#20starbright2

there’s only a handful of days to prepare anything before the audition is supposed to take place. that alone sends woong into an anxious flurry, a moment where he realizes that all of the careful cuts and edits of the videos he makes for fun will not be able to help him when it comes to a few staff members and a camera that will not ignore all of his mistakes. he’s not good enough at anything; his singing experience is confined almost entirely to letting his voice get lost among the congregation of his church, dance just a few scattered classes that he’s never been remotely consistent at. drum set, sure, but no one likes jazz, the genre he’s most proficient at, and it’s not going to make him look like a good choice for a trainee.

he throws himself into rehearsals, not stopping to even think about if he really wants this, if this is a path he really wants to take. he knows that if he stops to think about it, he’ll realize that he can’t possible be both a trainee and a law student. they’re not remotely compatible careers. he’ll have to think about why he changed his undergrad major from pre-law to liberal arts, about how much fun he has cursing at an overworked laptop that just can’t handle the rendering and exports on the videos he makes. he’ll have to think that his ambitions might be changing, and that in some ways he’s failed his younger self and his mother, betraying their interests for his own.

it’s when he walks up to the trc building, ready to push through the doors and walk in to this audition, that all of those un-thought thoughts finally come crashing down on him.

nerves first found him in transit, though easily enough brushed off as pre-audition jitters. he’s had them before, trying out for select jazz band (he made it in), and that one time he sang in public (he’s still not sure he’d ever do that again). they build. woong realizes he’s underrehearsed. he forgets the lyrics while reviewing the song in his head, plugs in his headphones to listen to it again only to realize he’s been singing a portion of it wrong this whole time. oh no, not good. he hums to himself, still too self-conscious to sing even under his breath on public transit. every time he goes through it, it sounds worse, more wrong.

woong realizes he’s starting to freak out. he takes a deep breath.

by the time he’s in the shadow of the entertainment powerhouse’s headquarters, he can’t remember his song at all. it’s like a stopper has been pulled, like a dam broke and everything is crashing down on him all at once. woong stands there, staring up at the iconic sign. he’s seen it a thousand times before, living in this city. he’s seen it on tv even more. but standing in front of it, knowing he has a path waiting for him inside (though how far that will go he doesn’t know), adds an extra level of fear and awe.

he sees girls, giggling, hoping to catch a glimpse of their favorite idols as they linger outside of the building. he sees who he can only assume are trainees looking dead on their feet as they shuffle back to work, back to chipping away at themselves until they’re masterpieces. he sees himself in the reflection of well-cleaned glass.

trc is a lot of pressure, even for not being guaranteed a contract. it’s the highest standard; they’ll eat you alive. woong hesitates for a long time outside of the building. he was early, he has time to linger. 

maybe it’s the heat and the sun, the nerves, the way that his brain has gotten so loud that he’s not even sure what thoughts are his own anymore. the sidewalk feels a little less solid under his feet, his head a little less firmly attached to his shoulders. and then the pressure finds a home in his stomach, sitting heavily, churning up what’s left of a sparse breakfast.

it’s all woong can do to get to a patch of landscaping before his insides turn out; there was no hope of making it to a toilet. the busy street sounds so quiet around him, the ringing in his ears unbearable as he vomits his heart onto mulch and pavement. he feels eyes on him, girls watching him in horror and disgust, passersby breaking their gate to gawk at the young man getting sick on the street. he feels so many eyes, he feels them itch and burn and judge him without even knowing his name. his eyes are red, his nose is runny. he doesn’t quite realize he’s crying until his stomach manages to settle, when he knows that the wetness on his face wasn’t caused only by hot bile.

he tries to walk away at first, but it soon turns into a run. anything to get away from this scene, to get away from the eyes. he runs until his lungs burn, pushing past sidewalk pedestrians and ducking his head low so no one can see the tears on his face. he runs until he can no longer breathe, when he collapses with his back against the cool stone of a building, when desperate breathes are punctuated by ragged tears. at least here it’s quiet; there’s no one on the street to witness this incredible breakdown.

nova entertainment was interested in her. it wasn’t kt or royal like she’d hoped, but she supposed she had listed and*roma as one of her musical influences. that was basically as good as putting down nova as her third choice. she was in half a mind to turn them down. maybe she would have, if it weren’t for the voice in her that sounded suspiciously like yuzu once again reminding chaewon of her own advice -- take the opportunity you’ve been given. what’s the worst that could happen? they tell her no? it wasn’t much, but it was still scary. if they turned her down, would her confidence survive it? chaewon was only just picking herself back up from her last bit of a wobble. 

