#25thyear

"It is when you choose peace above all."

December 14, 1994 I was born and few days from now I am 25. Quarter life, they say. What is there for me to bring on my 25th year?

I can say that I have lived quite a meaningful life. Perfect? No. Beautiful? Sometimes. Chaotic? There are times. Worth it? Yes, 100%!

In less than a month I will be celebrating my birthday and the ideas are all abuzz. Where and with whom will I celebrate it? Sure I can't celebrate it in the grandest way, I don't have so much of the financial resources but I can feel so much love from people who are blessed for my existence and I think, that is the goal.

This is a piece to thank this life for all the experiences I had in my 24 years of existence. It was all mind blowing! The lessons it taught me, they are all so precious. And nothing more I oray than may I be able to bring all the essential lessons in my 25th year, only by God's help.

These lessons include:

1. Peace and Maturity

Yes. I feel so lucky to understand the essentials and principles of maturity. That in the age of 25 I will not struggle on accepting things when it is not going to be in my favor. To be matured, you are expected to know and understand more. This might be tiring at some point but only few people get to be matured and I should be very thankful for that.

It is when you have a point, when you are right, when you can get upset but at the end of the day, you have chosen to be in silence and understand others. It is when you choose peace above all.

2. Patience and Perseverance

Let us talk about my goals and dreams because they aren't here yet. Patience is real for waiting for the perfect timing. I always say that waiting is always a challenge for me and it is no joke. I am entering my 25th year together with all my dreams and goals set before hand. We are all hopeful that when the time is right, the Lord shall make it happen.

The beautiful lesson entailed with patience is that it teaches us to wait happily, hopefully and positively. Now what's even better than that?

3. Spiritual Growth

I can still remember struggling myself on reading the bible and have my quiet time. It was hard. I easily get distracted. But I am so blessed to be in a life where I had no choice, I had no one, I had nothing but God, His words and His promise. It made me whole again. It made me complete. It brought me to where I am today, in a safer place.

When you make seeking God your lifestyle, congratulations! Because you are about to live a life that is not seeking for men's approval but of God's. And nothing is more satisfying than witnessing God take over and work over your life in the most mysterious and surprising ways.

These are few but the highlights of my life by far. I have no one to thank but my God who has brought me this far and I know shall bring me farther.

To the 25th year and more years ahead, cheers!

Over the year-to-date, I find myself more time-starved than ever. There are just too many different interests, events, development opportunities, friends and general options for how to spend my time. 

I find that I struggle to settle on a good decision framework for ranking things to do. Part of the issue is determining what objective function is most worthy of optimizing. 

At times (this summer) I’m hedonistically driven to optimize for fun. Salsa and bachata, sports, soccer, potential love interests dominate my time. Not to mention the commitment that dragon boat required. I truly regret that I lacked the courage to just quit the team. In university, it was an amazing experience and being on the team brought me true joy. This work team did not replicate the feeling. I think it boils down to a mixture of misalignment with these teammates and the arduous training regimen. I would commit two 2 hour practice sessions with the team per week on top of 5-6 hour long workout sessions in my own time. The workouts were fine - though fastidiously specific. However, their combination with my lack of patience for my teammates wore me down. That coupled with a gradual sense of isolation from the majority of teammates made my perception of the whole team experience deteriorate greatly. I see myself as the problem element and stubbornly lack the will to change myself to fit into the team dynamic. “It is always easier to just leave.” - my mantra, and as I am learning, likely the universal mantra of isolated loners.

In others, I strive for professional growth. Reading with fervor non-fiction books on networking and career strategies. Reading self-help books to work on my mindset, my confidence, and meaning. Listening to podcasts along the same vein. To that end, I have yet still lacked the time to attend networking events and get my name out there. I feel like it is soon my time to pursue new opportunities at a different company doing more complicated data science work but opportunities seldom present themselves totally unsolicited. Further, I need to develop my portfolio. The types of positions I want value side-projects and open source knowledge. The type tech that I do not use regularly at work right now and projects that I have neglected to work on thus far is exactly what the internet makes me believe they are looking for. 

Then other curiosities like the web development course I began at the start of the year, my insatiable penchant for anime and Netflix’s seductive allure all amplify the vacuum effect on my spare time. I always feel as though my mind is switched on.

Not even to get started on the stresses of immigration, family pressures, my apartment woes and of course, the ever looming question of money.