”

 “Okay, that’s enough,” Danny says, standing up, his face hot with embarrassment.  His team’s casual recital of everything he and Steve have been through for the past year isn’t making him feel any better, it’s just pointing out how much he has to lose.

 “Excuse me, Five-0?” It’s a little ridiculous how well all the hospital staff know them.  “I have an update on Commander McGarrett?”  

 They all turn, and Danny holds his breath as he waits for the doctor to continue.

 “How is he, doc?”  Lou asks.

 “He’s going to be fine,” the doctor says, and Danny feels a surge of relief so strong it almost knocks him over.  “He lost a lot of blood, and we were worried that he hit his head pretty hard on the way down, but the bullet missed all major organs.”

 “Can I see him?” Danny pushes forward, but the doctor steps back and holds out a hand.  

 “We’re moving him to a room, and then one of you can come in.”

 Danny nods, but the doctor continues, looking at Danny apologetically.  “He asked to see Captain Grover.  I’m sorry, Lieutenant.”

 “That’s okay, Danny can go-”

 “I’m afraid that’s not what I meant,” the doctor says.  He waits for Lou to acknowledge this.  “Someone will be back to let you know when he’s ready.”

 Danny sags against the wall. “He doesn’t want to see me.  He’s barely out of surgery, and the first thing he remembers is that I lied to him.”

 “But you didn’t,” Tani insists.

 “He thinks I did.  He almost died, and he thinks I betrayed him.”

 *****

Lou only spends a few minutes with Steve before the nurse kicks him out.  He fills the team in on Steve’s medical situation (he’s going to be stuck in the hospital for at least a few days, but he’ll make a full recovery) and tells them all to go home.  

 Lou stays behind, clearly anticipating that Danny wants to know more than he’s told the rest of the team.

 “What did he say?  Why can’t I see him?”

 Lou leans against the back of a chair, looking uncomfortable.  “I told him you were here, and that you were worried.  But I didn’t plead your case for you.  You’re going to have to do that yourself.”

 “What the hell?” Danny snaps, anger getting the best of him.  “You didn’t tell him anything?  That I wasn’t with Rachel?”

 “Actually, I tried. Against my better judgment.  But he wouldn’t listen, just waved his hand in my face and said he wanted to sleep.  And then the nurse kicked me out.”

 “This is not fair,” Danny says, looking around for someone else to complain to.  “Why – why won’t he listen?  Why won’t he let me talk to him?”

 “Give him some time, Danny,” Lou says.  “He’s had a rough day.”

 “A rough day,” Danny says, his throat catching.  “Yeah, that about sums it up.  Fuck.”

 Lou eventually goes home to shower and get some sleep, but Danny stays in the waiting room.  Jerry returns to sit with him for a while, and tries to cajole the nurses into letting him see Steve – he promises to put in a good word for Danny -  but apparently they want him to have “uninterrupted rest.”  Danny has the feeling this is actually at Steve’s request, to avoid having to deal with Danny, but there’s not much he can do about it.

 Later Tani and Junior come by, and Junior’s brought him a t-shirt and jeans.  His own.

 “How’d you get these?”

 Junior rubs his face. “I knew you’d ask that.”

 “The ‘Danny drawer,’ where else,” Tani says, smirking.

 “At Steve’s place?”

 “Well, my first thought was to get clothes from your house – we could use the key that Steve keeps in that bowl by the front door?  But Junes knew where to find your stuff at Steve’s, so that saved us a stop.”

 “How did you know I had clothes there?”

 “Junes does Steve’s laundry when he’s feeling particularly dutiful - didn’t Steve tell you?”

 Danny sighs.  Clearly he’s not the detective he used to be. Junior is a lot more observant than Danny has given him credit for, and Tani, well, Tani’s a force to be reckoned with.

 “It’s cool,” Junior says, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.  “I don’t mind doing laundry.  I like the routine.”

 Danny tries not to imagine Junior folding his boxers.  “I can’t believe this.”

