#9.17.16

today i caved & bought a pack of cigarettes i drove someone else's car & i was panicking the whole time my heart doesn't know how to be good anymore, i treat my body like a crime scene, make a spectacle of myself with the shaking & the smoking & the exhaustion my friends & i laugh at our broken brains but when i am alone in a room i am never sure if i will leave it alive we are all tired of the self-destruction but we're too afraid to admit it too afraid we will fail to change