#4nk

transcript:

katie: it’s not your burden to bear! this is not all on you. he needs to take responsibility too.

4c: he gave up everything to save me.

katie: …(softly) didn’t you also give up everything to come here?

4c: …(quietly) yeah.

katie: you have a family, no?

4c: (silence) (even more quietly) yeah.

4c: but it’s…he gave up so much for me. and if i…if he thinks that i’m the reason- ‘cause he is so- he is so stuck on the belief that someone directly betrayed him and told everyone about everything. and whether it’s an accident or not, i haven’t told him yet. and whether i do tell him or not, if he finds out, then the thing that he’s upset about, the whole secret that we were keeping that is now out…if he sees that as i betrayed him, then that whole secret, that everything that he did, to him was for nothing.

katie: 4c, you need to stop putting him before you. you also have sacrificed a lot, you’ve sacrificed so much for him already.

4c: if he finds out about this, then it’ll be like everything that he’s done…it’ll break him.

katie: …it was going to happen either way. the way in which he was going about this, the difference in stories that he was telling? it was going to backfire on him eventually.

(cut)

4c: …i’m just worried that i’ll lose him.

katie: i know. i understand.

4c: i think it might be already too late.

katie: (crosstalk) it is- no, no no, no no no, don’t say that. it’s never too late.

4c: …that’s the thing-

katie: he sees you as a brother-

4c: i’m only in the blue kingdom because of him. what happens-

katie: but you like the blue kingdom.

4c: …the blue kingdom has always been a weird spot for me. …they- they wanted to kill me, you know. as much as i’ve been fitting in over so long, nom’s been the only reason that i’m here. and can i even call that a home anymore if he keeps- i-if this comes out and he doesn’t care about me anymore, what do i even do?

katie: your worth doesn’t depend on how nom sees you. at all. you should get to be your own person, do things for you, and that shouldn’t entirely depend on whether nom reacts strongly to something that you accidentally did. this isn’t on you.

4c: but it is.

(silence)

(cut)

katie: well-

4c: i’m the reason he broke his oath.

katie: that was a deci- no, no no no, that was a decision that he made to do, that’s not on you.

4c: (crosstalk) i’m the reason- i’m the reason he broke his oath.

4c: i’m the reason he fought against the other kingdom- or, against his own kingdom to defend me every single day. and i am the reason his secret got out. i’m literally the whole epitome of this mess that he’s in.

katie: stop. that’s not true. you cannot take the blame for all of this. yes, sure. you may have said a different story to me. but you didn’t know that nom was telling me something different. nom also has responsibility in this, he is not entirely exempt from this whole situation, he is not an angel, he is not- he’s made mistakes. it’s not entirely on you. and the fact that you are so terrified to tell him that you made a mistake, that you slipped up? it’s awful.

4c: (crosstalk) i’m not scared that he’s gonna hurt me. i’m scared that he's gonna hurt himself.

(cut)

4c: i'm just afraid. what happens? what happens if nom doesn't want to protect me anymore? i do my best to keep him level, to keep him…okay. for the past year, i've been kind of just like- i know i pickpocket from him, i know i- i tease him, but i do everything to make sure that he has a level head, but this is the first time i don't know where i can come him in to help him! he's so broken of losing katie. and if he… even though he hasn't lost me, if he feels like he lost me too, he'll only be... he might just return back to being the knight with his oath. that same knight, from before.

transcript:

nom: and what i can't help but keep thinking, is if i didn't do what i did to save you, maybe those fifteen knights would have changed how that battle ended.

(4c looks away)

nom: i regret nothing about that day. let me be clear about that. i regret nothing about that day. what happened, happened. but that last war was bad. and we lost a lot of people, they lost a lot of people, maybe that makes the difference-

4c: well, what makes you think that-

nom: maybe i'm the reason that this war is still going. maybe i'm the re- maybe i took enough away from blue kingdom-

4c: (sighs in frustration) you can't-

nom: -that we weren't able to just wipe them off. katie was a knight-in-training! she was a knight-in-training, she wasn't… she would've been safe-

4c: you can't put that-

nom: they would've been [kept] and she could've been brought back to blue kingdom and it all could've been fine! it could've been fine.

4c: you can't put that pressure on yourself, because as much as you believe that, look at how much they've rebuilt the red kingdom in the span of a week. i feel like if you were to- if we were to have won that fight and decimated them, katie might not even have been alive.

nom: she would've been alive.

4c: …how do you know?

nom: because i wouldn't have let anyone hurt her.

nom: what, like- i mean, i was there in that fight, do you think i wasn't- every… every red knight, or every mage or rogue that i cut down, i wasn't looking over their shoulders to try to find her on that battlefield? i mean, she- the- she would've been fine, i could've brought her back to blue kingdom, i could've…(sighs)

4c: do you really think she would've followed you back to blue kingdom? she would've just found something else. and maybe further away than this. maybe the having the red kingdom there is what's keeping you guys still able to communicate in the first place. and if you take that away, will she even still stay?

nom: i'd like to- think she would. i would've stayed for her.

(silence)

4c: i don't know what she would do.

nom: i never know what she would do. (laughs) but i don't think that's ever gonna change, i don't think i'm ever going to know what she's thinking.

4c: i mean you could ask, but i fear that's- we're talking hypotheticals here. (laughing) if the kingdoms were to be gone, i fear if you were to walk up to katie and say, "oh, if the red kingdom were to be decimated, would you come back to blue?" i don't think she would- she would answer that question.

nom: (quietly) i could do it.

4c: (exhales) i wouldn't ask that question.

nom: …yeah.

4c: that sounds like a threat more than uh, a question.