#50 rules

1. Always stand up while shaking hands with someone.

2. Never make the first offer in a negotiation. 3. Keep their secret if they have faith in you. 4. Return an automobile they lend you with the tank full.

5. Act passionately or don't act at all.

6. Shake hands firmly and stare the other person in the eye.

7. Take a solo trip and experience it.

8. There are clear reasons why you should never refuse a peppermint tablet.

9. If aging is your goal, heed advice.

10. Join the new individual at the office or school for dinner.

11. If you are furious and you are texting someone, complete, read, delete, and rewrite the message.

12. You avoid discussing business, politics, or religion at the table.

13. Set goals and work toward them in writing.

14. Present your case while showing people respect and tolerance.

15. Make a visit and phone your family.

16. Never look back and always learn from your experiences

17. Your personality ought to be one of loyalty and honor.

18. Never give money to someone you know won't be able to repay you.

19. Have faith in something.

20. Make your bed as soon as you wake up. 21. Take a shower and sing.

22. Maintain a garden or a plant.

23. Look up at the sky whenever you get the chance.

24. Recognize and utilize your strengths.

25. Embrace your work or quit it.

26. When you need assistance, ask for it.

27. Instruct someone in a value—ideally a modest one.

28. Express gratitude to the person who is reaching out to you.

29. Show your neighbors kindness.

30. If you brighten someone else's day, it will brighten yours as well.

31. Put yourself to the test.

32 Give yourself a treat at least yearly

33. Look after your well-being.

34. Always give a cheerful greeting.

35. Speak slowly, but think quickly.

36. Avoid speaking while full of mouth.

37. Always maintain a neat appearance, trim your nails, and shine your shoes.

38. Avoid voicing an opinion on topics you are unfamiliar with.

39. Don't treat others badly.

40. Approach each day as though it were your last.

41. Don't ever pass up the chance to keep silent.

42. Give someone credit for their work.

43. Have humility, even if it's not always present.

44. Always remember your origins.

45. Take trips whenever you can.

46. Resign from the step.

47 Take a rainy dance.

48. Keep going after your success.

49. Treat others fairly and defend those in need.

It seems as though my Dad was an owner of the rule book because I was able to identify him, and my Mom, in almost every line. 

After noticing a lot of wimperaderie going on in this country, I took a look inside myself to find the answers needed to help these guys dust their balls off and finally start using them again. In a society that glorifies having hairless chests, penis-suffocating jeans, drinking 'hard lemonade', perfectly trimmed eyebrows, and odorless farts. Here is a battle cry to all men who wish to be badass but need some tips. Read em, learn em, live em.

 1) Don't take shit from anybody, not even your mom.

2) Don't bleed... ever.

3) Never ask for stuff, take it by force instead.

4) Guy cuts you off in traffic, cut his fucking heart out.

5) You simply walk into Mordor.

6) Your tear ducts are sealed shut with courage.

7) Chef overcooked your steak, burn him at the stake.

8) Asshole is hitting on your girl? Shiv him with your fist.

9) You don't use protection, any woman privileged enough to be nailed by you should take responsibility and raise your kids.

10) Boil your food…. in the tears of your enemies.

11) Beat cancer… to a pulp.

12) Enter the dragon, then rip him apart from the inside.

13) Don't pay your dues, make everybody else pay theirs

14) Always sleep in the master bedroom, if there is no master bedroom, always sleep on the biggest bed.

15) Never vote for anyone other than yourself.

16) She says she just wants to be friends…. friendly fire.

17) Always represent yourself in court, badass school always beats law school.

18) Charge strippers for letting them give you a lap dance.

19) Argue with women, and win.

20) Never lose at drinking game, if you think you're about to be beat, break a chair over your opponent's head and claim yourself the victor.

21) Never dodge bullets, take em like a man.

22) You hunt everything you eat, and you hunt it with your bare hands.

23) Coach benches you, you wheelchair him.

24) Never ask for directions.

25) The check bounced, their heads roll.

26) Fuck guns, your body is a weapon.

27) You are the “Danger Zone”

28) Don’t knock on Heaven’s door, kick it down.

29) You run up escalators, going the opposite way.

30) He called you a pussy, turn his genitalia into one.

31) 3 vs 1? Sucks to be them.

32) What floats your boat is the blood of your enemies.

33) You dip your cookies… in VINEGAR!

34) Fear is your prenuptial agreement.

35) God rested on the 7th day, you kept going.

36) Take the bull by the horns, then skin it alive.

37) Break your arm… now it’s a fair fight.

38) Go fishing, in the lake of fire.

