#6.2.17

I hate the me that tells others to stay and tolerate people staying, allowing them to grow a relationship with me...but then there are days when I feel like I'm in a abyss and even if people extend their hand out to me, I want to slap it away. I don't hate them. I just feel suffocated around everything and it hurts to breathe and I feel like vomiting. It's like the whole world either abruptly stops or it's reversing itself. The worst part is I don't know when it will truly end and if it does,it's usually temporary. Then it comes back and I hurt people more, unintentionally. I don't mean to, but I just do.

I'm starting to have a burning resentment of you. I know it's because I'm confused, and hurt, and afraid, and all that comes out as anger. Anger is an easier emotion to breathe with. It makes my lungs fill up instead of feeling like I'm choked with every breath. The anger wants me to lash and curse at you, although that's not what i want. I miss your friendship, your quirk, and your loving innocence. And it hurts because I don't think you miss me. And that's where it comes full circle, and I'm back where I started, breathing my anger.

me @ bbc sherlock: ...i'm tired...let me rest....im done with you.... me: *searching for clues after two minutes*