but on the other hand, maybe they’d say yes. 

the possibility was enough to have her jumping off her bed to burst into jie’s room and tell her about the news, and ask if she had any of her own. either way, at least one of them was going to need a new outfit for her audition. 

nova was famous for their dancers. she’d mentioned in her form and interview that she studied ballet. was that what piqued their interest? or was it her other dance experience? but, maybe they wanted to see her guitar skills, her more out of the box skillset. after a couple of nights of tossing and turning, watching back recordings of her dance classes from back at soundbox, and her routines and guitar covers that she’d posted to her youtube channel over the years, chaewon decided to dance for her audition. she assumed that her knowledge of an instrument would be something fun to break out for a special stage some time if she ever debuted. as an idol hopeful, they’d probably be more interested in her dancing. jinsoul’s suggestion that she go dressed as a princess to play them taylor swift’s love story was tempting though. if dancing failed, she could always break out her guitar next time. or ... it could be a good back up idea, maybe, if she really couldn’t settle on a choreography to perform. one of the outfits she and jie got was a really princessy floral dress. 

she was currently leaning more towards one of the shorts combos though. something bright and energetic, perfect for the summer. she wanted her performance to give off that kind of vibe too. after going through all of the routines she’d taught at her soundbox class last year, chaewon eventually settled on move by little mix. it was fun, bouncy and she could demonstrate her fluency in english alongside her dancing and singing. she also, after a few runthroughs, found that she was able to decently sing it while she was dancing. there wasn’t any point in choosing a routine that she couldn’t catch her breath to sing with. her voice wasn’t anywhere near as jazzy as perrie’s in the pre-chorus, but she could sing it in her own way. the rest of what she had to sing was no problem. chaewon spent the rest of her days in preparation rehearsing, and when she wasn’t, she was still singing the pre-chorus as she walked around the apartment, practicing putting more power behind her voice. 

she wouldn’t stand for doing anything less than her best. she knew she wasn’t the best out of everyone, and for that reason, she wasn’t sure that being the best park chaewon would be enough. by the time callback day came around, chaewon only felt bad for jie and their neighbours, who had to put up with her singing the same lines over and over again. she’d put herself through having to do this, so how could she have felt bad for herself?

chaewon promised she wouldn’t feel bad about it, regardless of what the outcome ended up being.

on her relatively short journey from seodaemun-gu to hongdae, chaewon listened to move on repeat, practicing in her head every step she was ideally going to take in the audition room -- from the moment she walked in, to the moment she walked out. it ended up being very good that she left a little bit early, because chaewon managed to walk past the nova entertainment building three times before she realized that she was just looking in the wrong direction. she never was very good at reading maps. once she got to the door, a sudden sense of anxiety pulled at her, forcing her to take a step back. chaewon looked to her side, hoping she could will one of her friends into magically appearing next to her. no such luck. just plain old park chaewon shuffling from foot to foot outside nova entertainment’s front door.

with a deep breath and with all of the advice she’d given her friends playing in her mind, chaewon stepped pulled open the door, stepped through, and let it close behind her before she had the chance to change her mind. she didn’t want to be on file as the girl who didn’t even show up for her callback with nova after she accepted it. instilled with a new surge of determination, chaewon marched herself up to the reception desk, proudly presenting herself to the member of staff who guided her to a corridor outside of what she could only assume was a practice studio of some kind. her suspicions were proven correct, when she managed to slyly catch a glimpse of the room behind the door as a guy left, presumably having just wrapped his own audition. there was a panel in there, which chaewon knew there would be. she felt less nervous having seen them for just a second. they were just like any other audience at the end of the day.

finally, it was her turn. having fully warmed up while waiting, chaewon tossed her hair back, rolled her shoulders a couple of extra times for good measure, and entered the audition room. she smiled warmly at the panel as she entered and took her place at the center of the room, taking an extra second to give a gracious nod to hyun bin himself.