 He does feel better when he’s changed into clean clothes.  There’s nothing like wearing a shirt with your partner’s blood on it to bring down your mood.  The t-shirt Junior brought is one of his favorite black ones, and it’s soft on his skin. He keeps it at Steve’s on purpose. Steve likes him in it.  And out of it.

 When Noelani comes to check on Steve (and Danny) later that day, after her shift, Danny gets an idea.

 “Can I borrow your jacket?” Sometimes being a relatively small guy comes in handy.  

 With Noelani’s white coat on and a confident stride, Danny passes for a doctor long enough to sneak into Steve’s room.

 Steve is lying on his side, facing away from the door.  He turns as Danny enters the room, and Danny’s heart skips a beat.  Steve’s got a bandage on his head, and a bruise running down the side of his face.  But the worst part is the defeated look in his eyes.

 “What are you doing here?” Steve says, his voice scratchy.

 “Steve, for god’s sake, I’ve been dying to see you.”  Danny rushes over, reaching for Steve.  He completely forgets about anything except getting him in his arms.

 But Steve flinches, and Danny freezes, then pulls his hands back to his sides.  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

 “Go away, Danny.”

 “Steve, you have to let me explain.  I wasn’t with her, I was just kidding around, I would never-”

 “Nurse!  Security! Help!”  Steve yells, and Danny is hustled out of the room before he can continue. The bastard, he thinks.  He’s just being childish.  And he’s managed to get Danny thrown out of the hospital for the remainder of Steve’s stay.

 With no other options left, Danny goes home.  

 A few days later, Steve gets released.  He’s not supposed to go back to work yet, but he’s recovered enough to go home.  Danny and Junior drive to the hospital in Steve’s truck, Tani following behind.

 “You sure you want to do this?”  Junior asks.

 “I’m sure.”  

 Junior goes inside and comes back out with Steve a few minutes later, while Danny waits in the car with Tani, slouched down and out of sight.    After Junior gets Steve settled into the passenger seat of the truck, he and Danny switch spots.

 Steve glares at Danny as Danny starts up the truck.  “Fuck off.”

 “No.”

 And that’s it, for almost the entire drive back to Steve’s place.  Danny has spent the past few days swinging back and forth between despair and fury, and right now, Steve’s refusal to talk to him is pushing all his fury buttons.  But he knows the mess between them is his fault, and he’s not going to let Steve ruin this.  Not if he can help it.

 So he sits there next to Steve, and drives his car, and brings him home.  Because that’s what partners do.  And that’s what <i>partners</i> do, even if they’re mad at each other.

 As they approach Steve’s house, Danny bites his lip, takes a breath, and speaks.  “I love you, you know.”

 Steve doesn’t answer.

 When they pull into the driveway, Steve jumps out before they come to a full stop.  He’s inside his house with the door slamming shut behind him before Danny turns off the truck.  As he watches Steve sprint up the walkway, he can’t help but be impressed – Steve’s physical injuries sure aren’t slowing him down.

 Over the next few days, Steve keeps up the silent treatment.  He doesn’t return Danny’s calls.  Grace informs Danny that Steve is answering her texts, but only if she talks about things other than Danny.  Tani tries to get Steve to talk to him, but when it doesn’t result in any progress, she just shrugs.  “Boys are dumb,” she announces, taking the last malasada out of the box Danny brought in for the team.  “I can only do so much.”

 A week after Steve was shot, Danny decides he needs to try another approach.  He does a little research, and makes a call.

    *****

The cove is beautiful. There are palm trees lining a gentle curve of beach, and one of the smaller Hawaiian islands is off the coast in the distance.  Danny fidgets as he waits.  He’s dressed the part, he hopes, with a white on white Aloha shirt and khaki slacks. He’s even wearing flip-flops, the kind Steve thinks are dressy, with braided leather straps.

 He hears Frank and Steve talking before he sees them.  Frank is excited about his new project, and had jumped at the chance to show it off to Steve – and try to help Danny out, too.  “Happy to help, sunshine,” Frank had said over the phone, and then explained how Danny could pay him back in beer.

 “The arch will go over here, with the chairs behind it, facing out to the ocean,” Frank says, his voice getting louder as they approach.  “I’ll build a hut, too, for the reception, all open air.  And open bar.”

