#500selfchallenge

Dazai thinks he's a failure as a Slytherin. [Harry Potter AU]

“I'm a failure as a Slytherin,” Dazai announces gravely to his friends as they sit around a table with butterbeers in their hands.

Ango gives a sigh and nods. “As a fellow Slytherin, I can empathise.”

Oda frowns as he looks at the yellow of his uniform. He's pretty sure they're talking about the fact that they're friends with him, but why are they picking on him all of a sudden?

Dazai eyes his friend.

“Tell me the truth, Odasaku. You were supposed to be sorted in Slytherin but you asked to be placed in Hufflepuff, didn't you?”

Oda shakes his head. “It was a definite Hufflepuff. I thought you'd be in Ravenclaw though, Dazai.”

“Hm. I told the sorting hat as much. It laughed and put me in Slytherin.”

Ango snorts. “Are we supposed to be surprised?”

“Yeah, yeah, you're a true Slytherin all right.”

The doors to The Three Broomsticks open, and Dazai lights up. He makes his way to the group of newcomers so fast that Ango rolls his eyes.

“Don't worry, Odasaku. That's the reason why Dazai thinks he's a failure as a Slytherin.”

Oda takes one look at Nakahara Chuuya, the seeker of the Gryffindor team, and nods in complete understanding.

“Hat rack~” Dazai coos happily. “Have you come to terrorise the lovely citizens of Hogsmeade with that atrocity on your head? Also, I’ve recently realised something. You must have dwarf blood or something! That's why you're so short!”

“You bandaged bastard,” Chuuya snarls. “What blood do you have then? Troll?”

Dazai pouts. “Have you ever seen any troll with such a handsome face before?”

Chuuya gives him a face of disgust. “I've seen trolls who are better looking than you.”

“Liar~ You Gryffindors are such liars~”

“Leave my house out of this!” Chuuya snaps. He turns to his friends in annoyance. “Help me out!”

“We have no wish to get in the way of your lovers' spat,” Kunikida says with a roll of his eyes.

Chuuya splutters.

“Please just kiss him already so we can get our butterbeers.”

“Kouyou!” Chuuya shrieks at his sister from Ravenclaw. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh, come on,” Higuchi groans. “Everyone knows you guys made out after the Yule Ball last year.”

“WE DID NOT!”

“See~ liar~”

“DAZAI, SHUT THE FUCK UP.”

Chuuya lets out a frustrated shout before he storms out of the place. His friends sigh as they look after him. Kouyou raises an eyebrow at Dazai.

“Why can't you just ask him out normally? You know he's too hot-headed for such games.”

Dazai laughs. “Where's the fun in that? Well, if you would excuse me.”

Before Dazai leaves, he grabs two bottles of butterbeers. He finds Chuuya sitting by himself while kicking at the snow and smiles. He sits next to him and passes the butterbeer to him.

“So, you were amazing during your last match.”

Chuuya just huffs before he takes his drink.

“I want chocolates after this.”

Chuuya doesn’t really know what to do about the flower petals that litter the ground or the heart-shaped balloons floating in the air. Nor does he know what to do about the huge Dazai loves Chuuya sign in the middle of the room. His anger at the other gang is shocked out of him, and he doesn’t even remember what he wanted to complain to Dazai about. He stares as Dazai walks over to him, a single stalk of rose in his hand, and a smirk on his handsome face.

“My darling, would you be so kind as to do me a favour?”

Chuuya continues staring, wondering if he had been transported to some strange universe. This isn’t out of character for Dazai per se, but it’s just so random.

“What?”

“Would you be so kind as to commit a double suicide with me?”

Chuuya rolls his eyes and shoves Dazai in the chest as he pushes past the taller man in annoyance.

“No, you fucking bandaged-wit.”

“Then would you marry me?”

“I said… no… wait, what?” Chuuya whirls around, his eyes wide as he takes in the sight of Dazai looking around nervously. “What did you just say?”

“Well, I just asked you if you would marry me,” Dazai repeats calmly. “If you don’t want to – ”

“Do it properly!” Chuuya howls at him before shaking his head. He gestures at all the decorations in the room. “What the hell is all this?”

“It’s Romantic,” Dazai says before he crosses his arms and pouts. “Do you know how many times I got pricked by the rose thorns when I was plucking the petals? And do you know how much that sign costs?”

“So don’t do them,” Chuuya deadpans before he glares at Dazai. “And what about that first question? A double suicide? Seriously?”

“Statistics show that you’re more likely to say yes to a request after hearing an absurd request!”

