It's less than a few hours away now. Counting down the minutes, seconds, and breaths till the day that you left. I remember that day so well it's almost as if it stole all the other memories and made this one as clear as my tears. Oh gosh the tears. All I did that night was cry and cry until I was left with nothing at all but an empty stomach and dry mouth. Then I hydrated myself and just cried it all out again. I went to school the next day thinking everything would be back to normal, thinking I could get through this till Friday. It's was even an early release Wednesday and I couldn't. No, no I couldn't. I stayed in my English teacher's room all day. All day just isolated, crying with a little desk lamp and a soggy tear-soaked pillow. I used to hate that teacher, but that day she was my hero. She reminded me so much of you I couldn't hate her. She was sarcastic and ornery just like you. Never letting us call you Grandma and just being you. You always told these stories from when Dad was my age and you'd always tell me how not to act. Oh gosh that look on your face when we did something on the "don't list." I remember you giving Dad that look the day before you stopped. Stopped talking. Stopped replying. Stopped almost everything until we all left. I know you only left once we did, but I wish you never did. I know you found peace. You had to of. I just hope I can too...soon, please let it be soon. I remember how you used to call us all your angels and collect them like we did your hugs, but now you're our angel and we collected those angels on our desks. Just thinking about that night again gets me crying harder than ever. That call around 8pm, the drive up there to say our final goodbyes, tissues all over the hospital like a trail connecting us. You're so distant now it hurts.
βit's almost been a year and I don't know how I can go to school tomorrow when the lady who reminds me of you isn't there to help...
