oops forgot to post this yesterday

today's goals: brush teeth, wash face, eat lunch and eat dinner, journal, put away clean laundry, wash dirty laundry, finish laundry, draw, wash dishes, look into credit cards, finish looking into the local library's resources online, accomplish some pre-semester paperwork, figure out why Sylvia (my bamboo plant) looks sad, clean up table, look into intern or job opportunities, read, text mom, brush teeth, wash face, and plan tomorrow's day

things I have accomplished today:

brushed my teeth, washed my face, and ate lunch (which my friends picked up for me <3, scrambled eggs mixed w salmon and a side of in season fruit). dinner was pizza w chicken, olives, and jalapeños

FINISHED ORGANIZING MY CLOOOSETT!!! major whoop because this is gonna make putting away all my laundry sm easier

cleaned up my table, put away my clean laundry, journaled, practiced drawing anatomy, and read a few chapters of Aristotle & Dante

what am i doing right now as i type this? sitting on the edge of my bed / just finished eating my lunch and listening to the album Effloresce by Covet /

gratitude timeee: very thankful that i'm trying my best, my mom respecting my boundaries with her,

I haven’t felt jealous in so long. And I hate feeling like this.

I don’t want to tell you why I am upset or why I am feeling down because I don’t want you (or even myself) to feel like I am going back to who I was years ago. Back to when I would get jealous at every single girl you talked to.

But this feeling feels so familiar. It all feels like history is repeating itself.

It’s the same feeling I had when your best friend was dating their ex. And all you did was talk about her. You would bring her up all the time. It was like you had feelings towards her. You would always say you miss her so much. You two even message each other on Instagram sometimes. I was upset when she only messaged you ‘OMG CONGRATS’ on our engagement day and not even message me. When I showed you a Filipino celebrity that reminds me of my childhood because everyone said I looked like her, you flat out said “she doesn’t really look like you, she looks more like ____”. That crushed me. It was like you were always thinking of her.

This time, it’s a different friend’s girlfriend. And I didn’t think I would feel jealous towards her because she knows how it feels like to be cheated on or to be betrayed by a close girlfriend. But now, I don’t even know. During our vacation, you barely held me but were always touchy with her and her boyfriend. I got uncomfortable. You lied to me yesterday saying you don’t know who you were playing with on Valerant. And then I heard you talking to her. Today, I told you how I was down I was feeling but you ignored me and brought her up instead because she was fighting with her man and she was venting to you.

Why was she venting to you?