“So you know that your double suicide proposals are absurd?”

“Not the point, hat rack!”

“Whatever, mackerel.”

“So will you marry me or not!”

“I didn’t say no!”

“You didn’t say yes either!”

Chuuya rolls his eyes. It’s not as if Dazai doesn't assume the meaning behind every other thing he says anyway, so why is this any different?

“You’re an idiot,” Chuuya tells Dazai softly as he takes the detective’s hands into his and smiles at him. “Of course it’s a yes. Who else would I marry?”

Dazai smiles and pulls Chuuya into a hug. “Good.”

Chuuya’s smile turns wider as he wraps his arms around Dazai’s waist. He has just made a big life decision but, for some reason, it doesn't feel like anything has changed. He tells Dazai as much.

“That’s because it hasn’t,” Dazai replies with a shrug. “We always were a pair.”

“You’re awfully sappy today.”

Dazai sighs. “Romantic, Chuuya, romantic.”

Chuuya rolls his eyes.

“Well, what now?”

Dazai laughs as he pulls away. He smiles down at Chuuya.

“Now, we live our lives together.”

Chuuya's high on morphine. [Black Era]

Chuuya giggles, looking absolutely delighted. Dazai stares at him and raises an eyebrow.

“You do realise you’ll probably need an operation right?”

Chuuya just laughs again. Whatever he wants to say is abruptly cut off as the door opens to reveal Mori and Kouyou.

“Boss! Ane-san!” Chuuya greets happily as he attempts to stand. Dazai immediately places his hands on Chuuya’s legs and shakes his head.

“Stay put!”

“Indeed,” Mori says, looking rather amused. Kouyou scoffs lightly as she walks over to Chuuya.

“How are you feeling?”

“Peachy,” Chuuya replies with a grin before he sighs and leans back against the pillow. “You know, I didn’t really want to join the Port Mafia at first. You guys were such bullies and kept intruding on my turf.”

Dazai and Kouyou tense as they exchange glances before looking at Mori. Their boss just looks thoroughly entertained as he takes a seat.

“Is that so, Chuuya-kun?”

“Uh-huh. And, no offense, Boss, but you looked like a greasy, perverted old man.”

“Chuuya,” Kouyou says sharply and Chuuya pouts at her.

“And that’s why no one believes you when you tell them your age, Ane-san! You look beautiful but you look so stern and you sound like my mom.”

Kouyou narrows her eyes at him but Chuuya’s attention is already on Dazai.

“Oh and you.”

Dazai stares back at him, arms folded and severely unimpressed.

“What about me, hat rack?”

“I wanted to send you to the ER the first time I laid eyes on you and it’s not because you’re wrapped in bandages – that deserves a visit to the psych ward – but because you look so absolutely infuriating with that pompous look and holier-than-thou manner of speaking. Like, who do you think you are?”

Dazai opens his mouth but Chuuya interrupts him.

“But the bandages and that attitude was actually really hot, so much so that I wanted to punch you.”

Dazai’s mouth slowly falls open as he processes the words. Mori chuckles while Kouyou stares at Chuuya openly in disapproval.

“Chuuya, you – ”

“And your friend. Damn was he hot too.”

“… Odasaku?”

“Yeah,” Chuuya agrees, smiling sweetly. “Odasaku.”

Mori coughs as he stands up. “I think we should leave them to themselves, Kouyou-kun.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

Dazai watches helplessly as the two adults leave before turning back to Chuuya who has dissolved into a fit of giggles.

“Don’t be jealous, Dazai, I prefer you.”

Dazai smirks. This sounds more like it, but –

“I’m not jealous.”

“Mm. And I hate to admit it but you’re really smart.”

Dazai hums though he feels slightly miffed that Chuuya just ignored his claim of not being jealous.

But you were totally awestruck when you saw me too.”

“I was not.”

“You tripped over thin air.”

“A mere misstep.”

“Hm.”

Dazai sighs. It’s not like Chuuya will remember this later.

“Fine, I thought you were really hot too.”

Chuuya smiles in satisfaction and smirks.

Atsushi observes Dazai and Chuuya at work and learns more than he ever wants to. [Model/ Photographer AU]

“Are you excited for your first job, Atsushi-kun?”

“Yes!” The new assistant photographer says enthusiastically. “I’ll be in your care, Dazai-san.”

Dazai smiles at him. “You’ll be great, Atsushi-kun.”