 They come around the bend, Frank still talking, Steve looking around obligingly.  When Steve sees Danny, his eyes widen, and he comes to an abrupt stop.

 Frank looks at the two of them, pats Steve on the shoulder, and leaves, going back the way they came.

 “Danny,” Steve says, staring him down.  “What’s going on?”

 Danny swallows hard, and walks over to Steve.  At least he isn’t running away, Danny thinks.  “I wanted to talk to you.”

 “You couldn’t have done that somewhere else?”

 “I wanted to talk to you here,” Danny says.  He waves his hand at the clearing, which will someday host happy couples on their special day.  “I always imagined we’d end up at a place like this.  Eventually.  If things worked out.”

 Steve lifts his chin, looks away.  “Yeah, too bad that’s off the table.”

 Steve’s reaction stings, but Danny knows him.  It’s not over yet, and Danny has hardly gotten started.

 “Steve, please.  Stop being so stubborn and just listen to me for a minute.”

 Steve frowns, but after a long moment, he turns back to Danny.  “I’m listening.”

 Here goes, Danny thinks. He rehearsed what he wanted to say a dozen times, but he’s still not sure he’s going to get it all out.

 “I’m a changed man,” he starts, and he sees Steve’s eyes flit over his outfit.  Not just my clothing, you dope, he wants to say, but refrains.  “I’m a changed man, a better man, since I met you.  Not just since I met you, but… because you love me.  Because I love you.”

 Steve’s face softens for a moment, but then his jaw clenches again.  Danny can tell he’s about to lose him, and he rushes to get to the point.

 “I’ve gotten more positive, even if not everyone sees it.  I’ve opened myself up to the possibility of good things in my life.  Good things happening with you, in particular. But no matter what I thought before, I realize now, it wasn’t enough.  I didn’t change enough.”

 This gets Steve’s attention, and his eyes finally meet Danny’s.

 “I crossed a line, last week,” Danny continues, his eyes starting to tear up.  “I went too far.  And I’m sorry.”

 Steve steps back, still holding Danny’s gaze.  “Danny, you really hurt me.”

 “I know, babe.” It slips out, Danny can’t help it, and he moves forward and grabs Steve’s arms, hands squeezing his biceps tight.  “I know, I’m so sorry.  I screwed up. I’m so sorry.”

 “I believed you.” Steve’s voice is small, barely audible over the sound of the breeze in the palms.  “I didn’t want to, I knew it didn’t make sense, but for a few seconds there, I believed that you went away with Rachel.  That you lied to me, and cheated on me, and…”  Steve ducks his head down, but he doesn’t pull away.  “It really hurt.”

 Danny doesn’t doubt it, he can feel the ache in Steve’s chest just like the one in his own.  “I shouldn’t have joked about that,” Danny says, inching closer to Steve and sliding his hands up to his shoulders, pressing his collarbone with his thumbs.  “We kid around about almost everything, but I knew how you worried about me and Rachel.  I should have known it wouldn’t be a joke to you.  I went too far.  I’m sorry.”

 Steve looks at Danny, and his eyes are wet.  “I got shot. And you weren’t there.”

 Danny tilts his head, confused.  “I was there, I was right there.  Lou tackled Azra, Adam grabbed the kid, and I was next to you in seconds. I used the hem of my shirt to put pressure on your wound, I had your head in my lap-”  Danny’s voice breaks.  He can taste how terrified he was, when Steve didn’t respond.  He shudders, remembering all too clearly.

 “But you were with Rachel. In my mind.  And…  that’s what I thought, at the hospital, when I woke up.”

 “Is that why you wouldn’t let me come see you?”  It’s exactly what Danny feared – that given the drugs and the shock, all Steve would remember would be their last conversation.

 “At first.  And then,” Steve pauses, his tone shifting to something like embarrassment, “I was just pissed.”

 And hurt, Danny fills in. Really fucking hurt.

 “I’m so sorry,” Danny says again.  He’ll say it as many times as it takes.

 Steve sniffles, and then his arms are around Danny, pulling him close.  “I don’t like fighting with you.”

