#21.02.2022

Day 6 post op. Coming to my next big milestone, 1 week on from laparoscopy. I'm sleeping okay, besides the weird 5am waking feeling but last night I didn't even need painkillers to get back to sleep. I'm also not desperate for painkillers most of the time. Around lunch time and dinner continues to be uncomfortable but again I think that's just my struggle to find the right meal rhythm. I'm way hungrier that usual because of the grazing. I only got one intense sort of moment today in terms of bad sensation and that was when I was walking rhe dog around the house and trying to do some cooking. I had to do some calculations then for when I could next take the pills. It seems 4pm is a hard time for me. Physically I would say I'm healing well. Emotionally I have these lows of feeling inadequate and like I'm a person with a broken body and my body has failed me and I'm now failing others (by being dependant on my working partner, being unable to be energetic with my young dog etc). It's frustrating to say the least when mentally in my head I am seeing things needing done around the house but physically I can't just do them. Bending and lifting are way more common elements in household chores than I ever appreciated! Even just laundry feels too risky. And an endometriosis laparoscopy cuts into your core muscles in quite an inhibiting way when they're healing. My boyfriend has said he doesn't feel I've failed him as a partner but I fear he might just have to say things like that. I know the strain his job puts him under, I see it. And now he has to do all the dog walking and most of the chores with next to no assistance because everything weighs over 15 pounds or requires bending and stretching. I couldn't even get ingredients for cooking out of the cupboard without help. It feels like a debt I can never repay. I so badly want to fast forward to being better.