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you gotta stop using "ego death" to mean "deciding to stop being egotistical and to instead be more humble." that is not what it means. that means ceasing to experience normal individual consciousness due to a mystical experience and/or very intense psychedelic drugs
literally said out loud to myself 'i need to do something to calm down and regulate my nervous system' and then opened tumblr.com. like a guy in a horror movie going to check out the scary sound in the basement.
“And to the degree that the individual maintains a show before others that he himself does not believe, he can come to experience a special kind of alienation from self and a special kind of wariness of others.”
— Erving Goffman, The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life
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i need you to understand bdubs & etho's need to kill each other is a constant. this is only a few episodes after this.
captions:
Bdubs: […] No skull.
Etho: Heart and a half.
Bdubs: Oh that ain't nothin'. [pause] [laughs] I could do worse.
Bdubs: [inhales] I'm gonna let you know- just ahead of time. This, this is the uh, this is the moment where I'm going to.. fulfill my promise to my subscribers and kill you.
Bdubs: Right now.
Bdubs: No just kidding!
Etho: [laughs]
Bdubs: I would've thought- you slow to the gun. I thought you would've reacted quicker.
Bdubs: Hey-
Etho: I've been thinking about like, the way you're gonna kill me, ya know.
Bdubs: [laughs]
Etho: I was gonna set up a situation like uh, that UHC 11.
Bdubs: On me?
Etho: Where we fought in the swamp I'm gonna give you like a second chance.
Bdubs: For real?
Etho: [laughs] See if you can do it.
Bdubs: I can do it!
Etho: And we'll fight in the swamp somewhere-
Bdubs: Yeah!
Etho: You get first strike.
Bdubs: Okay. Wow! Pretty confident boy.
Bdubs: You- [laughs, is cut off]
Etho: I wanna give you a chance to redeem yourself, cuz you- [cut off]
Bdubs: [laughs]
Bdubs: Oh I am looking forward to this.
Etho: [laughs]
Bdubs: What an opportunity.
as a regular donor to Gaza Soup Kitchen I get their email updates, and they said today that while they've continued to be able to expand, donations are slowing down as Gaza gets less coverage. If you have a few dollars to spare, I encourage you to send them here to continue the amazing work that Hani and his team are doing.
I firmly believe what ever you’re obsessed with at 11/12 years old becomes a core part of who you are, regardless if you lose interest in it or not. Maybe some of you were lucky and were obsessed with warrior cats or smth, and if you’re real unlucky it was probably twilight.
phallic ideal is an organ which is used to bring sexual pleasure in manageable amounts to the perpetrator + unmanageable amounts to the penetrated, topping as domming + bottoming as subbing being assumed natural states, even in dynamics outside of heterosexual patriarchy this is replicated -> except literally sex doesn't even work like that even a little. and famously the het orgasm gap exists. -> pleasure is humiliating but also desirable so you have to make the other guy feel more pleasure and be more humiliated so that you can be normal and chill with your pleasure -> the only real phallic instrument in the entire world is the strap
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cckatie: but if she was still in blue, and nom was the person who had left, that would be a shell shock thing because she wouldn't be ready for that at all. like if it happened in the same circumstances where katie kinda just left without really saying much, that would be--i don't know how she would've handled that because she hasn't been--she's not the--she's not the protector.
cckatie: i mean, in a sense, nom is--was katie's protector when they were growing up and very much her guardian. so for that to have left would be really, i don't know, i haven't really thought about it like that. but that would have--she would have really struggled if that was the case, and i think would have been significantly more angry.
cckatie: i don't know if nom would even be forgiven, to be honest. i think for nom, because he did take such a sheltering role for katie when they were younger, he was... i think he would have been more understanding than katie would be, if that makes sense.
-
nom: i... you leaving for red kingdom was the worst thing someone has ever done to me. i had no idea who or what i was after that. but i forgive you. i'll never get it. i--i'll never really understand it, but i forgive you. just never do that to me again, please?
{...}
nom: if i'm being fully honest with myself, i don't really forgive her? i feel like telling her that i do though, it'll let her be what she needs to be, and that matters way more than me, if i'm being completely honest.
nom: um. but yeah. she got what she wanted. she's a knight, and she worked for this. she deserves it. i'll never get it, but i'm happy for her. i'm happy she got what she wanted.
-
4c: he doesn't seem to understand you.
katie: he doesn't. but i think there's also things about him that i don't understand. i'd like to.
4c: true.
-
4c: do you really think she would've followed you back to blue kingdom? she would've just found something else. and maybe further away than this. maybe the having the red kingdom there is what's keeping you guys still able to communicate in the first place. and if you take that away, will she even still stay?
nom: i'd like to--think she would. i would've stayed for her.
-
4c: what would you do if the red kingdom wasn't here anymore?
katie: leave? there's not a world in which i'd go back to blue.
4c: that's what i thought. nom seems to have this idea that if the red kingdom was gone, you would come back.
katie: i've told him countless of times, that's not the truth. that will not happen.
4c: well, i thought that was pretty obvious.
katie: i--me too.
{4c laughs}
katie: i don't know how many more times you need to reiterate this one point to him over and over and over and over and over again, but, uh... {laughs} it's okay. i'll keep doing it if that means we'll keep speaking, then i don't mind reiterating it. i don't mind--i don't mind at all, in the slightest.
