#4349

Have you really spent that long out here? I know that time is weird out in the Furthest Ring, but I didn't think Aradia's personal timeline was that out-of-sync with everyone else's.

Well, I suppose she wouldn't be the first Time Player to have her own personal hours. Maybe she's had an entire psychopomp training arc off-panel.

TEREZI: YOU 4R3 PR4CT1C4LLY B3S1D3 YOURS3LF W1TH G1DD1N3SS 4T TH3 1D34 OF S3RV1NG 4S TH3 M41TR3 D TO 4LL DR34M BUBBL3S TEREZI: YOU LOV3 B31NG TH3 C4R3T4K3R OF W4YW4RD SOULS 4ND DR34M3RS! TEREZI: LUCK1LY YOU M4K3 4N 4DOR4BL3 H4NDM41D TO TH3 M4ST3R OF D34TH, 3SP3C14LLY 1N YOUR CUT3 CH3RRY P1X13 3NS3MBL3

No she fucking wouldn't. We are not encouraging another Handmaid Incident.

TEREZI: OH, 4ND GUYS, JUST FOR TH3 S4K3 OF MULT1CULTUR4L CL4R1TY, W3 TROLLS TR34T D34TH 1TS3LF 4S 4 MYTHOLOG1C4L F1GUR3 TEREZI: H3 1S 4 M4N W1TH 4 FR1GHT3N1NG SKULL FOR 4 H34D 4ND 4 T3RR1BL3 HYPNOT1C GL4R3

English was, literally, the death of Alternia. It only makes sense that he'd bleed into their mythology as the Grim Reaper.

TEREZI: 4LL TH3 L3G3NDS S4Y H3S GOT TH1S SUP3R FOXY H4NDM41D TO DO H1S D1RTYWORK

Sorry, Aradia, but Terezi appears to have the hots for your mom.

Honestly, I'd expect nothing less. Trolls are still people, after all, and the Handmaid is probably one of the tamer hear-me-outs on Alternia!

DAVE: yo terezi weve got a grim reaper too DAVE: shit isnt that novel DAVE: i mean i think even a civilization full of the laziest sons of bitches are gonna make up a myth figure for death DAVE: like oooh watch OUT death is coming for you hes got like DAVE: a SKULL and shit DAVE: i basically have no fucking imagination that sounds badass to me

This is one of the funniest Dave Rambles we've ever had, and I'm not even sure why. Possibly because this is the first time Dave has met most of these people, and this is how he's choosing to introduce himself.

KARKAT: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

Alert! Incoming WALL OF GREY on page 4350!

No, don't!

Now, don't get it twisted - I can appreciate Aradia's passion for all things necromantic. But those corpses can be prototyped, and if Nanna can be brought back after thirteen years, our deceased trolls will definitely still be Kernelsprite-ready after a measly three, decay or no decay.

So - we have seven corpses, and four kernels. That's assuming, of course, that the Alpha Kids don't have anyone to resurrect themselves.

As much as I want Vriska to come back, I couldn't seriously argue in favor of using our limited resurrection slots on the murderers of the group. Let's assume, then, that our actual options are Nepeta, Equius, Feferi, Tavros and Sollux.

These five trolls are innocent, and should be given equal priority - but there are only four slots available, and that's a cold hard fact. If I had to exclude one troll, I'd probably nominate Sollux, a Doom Player who seems particularly at home here in the afterlife.

To be honest, what we should actually do is ask Aradia to locate each of the trolls' ghosts out in the Furthest Ring, and see which of them want to be turned into Sprites. We've dragged ghosts back against their will before, and it didn't go well.

ARADIA: rose! ARADIA: can you please explain to my friends what a human funeral is like? ROSE: Of course. ROSE: I would describe it as an occasion marked by a great deal of jubilation at the expense of one or more well dressed cadavers. DAVE: hahaha oh god ARADIA: i couldnt have put it better myself ARADIA: could you go into more detail?

I genuinely can't tell if Aradia is deliberately playing along with Rose's bit here. On reflection, I don't think she is - she seems too sincere for that.

ROSE: Well, in my experience, a loved one, typically an elder, arranges to have the departed placed in a small box, and then forces you to stand in the rain all day. ROSE: Then, presumably winded by all the deeply ironic catharsis, she gets drunk and passes out on the couch. DAVE: oh my god we are never going to stop fucking with each other are we

Needless to say, this is amazing. The potential of all these new dynamics really is limitless.

SOLLUX: will y0u co0l it on the c0rpse party shit for a minute? ARADIA: whats the matter? SOLLUX: i mean, everyb0dy here has just met, and i guess just went through a l0t of really heavy bullshit, d0 you think that maybe this isn't the best thing t0 harp on right n0w?

SOLLUX: not everyb0dy is as into death as y0u though. like, it's c0ol t0 see you s0 excited about s0mething, i'm seriously thrilled ab0ut that.

Sunny, 30.0 C Measured the length and poured water. Probably 1.1 cm long.