#7.07

in short they should have kissed

When Sam finds out, he says he can't be around Dean. Dean gives Sam space without protest. For a week and a half, they don't speak. It's possible Dean's tried to call, but we see that Sam hasn't left him any messages (and Dean's been checking). Sam and Dean happen to reunite in "The Mentalist" because they just so happen to pursue the same case (because again. As I am always saying. #sam the hunter). Sam is not sure about working together when he first sees Dean, because he's still pissed, but he's also hiding a smile at Dean's antics almost immediately behind his cold exterior. Dean is definitely laying it on thick with the banter and the jokes (as Leviathan!Dean said last episode: Dean thinks he's a comedian) and no one has been there to laugh or glare disapprovingly at his jokes for the last week and a half (as pointedly illustrated when Dean investigates the crime scene alone at the beginning of the episode and tells a joke to an empty room). Dean jumps right into his thoughts on the case quickly, which Sam probably appreciates as he's been pouring over a bunch of lore and case details alone, and he agrees to work together with only a token protest about still being mad at Dean. Big "you're on thin ice" vibes.

But their squabble is so JUICY. First of all, it happens right after a psychic pulls Dean aside to give him a message from Ellen of all people:

I’m sorry, I don't normally do this during business hours, but do you know an Eleanor... or an Ellen? She seems quite concerned about you. She wants to tell you – pardon me – if you don't tell someone how bad it really is, she'll kick your ass from beyond. You have to trust someone again eventually.

And damn—it's a little messy, but Dean goes outside and he starts to communicate.

DEAN: No, we agreed to work the case. We didn't agree for you to be a dick the whole time.

Honestly? I didn't think Sam was being that big of a dick—he was jumping the gun on a few things, including burning the bones (and they end up burning the wrong ones and someone else dies).

SAM: What? DEAN: You're pissed, okay? And you've got a right.

I love this, because Dean's anger is rarely treated as justified no matter what the cause, but Dean's not going to deny someone the right to be mad at him when he's hurt them.

SAM: Yeah, damn straight. DEAN: But enough's enough. SAM: Says who? Look, I'll work this damn case, but you lied to me, and you killed my friend. SAM turns and walks away.

You think Dean's done? Ohhhh buddy he hasn't even gotten started.

DEAN walks after him. DEAN: No, I put down a monster who killed four people, and if you didn't know her, you'd have done the same thing.

Oh SNAP! GET HER ASS!!! SHE FUCKING KILLED PEOPLE SHE THOUGHT WERE BENEATH HER ON THE SOCIAL LADDER AND JUSTIFIED IT WITH HER GODDAMN MORTGAGE!!

SAM: I did know her, Dean.

Amy is special because Sam knew her, so she deserved special treatment... or did she?

DEAN: Yeah, which is why you couldn't do it. SAM stops. DEAN: Look, I get it. There are certain people in this world, no matter how dangerous they are, you just can't.

I wonder who Dean could be thinking of 🤔 Perhaps the angel he refused to believe would ever betray them until it was unwittingly revealed by Cas himself? The angel who broke Sam's brain who Dean still couldn't stop grieving and hoping would come back to himself after? Whose trench coat he's carrying around in his trunk? Then again... Dean did move to kill godstiel when it came right down to it. There is a connection between Dean's feelings about Amy and his feelings about Cas's betrayal though.

SAM: Don't pull that card! That's bull. Look, if I've learned one thing, it's that if something feels wrong, it probably is! DEAN: Usually, yeah. But killing Amy was not wrong. You couldn't do it, so I did. That's what family does – the dirty work. And I woulda told you, eventually, once I knew that this whole "waving a gun at Satan" thing was a one-time show. I think it's reasonable to want to know that you're off the friggin' high dive, Sam. You almost got us both killed, so you can be pissed all you want, but quit being a bitch.

God DAMN! That bit about family is going to come back and bite Dean in the ass in a HUGE way, but Dean's sorting through his feelings about what went down with Amy, and he's taking a stand: 1) Lying to Sam/going behind his back was wrong 2) Sam has every right to be mad at him, but if they're going to work, they need to work professionally and efficiently—Sam can't just bulldoze. 3) Killing Amy in of itself wasn't wrong. She murdered four people with no remorse, and the kind of favoritism Sam showed her was dangerous.

