Aug 4, 2019
There’s a girl from the party I’m serving crying in the bathroom too lol.
#mood
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There’s a girl from the party I’m serving crying in the bathroom too lol.
#mood
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What’s wrong boo? What’s with the :(
I just posted about it but, I’m just not believing in myself very much.
It’s silly, and everyone else thinks I can do it. But I just am scared what if I can’t.
But I shouldn’t think those things.
But my longing for japan is so strong so so so strong. No one understands or ever could understand how strong of a pull it has on me.
How am I just supposed to carry on? The harder I work the more likely I’ll be back but I feel so downtrodden. Idk. It’s stupid, but it’s been a problem lately.
I’m sure it’ll blow over..
I’m at work like kinda having an anxiety attack or something idk I feel so wrong in my body and I just want to go home and I’m on the verge of crying.
I see my friends going out and living their dreams and everyone believes in me to be successful in mine but what if I don’t? What if I disappoint them? I’m so scared...
Logically I know it’ll be okay. But gosh I’m having a hard time. Maybe I need to delete social media for awhile. Except for tumblr I guess. Idk...
However they’re playing Let it Rock in the bathroom and that’s hard to cry to so I guess I’ll just hold it in.
I just wanna go home.
You may notice my new header and new icon.
The icon I just doodled in class one day while I was bored.
But the header is 34Co.’s handwriting and that’s how much I still am not over it. Hahaha....
When will it be over? When can I rest? Why is it I remember in 5th grade thinking- I really have to go through 11 or more years of this? I remember crying. Why do I have to do so many useless activities? What is the point of most of this just “busy work”. I just want to rest!!
That was 5th grade me.
And here I am 11 years later and oh, 5th grade me... I still want to rest. I just want to rest. I want no worries, and I just want to breathe. I just want to take like a month off of life.
A girl I studied abroad with is going back to japan. She has a job. She graduated, has a job and is going to live there.
Where will I be? Where will I be?
Will I ever get to rest?
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I also ate so much garbage today that I feel sick.
Also I'm getting a cold, but wait! I just got over a cold like a week ago! But waiiiiit! It's probably the same cold and caused by working yourself too hard.
FRICK.
I'd say I'm hormonal and that explains it but I've been bad for awhile.
The hormones just make it so it's outward instead of inward.
It's weird how I'm fine and happy if I'm with my boyfriend but the second I'm out of his presence the world seems to end.
And I mean that's unhealthy but it sounds like a dumb horribly written young adult romance novel and I'm not about that life.
I want to be happy on my own, I want my inner dialogue to be good, I want to have healthy eating habits without being regulated by another person, I don't know why I'm so awful to myself when I'm not in his presence?
: (
He really does feel like a part of me. It's almost scary. Like he is a part of me and it gets ripped out when I'm not in his presence. Why is that? Idk....