Writing Vent
The thing about me and writing is I'm rusty and still trying to untangle myself from the perfectionist mind set that's taken root within me and spread like some obnoxious weed that that's 100% invasive to my ecosystem.
Which means writing is like walking uphill on the steepest hill. Its trying to skate on ice for the first time. Its not an impossible task but I've lost the skill and my ability to write without a care for how the words mesh together or if the plot makes sense. My worry about it later and just keep writing ability has all but shriveled and died. I get stuck in an endless loop of 'this doesn't sound good must fix'. And if you know me, you know I usually hate time loops with a passion. So yeah, writing is hell, but because I'm stubborn and remember how it felt when words were coming to me lighting fast and I was in the zone and having the greatest time of my life---I can't just can't give up on her.
In short, I really need to write something that's both terrible and extremely self indulgent. And also kill my decision paralysis because that's another thing I've managed to aquire.
And maybe make writing something that helps against my anxiety. I've noticed art does that. And because it does, I tend to gravitate towrds drawing instead of writing. I think my brain jist wants the reward but writing hasn't been rewarding in a long time. Its been the thing I wanted to reclaime because I lost it to one of the darkest periods in my life.
And that isn't to say that writing doesn't bring me joy. It does, which is weird. I just want to get back to being able to finish things and loving them.
