#30daysofveiling

I know, I know. I dropped the ball and stopped sharing photos of my 30 day veiling challenge about halfway through.

I *did* finish it though. I missed a total of 3 days during the month of November. 1 because kids are assholes and I just didn't have the energy, 1 because we were traveling, and 1 because I just plum didn't feel like dealing with it.

I even veiled both days that I saw family over the Thanksgiving holiday. I was nervous about it, because my family likes to ask questions and I tend to clam up if I don't have a 'go-go's answer memorized. But it was great.

For the most part, no one paid any mind to my scarves. My mom asked a few awkward questions and seemed a bit put out that I didn't launch into a full explanation of why I was wearing headscarves, but nothing that I couldn't answer. (She asked: 1 - do you still have long hair under there, or did you cut it all off in a fit? 2 - is it called a snood? 3 - are you wearing your hair up like that because the baby is grabbing/pulling it?)

I'd decided towards the end of November that I really wanted to veil more often after the challenge, not just every now and then like I'd been doing previously. It just feels right. Not necessarily an all day, every day thing, but definitely more of a routine thing.

We're now most of the way through December (happy Solstice to those who celebrate it!) and I've barely veiled at all this month.

And I miss it.

Without the challenge, it's hard to make myself set aside the time to do anything more than a simple bandana tie, and to be honest I don't love that look.

My kids are both crazy and going through growth spurts and teething and whatever other hell babies and toddlers go through. They have all of my attention. It's all I can do to get a decent shower once a week - how can I take time away from them for something as vain as "doing my hair?" (I recognize that taking a few minutes for myself would be a good thing and would not result in harm to my kids, but this is where my mind goes)

My husband doesn't understand my desire to veil, but he supports it because it's important to me, so I'm thankful for that.

All of this to say - when veiling, I feel more like myself than I have in a long time. I miss it when I'm not doing it, and I plan to make it more of a regular thing in my day to day life.

I'm glad I did the 30 day challenge, even if I fell short on the photos here.

Thinning of the veil For years I've collected scarves; my collection is probably close to 200. I never wear them, yet always felt drawn when I would see certain ones calling out at goodwill. Recently, I've felt a calling to veiling and it became clear why I've been hoarding so many scarves. So I'm trying a thing. I've been having to get up at 530am to get ready and catch a ride to work. I am not a morning creature but I'm handling it surprisingly well. I figured it's a perfect time for a self discovery challenge. I've been looking up different styles and I'm really excited. Yet, self conscious about it as well. My hair is past my butt now. It's been a very important comfort zone and security blanket of sorts. However, recently within the last month I've had severe hair loss. Because my hair has always been so long and thick it's hard to tell. Yet, I've lost about half my volume. I can really tell a difference when I braid or bun. I'm hoping this helps that part as well. Sadly, I've also been thinking about possible conflicts. Because of social stigmas I'm already preparing for negative attention. African and Middle Eastern cultures receive degradation for embracing and honoring their heritage and spiritual endeavors. I get compliments on my long hair all the time. This veiling challenge is bound to bring a variety of that experience. I'm also looking to gain insight as to why it calls to me, how it changes me, and how I will carry it forward beyond the 30 days. It's quite appropriate that I take this step November 1st as we passed through that veil with Samhain. My Lord Pan and Goddess Eris love the wild, free, unbound maenad hair. But there's something soft, comforting, and homing about veiling. Dedication, training, and precision are other terms that come to mind. Plus, I giggle at the thought that when a girl pulls her hair back you know that's when shit is about to get real! I purchased some hair clips and a cap to help things stay in place and to help contain my long hair. I'm not sure if because of my headset from working at a call center or just my head but I had a hard time keeping it in place. I've also been looking up different styles and I'm excited about the opportunities! I'm starting off with basics to get comfortable then slowly level up. When I got home from work I changed into comfy clothes but kept my scarf on while cleaning and cooking. I felt comfortable, cute, and content. I wore my new hair cap while working out. It felt better containing my hair in a cap instead of a tight bun. Which I'm hoping will help reduce the hair loss. I also got my scarves hung up in the closet. I need to get the rest of my things from my parents and see what others I have. I love that I have such a large variety. Evening meditation with spirit was incredible. The warm feeling of being all wrapped up and sinking into that soft comfortable energy. Some much needed words of reassurance and guidance. The rest of the story I'll save for another day.

I didn’t veil yesterday. My toddler isn’t feeling well and had a doctor’s appointment in the morning. We were running late, so I didn’t bother trying to throw anything on before we left. We were at the clinic for almost 3 hours between her appointment, waiting for her shots, and then waiting at the pharmacy for her medicine. And then I had to drag an over-tired toddler and cranky baby grocery shopping before we could go home for lunch and naps. We had a rough afternoon and evening, and by the time I had the time to think about scarves, I didn’t have the energy to care. 

And that’s ok. Life isn’t perfect. Skipping one day doesn’t mean I failed the challenge. If anything, it made me more determined to finish it. I find myself wondering if I would have managed things better if I’d been veiled. I felt so naked without it, and my energy was noticeably out of sorts compared to the last couple of weeks.

Happy November, y'all!