#7aeyung

It wasn't rare of Saeyoung to sit alone these past few days. I could tell he felt truly lost, for once in his life, he didn't have direction. I think, he felt as though life was truly real. There was no code he could manipulate, no data base he had to hack into, no binary numbers to show him whats wrong and what needs to be fixed. It was all foreign to him – he felt distanced from a familiar world of numbers and had been thrust into this real world once Saeran had been taken.

I could tell he was in pain, but no the sort of pain someone feels when they simply miss a family member; or a pain that you feel when you've been rejected; but a pain that is akin to the tearing of every muscle in your body. As though you had been yanked from every limb. But it wasn't physical pain, it was more a ripping of the soul and a complete loss of what felt so familiar to you. I couldn't say I have felt this pain before – at least not like Saeyoung. 

He took up smoking. Almost ironically. He sat in the backyard of his house on a stoop, staring up at the sky most of the time. He smoked Marlboro's. I know because I see the packs pile up along with empty Honey Buddah Chip packets scattered around his unkept house. I'd learnt to leave him alone when he's like this though, I respect how much he misses his brother and I know nothing I do or say will change that. 

However, I still hate seeing him like this. Saeyoung isn't always a happy-go-lucky person and he has his a serious side too. But seeing the pain in his eyes, the way he twirls his cigarette in between his index and middle finger with his thumb, letting the padding of his thumb smooth over the filter before giving it a quick flick and putting it back between his lips, just makes me hurt for him. I know he would hate it if I told him this though, so I show my attention and care through cleaning up things around the house. It's the least I could do for him.

“Saeyoung...” I asked gently, placing a warm hand on his free hand, unoccupied with a half-finished cigarette. Saeyoung stayed quiet, his body tensing as I first approached him, then slowly melting under my touch as I rubbed circles on the back of his hand with my thumb. Judging by his anxious reaction, he was just in deep thought. “Saeyoung...” I repeated, leaning forward this time to peer into those vibrant yellow eyes hidden behind messy, vermillion bangs and horn-rimmed glasses. It didn’t take long for Saeyoung’s eyes to meet mine and his expression softened, giving me a weak smile. He smelt of tobacco and Dr. Pepper. I smiled softly back at him, trying to convey without words that I was there to comfort him.

“MC... I’m sorry I’ve been like this lately. I just can’t stop worrying about Saeran. It must be really annoying, haha...”, Saeyoung spoke slowly, hesitantly laughing it off and trying to become cheerful for me. I shook my head, tightening my grip on his smooth hand. “I love every part of you, Saeyoung”, I reassured, “I believe you are feeling a lot more than I could ever understand and I want to be with you through it all. We will bring him back to you, okay?”. My words seemed to echo in the darkness of the backyard around us, the moon filtering through the large trees that surrounded the property to dapple silky, lilac moonlight onto Saeyoung’s fire red hair.

Saeyoung’s shoulders dropped at my words, his whole body seemed to relax. Even if it was just for now, I’d like to comfort him as much as I can before we resume the hunt for Saeran. Saeyoung’s anxieties become my anxieties, his worries become my worries, and his sadness becomes my sadness. I can’t help but feel his emotions so strongly when I’m by his side. But I always want to be the one who uplifts him no matter what. Although, I feel as though he reflects my intentions too. Saeyoung smiled down at me, his amber eyes glistening slightly behind his bangs. “Ahh...” he finally spoke, letting out a sigh before putting his cigarette out on the pavement with a sizzle, “I must’ve been a real saint in my past life to deserve someone like you, MC”. I couldn’t help but blush at his words as he put a hand at the nape of my neck. 

I relaxed in his firm, but attentive grip, allowing him to pull me into his gaze further. Staring back into his golden eyes, I felt at home and at peace. ‘Ah, I wanted this’ I admitted to myself. His warm touch, the faint smell of tobacco on his breath and the soft smell of shampoo sent tingles up my spine. This is Saeyoung’s scent. My favourite scent. Saeyoung drew his lips closer to mine, his breath tickling my lips as I allowed myself to relish in the anticipation of this moment before his slightly chapped lips planted themselves on mine; where they belong. I leant into him, moving my hand from his and placing them flatly onto his chest. I could feel his heart racing, mirroring my own as his fingers glided into the strands of my hair and tugging ever so gently at the roots. I sighed into his lips with a small smile before pulling away.