#287aus

for write_or_write - day 7: photos - blue ; entry no.9

— #yeonbin ੈ♡‬༉ ・ models au | (ao3)

wc: 3990 | rating: mature | progress: flash fic 1/1

yeonjun isn’t giving soobin the reaction he wants. he wants to be chased after. wants an ounce of his attention. but what yeonjun says leaves soobin more confused than ever.

or: where yeonjun says, “like i care, do whatever you want. go out all you want. at the end of the day, you’ll come back to me. and when you do, i’ll make sure you never forget why it’s me. always me in the very end.”

# semi toxic, semi idiots in love, semi crack

There’s an eerie silence between them, an unsettling thickness that makes Yeonjun feel lightyears away. Soobin always has doubts—not anything to do with Yeonjun directly, but himself. If he makes one wrong move with Yeonjun, that could be it. It’s not long until he’s bound to do something that will make them grow sour towards each other. They’re long past the phase of getting to know each other, but they aren’t exclusive either. It seems easy for Yeonjun to leave without reason. It is what Soobin fears for most.

So the heaviness? Maybe it’s just all in his head. He hasn’t done anything wrong—not that he knows of. It must truly mean there is nothing wrong. And yet…he feels it. Still feels it. It’s not in his head is it?

“Yeonjun?”

Yeonjun hums but the glow of his phone screen still reflects on his entire face. He doesn’t spare any of his attention towards Soobin.

Soobin decides to shift, giving them room on the couch until he’s bumping against the arm rest.

“Do you not want to spend time with me?” he says when Yeonjun doesn’t acknowledge their distance.

With a small sigh, Yeonjun pockets his phone into his lap and finally gives Soobin the eye contact he’s been longing for since he first stepped foot into the apartment. Yes. Yeonjun did not spare a glance at Soobin the entire visit. He simply kissed Soobin’s cheek and gestured him in before closing the door. Soobin became a host for himself, grabbed his own glass of water and invited himself onto the couch and tuned into whatever Yeonjun was already watching.

“What are you talking about?” Yeonjun huffs, one leg crossing over the other as he seems to shift uncomfortably.

“I don’t—you…I don’t really understand what we’re doing anymore.” It’s Soobin’s fears speaking for him. He’s been walking on eggshells for weeks. In the middle of the dozens of street vendors, under the moon and stars, Soobin found him. Truly realized that he wanted Yeonjun more than he’s ever wanted anything in his entire life. Maybe since then, he’s been more vulnerable, voicing out his truths and worries around Yeonjun, more clingy, kissing every inch of Yeonjun’s face—just so fucking in love. Yeonjun must know, must want to break it to him easily. That he doesn’t feel the same way.

“Well what do you want to do, Soobin?” Yeonjun says, in a way that’s cold and snarky, like he wants this conversation to die out already.

Soobin ignores one question for another, “Why are you so busy these days?”

“Hardly busy.”

“Are you seeing other people?”

“Do you think I am? What if I am?”

It’s like he can hear it. The way his heart stops beating, followed with thorns in his throat. “Are you?”

“Am I?”

Soobin clenches his fists, simultaneously with the way he squints his eyes, refusing to let the prickles in his eyes turn into full grown tears. “Why can’t you answer normally? Stop beating around all of this. I’m already trying to talk to you clearly.”

“And if I said I am?”

“Then I’m going out,” Soobin argues while getting up, already pulling his jean jacket from the edge of the couch, flinging it over his shoulders as he punches his hands into the arm holes.

“Where could you possibly be going on a Friday night, at what…midnight?”

“Where would I go? Where do you think we met at this hour?” Soobin retorts snarkily. He doesn’t know what compels him to state such vile words—to spit lies. He hardly wants to be anywhere tonight but in Yeonjun’s arms. He does not want to go to their favorite vibrant bar where he met Yeonjun, without Yeonjun. He definitely does not want to hook up with anybody else. And somehow he still utters, “See someone else. Right?”

Yeonjun doesn’t even look at him, scoffs at his lap, “Like I care, do whatever you want.”

“Really,” Soobin says with a ginormous gulp. If it wasn’t clear to him earlier, now there’s nothing in between them. Soobin sees Yeonjun for all he is. He never meant anything to Yeonjun and it’s always been crystal clear.

Yeonjun finally gets up, circling the couch and stands before Soobin. Everything around them is drowned out, a thousand times more than moments ago. It’s just static noise and the dimness from the television. Yeonjun’s pointed eyebrow looks fierce as his nostrils flair with irritation. Soobin’s hands are clammy and he just wants to escape this darkness in exchange for an intimate crying session in his car.

“Yeah, go out all you want, you’ll come back to me. And when you do, I’ll make sure you never forget why it's me. Always me in the very end.”