Dean's also snapping back on the trust aspect of this that's very much in play, because Amy herself isn't necessarily even what Sam's most mad about. He's mad that Dean didn't trust him and went behind his back. This is a little eye-brow-raising anyway because Sam very much went behind Dean's back first, but add that Sam left Dean alone and defenseless while he laid up with a broken leg while creatures from another dimension were hunting them, and refused to answer the phone with the context that he'd been actively hallucinating so badly that he almost murdered Dean and killed himself. It doesn't justify Dean lying to him, but it puts Dean's stress and his decision to lie in context, together with Dean's rejection of Sam showing Amy favoritism.

I said this is Dean communicating, and he really is communicating a lot of new information about his state of mind when you look at this from Sam's POV. Sam has been worried about Dean for weeks, and Dean's been refusing to talk about anything that might be bothering him. Now Dean's unleashed a lot of pent up thoughts and perspective, while still validating Sam's right to be angry that Dean lied. And it actually softens Sam's perspetive toward Dean, along with the case they're working about two sisters that softens Sam further, along with the obvious enjoyment he gets out of working with his brother. So when Dean goes out to his car at the end of the episode:

DEAN: Hey. SAM: Hey. DEAN: That's your stuff. SAM: Yeah. Yeah. I figured we'd take one car. DEAN: Works for me. You still want to break my face? SAM smiles. SAM: No. Uh, not at this moment.

Sam's actually satisfied enough with Dean communicating, even if it happens within an argument where they have a moral disagreement! In fact, Sam is able to see exactly where Dean is coming from morally and meet him in a middle ground where they at least agree that it isn't actually as black and white as Sam wanted it to be.

SAM: Look, you know what? Um... You were right. About Amy. If she was... just any monster, I'm not sure I could have let her walk away. I don't know. I mean, I'll never know. DEAN: So, what are you saying? SAM: What I'm saying is... I get why you did it. You were just trying to make sure no one else got hurt.

The thing that's still eating at Sam, is that Dean hasn't been fully honest with him yet about what exactly is going on with him. Sam has observed Dean's terrible mental state the last several weeks with increasing concern, and he's already focused in on this idea of "If it feels wrong, it probably is wrong".

SAM: But here's the thing. You can't just look me in the face and tell me you're fine. I mean, you're not sleeping, you drink for the record— DEAN: Oh, here we go. SAM: Look, whatever. Last one to preach, I know. But... Just be honest with me. How are those the actions of someone who knows they did the right thing?

If Dean's mental state is a result of guilt over what he did to Amy, that means he isn't being honest with Sam or himself about where he went wrong. If Dean only feels guilty about lying to Sam, that's fair enough—Sam gets his moral point of view as far as Amy. But if Dean actually thinks killing her was wrong, he needs to own up to it. The other possibility is that something else is eating at Dean that he hasn't fully communicated, and Sam wants to know what that is. They do dangerous work, and Sam needs to know what Dean's mental state actually is just as much as Dean needs Sam to be open about his own.

DEAN: You want me to be honest? SAM: Yeah. DEAN: I went with my gut. And that felt right. I didn't trust her, Sam. Of course, ever since Cas, I'm having a hard time trusting anybody. And as far as how I been acting... I don't know. Maybe it's 'cause I don't like lying to you. You know, it doesn't feel right. So, yeah, you got me there. I been climbing the walls.

Dean's further communication here does two things for Sam: 1) It's going to really relieve the part of Sam that's upset about the idea that Dean just didn't trust him, because Dean says lying to Sam felt so wrong that twisted him up in knots for weeks. That's far off from Sam's concerns of having an older brother who simply doesn't believe he can do the job or make the right decisions. Dean's guilt is felt so deeply because he sees Sam as a trusted partner deserving of his honesty, and believed it was wrong and unfair to lie to him. 2) Dean further communicates why he is struggling emotionally which leaves Sam feeling like he's in a better position to understand him and support him. It also communicates further trust and cultivates a mutually supportive relationship where Sam doesn't just feel like the crazy guy Dean is going to have a heart attack thinking about supporting, but feels like he can support Dean too.