#807pm

 I asked my cousin for a serious topic that I should post about since I feel like I've been writing about some super unimportant stuff.

Where do I see myself 5 years from now?

Well for starters I'll be 25. FUCK I'll be 25.. This is such a hard question, usually seeing it from a distance I can easily list off many things I would like to be or do at the age of 25.

Fast forward to 2020. I want to live in a house. Ideally age 25 is when I want to start my big-girl life, with a big-girl job and possibly kids? Which seems highly unlikely for me right now considering my utmost luck with relationships and the sort. 

Honestly it's hard to think about the future realistically for me, when my struggle right now is a bit out of hand. You'd think envisioning the future would be more sweet when the you're struggling in the present. But for some reason I can't seem to unveil a clear picture of the future me in my mind. I'm really trying hard to think about what I'd want to achieve by then and where I want to be and all I can think about are the most basic things like graduating college and buying a house. Which is ultimately what most people want to do at that age.

Ever since I started this blog I've always had a recurring feeling every year, like my life is at a standstill and I'm stuck in a rut. Though I don't feel as helpless as I did back then, considering I'm paying for my own things now and the sort, I still feel somewhat stuck at a stage of my life. I know in some areas I've progressed and I've lived and learned. But at times, I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and I can barely move. 

Reading back at my posts from the past few years I've always still emphasized my boy problems. I'm still the same in that area right now, but maybe it's time to change that. I've always thought that if I diverted my attention to a smaller problem, like dating drama, I wouldn't go ballistic trying to figure out solutions to my real life problems. I've attempted to unravel what the bigger problem is to others but I would hesitate every single time. Consequently, I'd always change the subject to mundane topics. 

Now's not the time to do that anymore. I face my problems alone, but it's like being in the middle of a circle of bigger tougher people who have intentions to kill. I mean, all these years I've managed to get out of the toughest situations and still (somewhat) be nonchalant about it. But as years go by and things start piling up, I probably should revert my attention back to problems that actually hold me back. Maybe that's why I've been unlucky with people walking in and out of my life. I've always had the urge to want to lean on and depend on other people but because of my hesitation I'm extremely wishy-washy. 

At the end of the day though, it's not bad to remind myself that for the most part I helped myself out and I'm still (imperfectly) fine. It's just the thought that at one point I had people I can lean on and feel secure and safe around even with all the obscenities in my life. 

F. my favorite movie

gotta go with mean girls

N. favorite place to shop at

i have no idea... pretty much anywhere that has something i like

S. a random fact about myself

10. how tall am i?

about 5'3 i think...

11. what do i miss?

summer 2013

13. favorite color?

i don't have one! pink is nice though

17. favorite food?

807pm replied to your post “(^_−)−☆”

Can't

coffeecircuit replied to your post “(^_−)−☆”

OH GOD SHES DOING IT TO YOU TOO RUN WHILE YOU CAN

807pm replied to your post “™ªï¼ˆï½–＾＿＾）ｖｖ（＾＿＾ｖ）♪”

Ha