#2ndnobletruth

Apr 9, 2015

So last week I returned to EBMC’s People of Color Sangha after nearly a month away. I am so grateful for the existence of this haven! It felt like I’d been away much longer and I struggled during the 30 minute sit. Jessie J’s Sweet Talker was on a loop in my head and I couldn’t get my foot to stop falling asleep. Basically, my brain was up to pure shenanigans. Regardless, I powered through and got to a place of stillness for about 7 minutes. There’s a reason it’s called a meditation practice. Man! 

I was rewarded with a beautiful and spellbinding dharma talk about the second noble truth by teacher and graceful Black woman, Arisika Razak. She started us out with movement, a call for rain (you’re welcome), and a Soul Train line before coming together to sit and talk about craving. Yearning, longing, and the presence of need are said to be a barrier to enlightenment. Arisika pointed to a long-standing interpretation of The Buddha’s teachings that identify children and intimate relationships as a distraction from one’s true path. She challenged this understanding and posited it as a diluted translation and patriarchal deductive conclusion. I’m with that. Craving in its darkest sense can reference substance abuse, jealousy, and deep-seated unhappiness within ourselves. On a smaller scale, understanding that wanting does not automatically lead to self-shaming and sadness is a great concept to keep close. 

As I continue to explore my relationships with men and maleness, the blaring correlation between the Second Noble Truth and dating is salient. So I’ve been called Type A, someone with a strong personality, a hard person to get to know. I don’t really understand these descriptors but I get the gist of what folks are trying to say. Basically, I give zero phux. In my professional life, I am an expeditor. In my friendships, I am tenaciously loyal. If I were an assassin, I’d have a perfect kill record. No loose ends.Modern courtship, in my experience, is a quintessential loose end. Men are at an age where they feel that being single and being married are comparable joys and equidistant trajectories. Women are socialized to feel that every life event is just a grain of sand’s drop from the end of time. Thankfully my 30’s are teaching me that I have all the time in the world, if I want it. 

And so we dance… Me and them, me and him, she and he.The Closer/ Assassin in me wants to move swiftly through the longest audition and call back process of my life and get to the selection. The final rose ceremony. Shoot to kill. “And the winner is….” already! But the dance has value. The dance has taught me how to cherish myself beyond objectification and a man’s fleeting preference. The dance has taught me that a man will always chose a woman’s attention, her gaze, over absence. Dating has been a measurement of ego strength. I’ve learned that flattery does get old. Lust is not intolerable. And some attention really isn’t worth it. I’ve also learned that curiosity and attraction are not the same. There are souls I want to know more about. There are men I want to know everything about it. I’m honing the wisdom to know the difference. As a healer and message maker, I thought I was seeking someone to be my shelter in the storm. Dating gives me clarity about this concept. Current hypothesis: my paired soul is not a shelter or a haven but a prism, faceted and reflecting aspects of myself and the world that I only see when look at him.

Back to the sit...As we closed our meditation, Arisika gently guided us to place a hand on our hearts and raise the other palm outward to the world. With my eyes still closed and rested, I placed my right hand on my heart chakra and raised my left in front of me. Arisika invited us to recognize and revel in the attention and compassion toward these two realms in which we all dwell. Be gentle and kind to yourself (first) so you can radiate loving kindness to your outer world. This lesson is in divine alignment with my experience in dating. When I am fully aware of how much I love myself, I am cognizant of whether those around me are able to love (themselves/me).

And so, I allow my path to pave itself and implore Spirit to be patient with my wandering. Thank you to my teachers and a deep bow to Arisika Razak. With a hand to my heart and hand to the world, I open, I listen, I love, I am patient, I dance, and I sit.

Be blessed,