4c: it is tricky, um, you choosing to stay so close though and still caring, 'cause i don't think he understands that--
-
katie: little chud king did not take me very seriously.
nom: {laughing} little chud king.
katie: and quite enjoyed tormenting me and throwing me in jail again and again and again.
nom: if i'm being so honest, that, uh, that annoyed me a lot.
katie: {laughs} i had to jest for the king as well.
nom: yeah.
katie: that was also a thing that happened. it was quite humiliating, but...
nom: yeah, i mean! it sounds like it would be.
{katie laughs}
katie: {quietly} but i do forgive--but i do forgive him.
katie: wasn't too bad. if anything, i quite enjoyed it.
this is really what my thoughts look like for bannerfall at any given moment. they just say so much. i could probably do like a fucked version of those wikipedia races where i map out all of the shitty fucking things nom says and does in a connective sequence. i yet again show great restraint here in what i've included <3 i have the transcripts for all of the times that nom just doesn't get why katie wants to be away from him so badly, or why she wants independence, or why she wants to be her own person, but at that point i think i would be rehashing mmmm every single fucking conversation they've ever had maybe? and i'll probably use them for the other collection of nom saying they could've just talked it out as kids vs cckatie saying katie would be unrecognizable and be so much lesser of a person if she had stayed with nom. but it's ok. the dam will break soon. i'll just post the full transcripts one day and fuck off from bannerfall forever. hopefully.
rly sorry for putting a video of these two fucks playing farkle on ur dash but i do just have to lose my mind over this fucking sequence rly quickly ok. because this needs to stop. i hate ldrs. why am i having to witness their cnc in minecraft. this should be made fun of as much as ecouples who meow in valorant are made fun of.
first of all the whole "im giving you my luck" thing is already fucked. 4cs not doing that. he cant actually do anything to affect nom's luck here. but they're both blaming it on 4c because. grits teeth. they both want that. "i could take it away at one point" is absurd like ok why r we pretending u have any power here. what r u doing. are you like asking to be .yeah ok thats whats happening :/
second of all STOP !!!1 FUCKIG LAUGHING WHEN HE SAYS HE'LL KILL YOU. AND WHEN HE HITS YOU. JUST STOP. AND STOP PROVOKING FOR IT. just the most blatantly weak denial of wanting nom to blame and kill him for this farkle loss? over farkle. why is this happening over farkle. this is offensive.
thirdly the fact that they even have a routine of 4c getting near nom > nom faking a crit > 4c running away is bad enough but now they're just doing it casually in the background of the conversation they're having. which is. fine. i respect lifestyle kinks. i do. it's fine.
and finally that "you wouldn't dare"? just the fakest fucking thing ive ever heard? oh noooo you wouldnt dare chase me through the woods and hunt me down ! die. like he needs to die and everybody needs to die. so appallingly bad that i rly do just have to laugh. is that not just porn acting. sorry. but like is it not ?
wait i already said finally but note how he just waits for nom to hit him when the cpu wins :/
i mean. whatever. none of this is serious. transcript below:
4c: if you win, it's because of me.
nom: no.
{4c laughs}
nom: and if i lose, i kill you?
4c: no. absolutely not.
nom: if i lose, you're getting--if i lose, you're getting the fast track back to the blue kingdom.
4c: {laughs} wait, i don't have my--! ohhh... someone took my hearthstone.
nom: {laughs} brother.
4c: i don't know where it is anymore.
nom: this guy, man. this guy. 4c!
4c: i might've died somewhere and someone must've kept it, and i don't know who or where.
nom: oh my god. oh my god.
4c: i was not paying attention.
nom: 4c! st--get away from my table!
4c: oh, that's really rough. you know, i--i--i--
nom: get away from my table, man!
4c: i'm gonna give you all my luck for the rest of eternity, and you will have this for the rest of the time on this server.
nom: no. my luck is better than your luck. that's not gonna work.
4c: i could take it away at one point, but for now, you've been blessed with my luck.
nom: three two's... i don't want three two's. i don't want three two's.
4c: the luck of a--the luck of a corrupt soul.
nom: messed up. bruh, do you not think i'm cursed enough?
4c: {laughs} what do you mean? like, what--what caused your curse now this time?
nom: just in general, man.
4c: ooh! that's a good roll. see? you're doing great.
nom: yeah. i'm still--i'm still getting my ass beat.
4c: oh.
nom: oh, it got three four's. well.
4c: {yelling} nooo!
4c: no, no, no, no, no, no, no. i have so many things in my inventory. you wouldn't--you wouldn't dare.
actually you should say something nice about actor au nom [immediately banned from your blog]
i like that he doesnt host a podcast of his own. that's good. um. oh the interviews with 4c that are a ripoff of the new york times screen tests are good :( unfortunately. it sucks when they're cute. i do like it when he can make nervous. {the rest of this response is redacted}
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The first rule of fandom is have fun. The second rule of fandom is find an enabler and become an enabler. Yes you should write that fic. What if it was even hornier? What if it was angstier? What if you wrote it just for me?
jacobvanloon
dededos
izzy806
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