#30doc

Day 2 - 14th May, 2023

Today I learned about data types in NumPy, and also the different ways of type casting. It was a short study session, because I went out for lunch :P and also had a terrible flare afterwards.

The output of the code above is [ 1 2 3 ] as it converts the floating values into integer values.

And finally: Write a letter to your character, from yourself.

Dearest Cillian, 

I am writing this in the hope that this letter finds you well and that you, above all else, are finally happy. You deserve all of the happiness and so much more. So much more than I can give you and I can’t possibly apologize enough for that. 

I hope you remember that the way others see you has little to no bearing on the wonderful person that you actually are. I hope you remember that their rejection has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you. They have their own struggles, their own pain and if they take it out on you that’s their own weakness showing; and yes, your father will know it before the end. But that’s not to say that you’re required to forgive him or anyone else. More than that, I need you to know that sometimes living your truth means refusing that forgiveness, even when it’s asked for, because some wounds run too deep. If that refusal to forgive is your decision it’s okay. It’s fine. It’s more than okay and fine. It’s exactly what you need to do to find your peace. Accept that it’s so hard you can hardly breathe and that it hurts like hell and know that it’s the first step in putting yourself first. I hope beyond hope that you’ve already taken that first, horrible, painful step. 

If you haven’t, that’s okay. Save this for another time. Fold it up and keep it in your wallet and look at it in a year and see if this makes sense. Don’t push yourself, darling. Take this at your own speed. 

Now. 

Are you ready? 

Please know that, as painful as it might be sometimes to feel so intensely, the world desperately needs more people like you. Look to your empathy, your compassion, your earnestness and see them as gifts rather than burdens. Stop seeing them as yet another reason you are less than - not enough. Too few people can feel everything so intensely without destroying themselves. You are everything. 

Please remember, darling, that you do not have to give all of yourself away. Anyone who would ask you to sacrifice your health, happiness or life for them isn’t a person worthy of you. Keep time for yourself, keep parts of yourself secret and safe until the right person comes along. You owe the world nothing; you’re not obligated to bleed yourself dry just because the world handed you a knife, showed you a vein and whispered cut. 

Remember that you are worthy of love. You deserve to have someone who looks at you with the same sense of awe and wonder as they might have watching a new universe expand, explode and unfold again. Someone who sees in you all of the constellations and their stories, their journeys through the skies for centuries, because you are infinite. You are Perseus. You are Andromeda. You are the Pleiades. You are Odysseus. You are Orion. You are everything. You deserve someone who trips over their words when they talk about you because the reality is simply too big and wonderful and overwhelming. You deserve someone who stays quiet, who can’t talk about you at all because they can’t stop smiling because they adore you so much and words are just... not enough. Because nothing will ever be enough to show how much they adore you. 

Remember to follow your own dreams. Never let them be pushed aside for someone else’s, no matter how much easier it is to acquiesce and let them have their way. Fight for the things you want. It’s okay, I promise. You’re allowed to put yourself first. God knows no one else will so please. Please. Value yourself. Think of yourself as the protagonist in your own life, not a secondary character. Darling, you have so much potential; there are universes upon parallel universes within you and each one is beautiful. Don’t let that slip away from you while you put everyone else first and subsist on the scraps. 

You are so strong, darling and I never stop marveling at it. You’ve grown so much and I’m so very proud of you. But despite all of that it’s time to let go of everything that’s hurt you. I know you use it as a cloak, a wall, a way to keep people out or from getting too close to the wounds you’re still licking. But it’s time to stop. It’s time for you to find a way to move on - past your family, past Marcus, past the fear and self-doubt that hobbles you - to live for yourself, to become the person you know you can be. It’s time to live for yourself, to revel in infinite possibilities and to be present in every wonderful, heart-breaking moment. It’s going to hurt. You know that. It’s going to rip you to shreds, reveal every ragged edge of you to the world. It will expose you. And you? You are ready. 

It’s time. And I know how terrifying this is but you’re ready, I promise. Because I adore you and you are strong. You are perfect and wonderful and if you are afraid it’s because you are universes upon universes worth being terrified of. You are a force to reckoned with and god help you, forces will reckon with you. But you are worthy of them all. 

Sweetheart, you’re ready. Let go.

With all of the affection and love I can muster (and that, I promise you darling, is everything I have - I would tear myself open, bleed myself dry and all for you),