As they set up the camera and lighting equipment, Atsushi asks Dazai for some advice. He knows the basics and what to do, of course, but it still feels surreal that he’s actually on set and expected to help out with the actual photo shoot now.

“Well, you’ll mostly be in charge of lighting today, but I’ll say that the most important thing is to establish rapport with the model. Sure, they’re professionals but I always find that I take the best photos when they’re the most natural,” Dazai says. He smiles and leans against the wall as he watches Atsushi. “You’ll be fine, Atsushi-kun. You’re friendly and easy to talk to.”

Atsushi flushes at the compliment. “Thank you, Dazai-san! I’ll keep your words in mind.”

“Chuuya-san has arrived and is doing his makeup now,” a man reports to Dazai and Atsushi frowns in concern when he sees the colour draining from Dazai’s face.

“Dazai-san, are you alright?”

Dazai smiles tersely. “I’m fine.”

Atsushi leaves it at that though it quickly becomes apparent that there’s some sort of history between Dazai and Nakahara Chuuya. The moment the redhead enters the room and sees Dazai he scoffs loudly.

“Seriously, mackerel? You?”

Dazai rolls his eyes. “I’m not happy about this either, slug.”

Nakahara doesn’t reply as he shrugs off his leather jacket. He’s wearing a ripped shirt and he smirks when Dazai glances at the patch of exposed skin near his hipbone before immediately looking away.

“Do you need the air conditioning temperature to be lowered? You look really hot,” Nakahara says before licking his bottom lip slowly.

Atsushi notices that Dazai follows the movement of Nakahara’s tongue before he comes back to himself with a short laugh.

“Nah, don’t want you freezing to death in that outfit of yours.”

“Aww, bandaged bastardi, didn’t know you cared.”

“Oh, the amount of knowledge that evades you, hat rack~”

As the photo shoot progresses, Atsushi can’t help but notice that despite the barbed insults the two throw at each other that there’s also an underlying sexual tension that’s so strong it makes being in the same room as them awkward. And he’s definitely not the only one who feels it because every other person is purposefully avoiding looking at either the photographer or model for too long.

“This always happens,” someone complains softly and another laughs.

“I wish they would just fuck already instead of torturing us all.”

“Apparently, they used to date.”

“Really? No way!”

The photo shoot ends and Atsushi doesn’t miss the flirty smile that Nakahara shoots Dazai before he leaves the room nor does he miss the way Dazai’s eyes are glued to Nakahara’s ass until the door shuts behind him.

“Atsushi-kun.”

“Yes, Dazai-san?”

“That was a very bad example.”

Dazai takes Asahi to work for once. [skk family series]

Chuuya yawns as he grabs his bag from the couch.

“Really? You can't take a day off? Maybe half a day?”

Chuuya eyes him. “I've survived worse than this.”

“Yes, but you didn't have children back then.”

Chuuya rolls his eyes. “Our children are so easy to take care of.”

“Well, discipline starts young,” Dazai says with a beam.

“I expect you're going to take credit for that.”

“I'm the one who stays at home to teach them~”

“I'm not quitting my job.”

Dazai scoffs. “And I've never expected or wanted you to do that, silly hat rack~”

Chuuya laughs, leaning over to peck Dazai on the lips before he leaves. Dazai watches him go with a wide smile, feeling as happy as he did the first day they decided to start a new life together.

Dazai starts preparing breakfast and goes to wake his older children up while the food is cooking. Haru and Himari groan and whine as they shuffle to the bathrooms. While Haru and Himari eat their breakfast, Dazai starts dressing for the day. He was going to take the day off but Kunikida texted him and said that he needed Dazai's help with because he has a sudden meeting with the police. There was also a really long rant about his schedule being messed up but Dazai didn't bother to read that.

Asahi is sleepy throughout the better half of the morning and doesn't make a sound as Dazai drops Haru and Himari off at their school, though he does keep looking around as if looking for something. However, about an hour after arriving at the Agency office, Asahi begins to cry loudly.

“Is he okay?” Atsushi asks in worry.

Dazai jiggles the boy in his arms, cooing at him and even though Asahi calms down a bit in his father's arms, he still doesn't stop crying. He keeps twisting in Dazai's hold as he looks at his surroundings.

“Ah, he's probably not used to the office,” Dazai says. “It's his first time here after all.”

Asahi lets out a sob and buries his head in his father's chest.

“Awww, there, there, papa is here; there's nothing to be scared of.”

“Is he looking for something? A toy maybe?” Atsushi asks.

“He's looking for his mama,” Dazai says with a laugh.