39) You eat your eggs harder boiled.

40) Plead guilty, of being awesome. 

41) You practice santeria.

42) Accept all challengers, then crush every last one of them.

43) Walk on hot coals, for fun.

44) She's giving you lip, shut em with your tip.

45) Beat Dark Souls, without dying.

46) He knocked your tooth out? Knock his wife up.

47) Teach Ben Affleck how to act... watch him win an Oscar that year.

48) Puss is boots... is how women show up at your door.

49) Your stress ball is heart of you nemesis. 

The 50 Rules of Time Travel

#1-Time can be Altered

#2-Only the Protagonist may time travel.

#3-In the event that the antagonist can time travel, the protagonist's allies may also time travel.

#4-The protagonist must use a special mean of travel, often a humanshape device.

#5-All time travelers are named John. NO EXCEPTIONS.

#6-Most time travel plots involve dinosaurs or fairies.

#7-NOTHING MAKES SENSE.

#8-Should two people meet each other in the past, the one from the earlier time will immediately faint.

#9-If the Protagonist is seen with a female during the past, he/she is automatically labled a child abductor.

#10-The future is either post-apocalyptic, or a nuclear fallout.

#11-Should someone share a story of the future in the past, they will immediately be labled a class-C maniac, put in an institution, and forgiven when said future becomes reality.

#12-Several plots will be induced by the death of a loved one, or a mental/physical dissatisfaction.

#13-The antagonist will usually attempt to hold a hostage (Protagonist's sister/girlfriend) in the past.

#14-Due to time alterations, the antagonist is always a successful dictator in the future.

#15-Should an antagonist's past self be met in the fuyure, they will oftin be studying their present motives and methods. However, this may backfire if the two meet eyes, as principle of Rule 8.

#16-Should an antagonist's future self meet themself in the past, they will somehow explain their sucess and foils to themselves.

#17-If someone travels too far in time, they will witness the birth and rebirth of the universe.

#18-Should one cross into a reborn world, everything will remain the same, but the world will surface 3 feet lower than the previous time plane.

#19-Due to time travel, names are irrelevant in the future.

#20-To avoid questioning, the protagonist will refer to himself as John Smith in the past.

#21-Using a time travel device as in rule 4, it is possible to freeze time as well as alter the position of a chronological object or event.

#22-The antagonist will 90% of the time have silver or white hair.

#23-If an object in the past, such as a flower, is relocated, it will cease to exist in the future.

#24-Should someone arrive in the future, they may effectively destroy that time if they alter any of its tecnology.

#25-Freezing oneself is an ineffective, but stable method of time travel.

#26-To execute rule 25, one must be thawed from said frozen object on a set date in time.

#27-To further insure rule 26, one often freezes themself in a remote location.

#28-Rule 27 is made positive by a word-of-mouth or written request to a trusted friend to thaw the time traveler at the desired time.

#29-Because time itself is progressing as normal, the scenario in rules 25-28 will not harm the structure of time.

#30-If an ability is present in the past or future that was not present during the traveler's birth, that ability will not be applied to the traveler.

#31-Because of rule 30, a traveler in the future is more succeptable to having their identity as a traveler revealed.

#32-If one enters a time plane with an object that does not exist in that time, the possession of said object will be questioned.

#33-If a fture seems to be a utopia, the time traveler will inevitably alter this fact.

#34-If an object is used in the past and demonstrated, its functions may become defective in the future.

#35-By using a concept in the past that has yet to be thought of, the time traveler becomes the original creator of that concept.

#36-The objects in rules 34-35 may also be more or less efficent, depending on if the ideas are built on throughout time.

#37-Often, if someone enters a time paradox, the events will only change if an epiphany is met.

#38-If an object that controls time is altered, time will be altered accordingly.

#39-Time travel will generally not have any negative effects on the human body.

#40-On rare occasions, time travel may alter someone's personality.

#41-Through time travel, ones memories and body become frozen in time until the traveler returns.

#42-It is possible to forcibly return to one's original time if the time traveler becomes unable to time travel.

#43-If one becomes trapped in the past, they may need to use the methods in rules 25-28 to return to the present.

#44-Similar to rule 43, if one becmes unable to regress time until rule 17 takes effect.

#45-Time is impossible to replicate.

#46-It is possible to transport an object from the present to the past.

#47-Rule 46 is only possible when a time traveler holds said object.

#48-Certain objects, such as fruit and vegetables, may transport on their own without the need for a human traveler.

#49-Occasionally, a transported object will replace what is in its current location at the time it was transported to rather than appearing in the machine.