#23mths

all the people I love are snuggled into me and it's divine! I love my babies.

I quite honestly have to wake Rosemary for her nightfeeds, which you think would be pretty sweet, no crying baby. But it's actually rather worrying considering it's peak time for supply development and she's losing weight constantly. For a tiny baby she needs to be gaining all the time but she's just not. Anyway my alarm goes off for the first night feed... Rowan audibly sighs, gets up, turns the fucking night light off and leaves the room all whilst ignoring me even though I'm asking him direct questions. I swear his attitude is disgusting, I'm going to ask him to leave before long.

Really don't think 50mg is working for me anymore. I'm super angry all the time. I feel sick I'm like this around my kids. I felt like screaming at Rosemary today... She's not even three weeks old yet. I'm a fucking failure.

Really fucking sick of being ignored by Rowan all evening. I'm going to smash the fucking laptop over his head in a bit if he doesn't stop with the fucking MtG. It's like being a single fucking parent sometimes.

Dorothy will not nap, she's still bfing and it's given her the most horrendous diarrhea like ten times a day. I genuinely cannot deal with her today. I just want to be left alone. Rowan is trying his hardest but even he's annoying me. I want him to fuck off back to work and leave me alone. I could happily set fire to the flat with all three of them inside.