#8principles

The following are my answers to the CR workbook.  Clarification: when I say “medication”, I mean my anti-anxiety medicine.

5. What was the “family secret” that everyone was trying to protect. - There weren’t any. I grew up aware of most of the problems going on in the family including divorce, infidelity, gang violence, cousins doing prison time, etc. 

6. How do I handle pain and disappointment? - PRE-medication = distraction = boyfriends, school, porn, keeping myself occupied all day everyday

- POST-medication = outbursts I handled my pain now by allowing myself to feel it wherever I may be (in bed, in the car, with the few friends I told everything to). I let myself cry as loudly and as long as I needed to. As for anger, I would just walk around all huffy and not say a word to anyone.

As for disappointment it depends...  - If i’m disappointed in myself, I’m very harsh on myself - replaying the moment repeatedly while agonizing over how that could’ve played better. - If I’m disappointed in someone else, I keep it to myself I’ll daydream though about what I would say to them if I did speak up. 

7. How do I address my denial? - With the help of this program, I’m developing the confidence to talk to people directly related to my denial over my feelings about different things (childhood traumas, bad parenting, etc.)