Of course Asahi is – he's used to being with Chuuya at work every morning. Once Kunikida returns to the office, Dazai immediately sets off for the Port Mafia Headquarters. (Tachihara looks more afraid of him than usual.)

“Chuuya~”

The redhead looks up from his documents. “Dazai, what are you doing here?”

“Someone misses you,” Dazai says as he holds Asahi up.

The baby stops sniffing and squeals happily upon spotting Chuuya. The redhead lets out a laugh and walks over, taking Asahi into his arms.

“All the kids like you more than me,” Dazai says with a pout.

Chuuya laughs. “That's because I'm awesome.”

Dazai really should have just asked. 

“ – Chuuya-kun, are you even listening to me?”

Chuuya looks up at Mori with guilt in his eyes. Mori raises an eyebrow.

“What's wrong?”

Chuuya shakes his head. “It's nothing, boss. It's my personal affairs and I shouldn't bother you with this.”

Chuuya's contradicting his statement with a pleading look in his eyes. It's not his fault; he needs to get this out of his system.

Mori chuckles. “Do tell me what's bothering you, Chuuya-kun. I can't have my executive suffering now, can I?”

“Dazai wants to marry me,” Chuuya blurts out and then promptly turns red as he buries his face in his hands. “Boss, help me.”

Mori pauses. “Are you unsatisfied with the ring?”

Chuuya stays still for a moment before he peers at Mori through his fingers. “... Excuse me?”

“Well, I didn't think big, fancy diamonds were your type. I thought having the black diamond embedded into the ring was a really lovely idea, and it's meaningful too.”

Chuuya can't actually believe he's hearing this but what he's more concerned about is – “Meaningful?”

Mori stares at him pointedly. “Double Black?”

“Ohhhh,” Chuuya says before he drops his hands and frowns at Mori. “You knew about this?”

“Well, Dazai-kun came to ask my and Kouyou-kun's permission.”

“... You said yes?”

“Well, you're obviously in love with each other.”

“...”

“... Was I supposed to say no?”

“But – ” Chuuya bites his lower lip. But there are so many problems. Yeah, sure, Fyodor is gone, and the Port Mafia and Agency still have their alliance but they're still essentially different companies and -

“You think too much,” Mori interrupts. “Why not take the day off?”

Chuuya nods. He wanders around the streets for a while and his feet take him to the Agency office. Figuring that he might as well talk to Dazai about it, Chuuya knocks on the door and walks in. He hears familiar whining and a smile unconsciously appears on his lips.

“Kunikida-kunnnnn, what if he says no?”

“Shut up. I've just spent one hour comforting you; you are not ruining my schedule further.”

“But Kunikida-kun, this is painful! Atsushi-kun, I am dying! No, I don’t want to die actually! Ranpo-san, you know the answer, right? Tell me!! Chuuya should know how much I love him right?”

“Why not just ask him yourself?” Ranpo asks.

Dazai appears in front of Chuuya comically fast.

“Chuuya!” he says as he hugs the executive tightly.

Chuuya splutters as he tries to pry Dazai off him. He finally succeeds in throwing him to the ground and glares down at him. Dazai actually looks like he wants to cry.

“Does this mean no?”

“Well, you could have asked me instead of leaving the ring in my coffee cup,” Chuuya says with a roll of his eyes. Kunikida smacks his ideals book against his forehead.

Dazai stands up and smiles at Chuuya brightly. He grabs Chuuya's hands and leans in close to the redhead.

“Chuuya, will you marry me?”

Skk family ~

“I’m home,” Dazai calls out happily, the grin on his face widening when he hears two voices calling back welcome home. Dazai hugs the little girl that runs over to him and picks her up in his arms. “Hey there, Hima-chan. How was your morning?”

“Great!” The girl replies. “And you have to take us out for dinner because oni-chan and I finished all our homework.”

“Did you now? That’s great.”

Dazai walks over to the living room to find Haru lying on the sofa face up and reading a book.

“Interesting book?”

The boy hums in reply. Dazai laughs and puts Himari down. He sits on the ground and pulls his children’s work over.

“Where’s mama?” he asks as he opens Haru’s kanji workbook.

“Sleeping in the room,” Himari answers. “Asa-chan’s in there with him.”

“Mm, I’ll go check on them later.”