 “I don’t like fighting with you either,” Danny chokes out, digging his face into Steve’s neck.  He rubs his nose against Steve’s sweaty throat, feeling his stubble scratch over his skin.  “Please say we won’t fight anymore.”

 Steve makes a sound that’s somewhere between a laugh and a cry.  “I don’t think I can make that promise.”

 Danny laughs with him, snorting wetly into Steve’s shirt, and clutching him tight.  He feels lightheaded, almost giddy.  They’re going to be okay.  They’re really going to be okay.

 “Making me come out here with Frank was a dirty trick, you know,” Steve says, his hand sliding up into Danny’s hair.  “The whole time, I kept picturing you and me getting hitched on the beach, Gracie at your side, Mary at mine, Joanie and Charlie with flowers and rings.”

 “Really?”  The image had of course occurred to Danny too, he’s already admitted it, but he hadn’t begun to hope that Steve was on the same page.

 “Really.”

 “That’s, um, that’s good. That’s very good.”  Freakin’ understatement of the year, it’s so good.

 Steve laughs, more relaxed now, and he pulls back to find Danny’s eyes.  “Figured you’d think so.”  He looks Danny up and down.  “Nice outfit. Coincidence?”

 “Yeah, this vintage Aloha wedding shirt was just lying there at the top of my clean laundry basket, total luck of the draw.”  Danny raises an eyebrow.  “Hey, by the way, could you maybe have mentioned that Junior does your laundry?”

 Steve squints at him, and then apparently puts two and two together.  “Guess that might have given us away?”

 “Depends, I suppose, on whether he was fooled into thinking that you had secretly taken to wearing striped dress shirts in my size.”

 “And black t-shirts.”

 “That’s not completely beyond the realm of possibility,” Danny muses.  “You look hot in black.”

 “So do you,” Steve says, and then, unexpectedly, blushes.  “I like you in white, too.”  Steve leans in and kisses Danny, his mouth soft and gentle, and Danny melts against him.

 “Oh, babe, thank god,” Danny whispers against Steve’s lips, and Steve hums in agreement before ducking down to kiss him again, another gentle press, and another, until Danny is practically shaking with the force of his tenderness.

 “I don’t want to lose you, Danny,” Steve murmurs, kissing Danny’s cheek and down his jaw.  “Don’t even tease about it, okay?  Anything else is fair game, but not that.”

 “Okay, yes, absolutely. Lesson learned.  I’m so fucking sorry-”

 Steve cuts him off with a kiss that is significantly more heated, his tongue darting inside Danny’s mouth, pressing hard enough that their teeth clack together, then stopping for his own apology.   “I’m sorry too.  I was kind of an ass about it.  Should have let you talk.”

 Danny laughs against Steve’s lips as Steve takes his mouth again.  Steve isn’t letting him talk now either, but he’s got no problem with it. There is one thing he needs to say, though, and even Steve’s blisteringly hot making out skills aren’t going to stop him.

 “Steve?”

 “Hm?”  Steve blinks at Danny, pupils blown and eyes wide. “Yeah?”

 “I love you a ridiculous amount, okay?  And I’m yours.  Just yours.  For as long as you want me.”

 Steve beams and practically bounces on his toes.  “Yeah? How about forever?”

 Danny’s heart leaps, and he can feel his own radiant smile stretching his face.  “Sounds good.  Very good. Forever sounds good to me.”

 Steve grins and starts kissing him again, nipping at Danny’s lips and sucking at that spot on his neck that makes Danny moan, one hand firm against Danny’s back and the other tangling in his hair.  Danny loses himself in it, gives himself over to Steve, clutching at his shoulders and murmuring encouragement.

 Steve’s hand has moved to the front of Danny’s pants and Danny thinks there’s a decent chance he’s about to get his very first beachfront blowjob when they hear Frank clearing his throat, explaining in an amused tone that he needs to get back, but if they want to stay longer, they can probably catch an Uber.  Steve and Danny jump apart, Steve looking charmingly disheveled and Danny feeling like a kid almost literally caught with his pants down.