“hello!” chaewon bowed to the panel, and as she came up she framed her chin with her hands like a flower. “i’m park chaewon! i’m twenty-one years old. i’m excited to perform for you today! i’ve prepared a song and a dance.” the panel’s silence was intimidating and slightly disconcerting, but chaewon kept on smiling. she turned to the staff member she’d given her audio to and gave them the nod that she was ready for her minute to start. one minute. one minute was all she had, so it would have to be all she needed.

you know that i've been waiting for you don't leave me standing all by myself cause i ain't looking at no one else

chaewon’s voice rang out crisply, singing voice as chirpy and bright as ever. she started off with a bouncy little spin, hair whipping around while she turned, leg kicking up behind her and one hand forming a finger gun as she sent the judging panel a wink on the word you. as she transitioned from her freestyle section into the real choreography, chaewon thanked herself for picking a song like move, where the challenging vocal part for her was at the start, so she didn’t have to deal with it later, when she’d inevitably be more out of breath. even though she was singing at the top of her range, chaewon kept wearing a smile. she’d practiced so hard for that very reason -- if she just got through the pre-chorus, it was all plain sailing from there on. chaewon was doing her best to show them that the lyrics were no coincidence. she had been waiting for a chance like this. she’d been waiting for them.

hey, get your back off the wall don't you get comfortable looking so hot i think that i might fall feeling like it's my birthday like christmas day came early just what i want so when we move you move

once the vocals got easier, chaewon took the opportunity to really turn on her charm, as if the panel could actually be tempted to get out of their seats and move with her. with her flirty smile and the cock of her head at think that i might fall when she came back to face the panel after her twirl, chaewon couldn’t deny that she was actually feeling herself. she’d always been a big believer that practice meant perfect, and she’d spent the week practicing nonstop. the pay off in the performance felt immensely satisfying.

get your back off the wall don't you get comfortable looking so hot i think that i might fall feeling like it's my birthday like christmas day came early just what i want so when we move you move

the hey! in the background track, when chaewon skipped forward, hands in the air, signaled her cue to take the energy up another notch. she’d been at a solid eight before, but in that moment, she took it to a nine. as nervous as she had been when first stepping into the nova entertainment building, the nerves had almost completely converted into adrenaline and buzz for the performance while she warmed up outside the audition room -- now, chaewon was able to put her best foot forward, and show the judges the realest version of park chaewon, a girl whose best self came out when she was on stage. with a grin and a cute ‘come hither’ motion, chaewon dropped low to the ground, coming back up and capturing the mix of cutie-sexy that she wanted to show off, hairography and all. 

i know that you wanna but you can't cause you gotta stay cool in the corner when the truth is that you wanna move so move

it was time to turn it up to ten. come on, hyun bin, come on, panel. when she snapped back up from her bend and snap moment, chaewon gave a smile especially to the ceo-man himself.

i know that you wanna but you can't cause you gotta stay cool in the corner when the truth is that you wanna move so move

she wanted the lyrics to be true. even if she had only had a minute, no matter how much she wished she’d had only thirty more seconds to show them her choreography in full, chaewon hoped more than anything that even though the panel had to stay silent, had to stay cool, that she’d inspired them to want to move too. heart beating fast as she lowered herself into her final position, chaewon finished up by tossing her hair back and holding up a finger heart to the judges. cheeks flushed pink, chaewon popped up quickly once the music cut and gave the camera and the panel another, deeper bow. 

“thank you so much for the opportunity.” she almost thanked them in english rather than korean, still slightly stuck in the world of the song. with one last smile, hands coming together in an act of gratitude, chaewon made her exit.

the trouble was picking a song that he could pluck out only a minute of to showcase his abilities. he’d learnt the choreo to multiple songs he liked since the beginning of the year, and had even made his own choreography for the ones that didn’t already have choreo for them. but, in the end it wasn’t a new song he picked to perform, but what he liked to call ‘a classic’. despite being a few years old, ‘press your number’ was by far one of ten’s favourite songs to sing and dance, and so an easy song to pick, in the end. he already knew the choreography and the lyrics, he just had to perfect it. 

that was the hard part. around his uni lectures and classes, and teaching at 1million, he had to find the time to also prepare a solid minute of quality dancing and singing, and he didn’t have long to do it. the dancing he wasn’t too worried about, but the singing he knew he needed to practise a lot, as months of not singing as regularly as he used to had left him a tad rusty. he remembered all the things he should do, but figuring out how to utilise his voice properly to do those things wasn’t the simplest thing, especially when he didn’t have a vocal trainer at the ready. he’d been meaning to get himself one, but it seemed he was too late. 

at the day of the audition draws nearer ten finds himself worrying more and more. not so much about whether he’ll do well but about what the judges will think of him, presuming they know about his past. he’s older than a lot of people trying out, he’s sure, and he’s got a history of medical issues (even though they’re sorted out now) will they want to risk investing in him? but a bigger question is how would a rejection affect him right now? is he in a good enough place mentally to take that?

he would like to think so, but honestly he’s not sure he can be absolutely certain. not enough to rid him of the nerves. he’s going to do well, because he knows he’s talented and has put the work in, but is he ready?