After reading through his children’s works, Dazai heads to the bedroom. He gently opens the door and his heart swells at the sight of his husband and baby sleeping together, Asahi snuggled up right next to his mama. Asahi’s sleeping on his pillow and Chuuya – Dazai snorts in laughter – Chuuya’s sleeping on a baby pillow as well. It’s white with prints of sheep on it, and Dazai had burst out laughing the first time he saw it when they were both still teenagers in the Mafia. He had never seen Chuuya get so angry. After almost losing his life that day, Dazai vows to never make fun of that pillow again. Still, he thought that Chuuya would have grown out of it when he became an adult but nope, it was still there when they moved into their new house.

Dazai closes the door behind him lightly, but even that small sound wakes Chuuya up. The redhead cracks open an eye before he closes it again.

“Hey,” he greets as he rubs his eyes.

“If you’re tired, you should go back to sleep,” Dazai says as he sits next to the bed.

Chuuya shakes his head as he sits up. He slumps against Dazai and the detective puts an arm around him.

“Just let me lay here for a few more minutes. I don’t want my body clock to get fucked up.”

“Chuuyaaaa, Asahi’s in the room,” Dazai complains. Their children are so going to pick up Chuuya’s language.

“He’s asleep,” Chuuya murmurs.

A giggle contradicts his statement, and Chuuya lifts his head off Dazai’s shoulder with a smile.

“Morning, little one,” he says.

“Afternoon,” Dazai corrects and he knows that Chuuya would have shrieked if Asahi weren’t in the room.

“Damn,” is all he says instead.

“Well, tomorrow’s Sunday so you can fix your clock then. I doubt one day of sleeping in would do much harm. Besides, you could use more sleep.”

“Mm. How was work?”

“Just some minor stuff. Seriously, they shouldn’t call a part-timer in on the weekends.”

“You’re terrible.”

Dazai laughs. “Let’s take the kids out to dinner tonight.”

Dazai comes home with Haru and Himari to find Chuuya's documents and Asahi floating in the air.

Dazai steps into the house, and his eyes widen when he sees many things floating in the air, among them his baby son. Haru steps in after him and pauses at the scene while Himari laughs. She runs over to Chuuya and wraps her arms around his legs.

“Mama, we're home!”

“Mari-chan, you're back! Welcome home.”

“Mama, we're home!”

“Haru-chan, welcome home.”

Haru races over to hug Chuuya as well.

Himari stares up at all the things floating in the air ans asks, “Mama, you can control all those at the same time?”

Chuuya smiles and nods, flipping his hair over his shoulder. “Yes, your mama is really awesome.”

“Do you think I'll be able to do that too?”

“Of course, you have my genes.” Chuuya eyes her sternly. “But you need to train too.”

“Chuuya~”

Dazai reaches over to hug his husband but Chuuya jumps out of range and glares at him. Dazai pouts.

“What? I don't get a hug because I'm taller than you, hat rack?”

Their children snigger (even Asahi giggles), and Chuuya's glare turns darker.

“If you don't want Asahi to fall like Haru did when he was a baby, don't touch me.”

“Chuuya!” Dazai protests at the same time Haru gasps and turns to Dazai.

“Papa!”

Dazai laughs and pats his son's head, saying sweetly, “it's not what you think,” before he turns back to Chuuya. “I told you not to use your Ability on our kids!”

“Why not?” Chuuya retorts, folding his arms. “It's way easier when I have to read my documents while looking after them.”

“Mama's right,” Himari pipes up while Haru nods in understanding.

Dazai stares at his children. There's no way they're just taking Chuuya's side.

“But what if you guys fall?”

“Well, if you don't touch mama, everything will be fine,” Haru says as he glares at his father.

“I caught you,” Dazai says. “I have really quick reflexes.”

To prove his point, Dazai touches Chuuya's arms. The redhead shrieks as his Ability is nullified, and almost everything crashes to the ground. Dazai catches Asahi with ease and cradles the laughing baby to his chest with a grin.

“Wow,” Haru says before he starts clapping. “Okay, I believe you.”

“Wow, papa, you're fast.”

Chuuya smiles sweetly at Dazai. “Yes, Dazai, you're so fast.”

The redhead approaches him, and Dazai holds Asahi in front of him like a shield. Chuuya wouldn't attack him if he has Asahi in his hands. Still, he quickly loses his trump card when Chuuya snatches Asahi from his arms. Chuuya's smile turns gentle as he looks at the baby before placing him on the couch with his older siblings.

“Watch him,” Chuuya instructs before he looks at Dazai.

Dazai doesn't get to run far before Chuuya catches up to him and starts to strangle him.

“I told you not to touch me!”

“Domestic violence! This is domestic violence!”