#2757

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body a day' #4: beach

I woke up in shock . What was that! I was horrified, stood up inside my bed, staring blankly with racing thoughts.

This was too much! This had to end! I dove way to deep in this phantasie, this dream, this light, he glow! I had to get it out of my head. My imagination seemed to go wilder and wilder.

So I tried to calm me down, breathed heavily, one deep stream after the other. And it helped. I had a day off, so I went out, took a walked, tried to get my head clear.

The beach, this would help for sure. It was a nice, bright day. Maybe those nights in the woof were not good for my thoughts after all. And it worked. As I reached the shores I felt much better, watching the birds, the waves, feeling a gentle breeze, seeing others injoy their life. Just as I did.

I walked quite a distance, toook off my shoes and just drifted along. I rarely go to the beach. To be honest, I'm not that content with my body. It's ok, I guess, but sporty in no sense. Lean, lanky almost.

So when I saw those sirfer dudes at the beach, the swimmers, those hunks at the training area I always got jealous. I myself never got to start any sport at all. Never knew such people and to start alone was no option.

But I had left most of those sportsmen behind. I was with myself more or less. Or st least I felt calm in myself when this dude came out of the waves. He wasn't particularly special, sure he was well built, habdsome and had some pretty nice features, but I had seen many of these, on my current walk alone.

Still I couldn't help but notice him, watch him while I got closer. And I didn't realize that our paths would cross pretty close. Time and time again I looked to him, tried to act otherwise but there was something pulling me further and further.

And it was just few more steps to him, to the spot where he seemed to have left his stuff in a resting, small boat up the beach, where he now grabbed a towel and dried his hairy chest when I suddenly felt something in my own. My chest felt strange, tense warm and my head got even more focused while I almost lost control of me, I just acted without thinking, feeling the force, getting closer and reaching for my chest just before I reached this guy.

He looked towards the sea, didn't notice me yet while my hand seemed to dive into my chest grabbing something that fet awfully familiar, pulled it out like it layed in a secret pond. And I saw a glow as it must have passed the surface of my skin.

I hardly remember the emmiting light, my hand reaching forward towards the chest of that dude, pushing in when I finally lost consciousness...

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Rainer Maria Rilke in Arizona