Soobin takes a step back when Yeonjun advances a step. His hand invades the space in between Soobin’s nape and shoulder, palm resting firmly on his collarbone as the fingers pry into his back. “Go then.”

Soobin is frozen in place. Despite Yeonjun’s demands, he can’t utter a single action. Yeonjun always had this way about being unclear. He was never great at expressing himself, but it was the many reasons Soobin easily fell for him. It felt as if Yeonjun was a constant challenge that Soobin was working so hard to solve. Little by little, Soobin revealed Yeonjun’s interests, struggles, passions and stories. Soobin lived for unraveling Yeonjun this way. Sometimes it’s too much, but that’s what makes loving Yeonjun so, so worth it. What does he mean right now? Soobin still wants to find out. He is afraid he will always hurt himself by discovering parts of Yeonjun that he doesn’t need to know.

“So you want me to go?” Soobin breaths out quietly.

Yeonjun shrugs. “If you’re going to find someone that’s gone spend time with you, fine, goodluck. I doubt you’ll find anyone half as interesting as me. Probably wouldn’t fill you up the way I do.”

“Yeonjun—“

“He won’t know your body the way I do. Won’t touch you the way you need. Won’t know how you like it, how you deeply need it, baby. Not long until you come running back to me afterwards.”

“And if I don’t?”

Yeonjun tilts his head, eyes filled with concern despite the sick, mocking grin.

“What if this time…I don’t come back?”

“Then I was wrong. You aren’t meant to be mine.”

It’s different. He says it with sorrow. All the arrogance vanished, leaving Soobin to stare at a man with the same sullen eyes, minus his wicked smirk.

Soobin shoves Yeonjun’s hand off his body, stomping away because he doesn’t want to be anywhere near Yeonjun—one who keeps giving Soobin mixed signals. “Yeonjun for once, can you please, please tell me what you are feeling?”

“How do I make you stay, Soobin? I’m not sure.”

“Tonight? Just hold me…talk to me. I just want—“

“No. Forever. Always. What do I have to do to keep you?” Yeonjun is fixated on the ground, as if the carpet is more amusing than having an entire conversation with Soobin.

“I love you, Yeonjun but you’re always pulling back.”

“Me? You’re the one who’s started replying slower, canceling our dates, talking to other people. It’s best I keep my distance too, right? To see what I mean to you. I need to understand what I am to you.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to do!” Soobin snaps, raising an accusatory hand, finger digging into Yeonjun’s chest. “I’ve been pulling away to see if you’d come after me. But you’re going off telling me to just fuck somebody else until I realize they aren’t you? What the fuck is that?”

Yeonjun laces his fingers around Soobin’s and gently brings it down. Soobin doesn’t try to pry away but he doesn’t link their fingers together either.

“Soobin…can you say that again?”

“What? Say what again, you’re—ugh!”

“Soobin, you love me?”

Soobin stares in complete confusion. “Yes. Yeah, I’m making a fool out of myself, aha. Yeah, I love you so much. But I suppose you want me to say that to a stranger’s face then expect me to come back and come on yours.”

“No, no…” Yeonjun near-cries. “Soobin, I seriously love you. I mean, I love you, too. I love you back! I’ve been dying here trying to figure out why or how we’ve grown apart.”

Soobin’s stomach erupts with this whirlwind of happiness, but he can’t help but remain frustrated at their stubbornness. “I shouldn’t play games with you. I see that. But you shouldn’t voluntarily pull away either.”

“Says the one who also tried to pull away as a test.”

“Says the one who told me to fuck someone else, even though they loved me, as a response to my test.”

Yeonjun looks cute again. Eyebrows furrowed and lips pouty in confusion. “That doesn’t even make sense.”

“You don’t either. I am always trying to decode you. I keep spending many of my days just trying to understand you. It’s infuriating. But somehow, it makes me love you so, so much.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. Forgive me?”

“Yeah, yeah. You’re lucky I confessed first. I really wouldn’t have come back, Yeonjun,” Soobin expresses deeply.

Yeonjun releases a heavy sigh before planting a tender kiss on Soobin's cheek. “Mine?”

“Of course, idiot. Now…will you do something to really make me stay?”

“Strip, then bend over the couch armrest,” Yeonjun says with a spank to Soobin’s ass. “Better be ready by the time I come back with some lube and a condom.”

“Make up sex, yay!”

“How about we pretend it’s still angry sex?”

for write_or_write - day 5: photos - black ; entry no.7

— #yeonbin ੈ♡‬༉ ・ exes | (ao3)

wc: 1.7k | rating: g | progress: 1/1

tags: hurt/comfort, post breakup cuddling