It’s about time
Only moments ago, I felt as though I could express every bit of my soul. Inspiration near, a spark, a spirit brought back to life. But as they often do, words escape me. The current against me, resistance so forceful that it seems impossible to overcome.
All I want is to share with you how I feel, my gratitude, in a way that you so often do for me. In a way that, seems so simple for you, so easy, so full, so true and genuine and beautiful. Though I know you often say that it isn’t, that you hesitation sets in so often. The difficulty of saying what’s right. Being torn between sending and deleting. Yet, once it has begun its journey and arrived at its destination, all I can think of is the beauty in it.
The beauty in what I read. The depth of it all. And no matter how many times you’ve said it, it feels as though you’re telling me for the first time. As if these feelings and thoughts are new to you, feelings and thoughts that you’ve never experienced and never shared with me before.
The beauty in the fact that you spend so much time to create such a work. A work that you yourself feel is inadequate. To know that you ever even consider allowing a portion of your time to be dedicated to such a gift. A gift that very few truly give.
You always bring me back to earth. Remind me that I’m human. That I’m just as human as anyone else and that there’s reason to become more than what I am in the moment.
You remind me so often how much I love you and how much I want to care for you.
And I so very much understand your wants and your needs and I know that I need to fix myself in order to give you the parts of me that I know you deserve even when you choose to tell yourself that you don’t. There’s something beautiful about you, that very few possess. Something I didn’t realize until this moment. Something I am sure you don’t realize yourself.
Please believe me when I say that I want to be part of your life. I haven’t always done the best job and I have no excuse. When I see you, all I really want to do is run up to you and hug you, yet in certain moments, I become consumed with what’s in front of me. It’s unfair to you, because I love you.
And I know of your struggles. And that it will be ongoing, but I want to be by your side. And I want to be able to help you through it and mostly to help you help yourself through it. In the same way that you help me help myself.
But for now, as I struggle to put my feelings into words, let me just say, that I am grateful beyond measure. I am so thankful in a way that no word can fully express. I believe you are mistaken. There is no way that I feel as if I can repay you, my dear friend.