he doesn’t have time to ponder it, though, as the day of the audition arrives and all the preparation and practise he’s put in has to be enough. he’s got no time left to worry, or put in another hour here or minute there. he’s spent every free minute perfecting this performance, which he found didn’t even hit the full minute mark. at first he’d worried it would be a detriment to him, not using up all his time, but then he remembered, it’s always quality over quantity, and ten’s pretty sure he can do in 30 seconds what another man could do in a full minute. he’s put in the work, and he’s got a solid base to work from - he’s experienced, and he’s about to show these judges he’s worth their time and money. 

he might doubt it, might not fully believe it, but the least he can do is make everyone else believe it. 

standing outside the nova building ten’s reminded of his old life, when he spent every single day in a building similar to this. a large part of him misses it like an ache deep inside, while a tinier part tries to remind him of the pain that accompanied those years of his life. this won’t be like that. if he makes it, he’s got the skills to manage his mental health, and he knows where to go if things get tough. he’s not going to bottle it all up again if things get hard. 

he doesn’t need to worry about that all right now, though, he’s not even facing the decision to become a trainee yet - just the decision to take a step closer to that potential opportunity. it’s what he wants, he knows that with crystal clear certainty. he was born to perform, and one set back isn’t going to stop him achieving that permanently. 

once he’s inside and waiting outside the room he’s to audition in he takes in his surroundings, letting himself notice just how similar, yet different it feels to what he remembers an entertainment company building feeling like. that sense of dread and overwhelming pressure he remembers feeling in his last few months in convex are absent, replaced by a nervous excitement. it’s as if a fog had lifted and he can see a lot clearer the route he’s meant to take, and how best to go about it now. 

his names called and instantly his heart rate picks up. he has to take a second to slow his breathing and take a sip from his water bottle before heading inside the audition room. there, his eyes fall on hyun bin. he’s an intimidating man, and ten can feel his hands grow slightly clammy at the sight of him, but he tries to use all that practise at pretending he’s confident to walk to the centre of the room and face the judges with a smile.

“hello, my name’s chittaphon leechaiyapornkul, i’m 22 years old, and i’m from bangkok, thailand. i’m going to be performing ‘press your number’ by lc9′s jun.” his introduction he’d decided to keep short and sweet with no fluffiness around the edges. he didn’t need to act cute to get his point across that he was talented. his dancing would do that for him. 

with a nod to the sound guy he readies himself to begin, hanging his head as he gets into his starting position. he’d not left himself much time at either side of the part he was going to be performing, only a couple seconds for the music to fade in and fade out, since he had extra time, left over, but his body steps into the first movements as if moving by itself. he’d practised so much that the dance was muscle memory at this point. every step of his feet, every turn of his head was hammered into his muscles. the difficult bit is the singing. 

difficult may not be the right word, since he doesn’t struggle when he opens his mouth to begin, but it’s not what he’s the most confident in, so a very small part of him still worries about his singing, even though he tries not to. 

꿀보다 달콤했던 네 숨결 날 간지럽히던 네 머릿결 멀어지는 기억을 붙잡아 애타는 맘이 너를 찾아 girl

the part which he’d picked to start out begins lighter, almost singing in a speaking voice as it rests in the middle of his range. it’s difficult to maintain, but if done well, making it look effortless, it’s all that more effective. he’s not sure if he’s making it look effortless, but he’s trying, trying to remain in that solid, connected middle range between where his voice thins out and thickens. 

the dance gets more expressive with each line, just at the volume increases each time, until he sing ‘애타는 맘이 너를 찾아 girl’, voice stronger, louder and accompanied by the emotion filled dance before he returns to the centre position for the chorus. 

다시 또 press your number 대답해 줘 지금 날 떠나도 잠깐뿐이라고 느껴져 들려줘 내 귓가에 다시 속삭여 줘

the chorus starts with high energy, and it’s ten’s favourite bit, the part where the corner of his lips quirks upwards from how badass he feels as he shrugs the shoulders of his jacket off one at a time and lifts his chin to the ceiling, eyes closing as he sings, voice strong and stable. a lot of this dance isn’t as much about technicality as it is about feeling. the emotion has to be there, otherwise it just doesn’t feel nor look right. 

going from a heavy, open legged stance where the movements are strong, smooth and long to a long, light, quick step shows his comfort and skill in his dancing. the way he switches the intensity while every limb still remains neat and precise, he hopes, is enough to impress the judges. 

press my number 대답해 줘 do it fast do it slow, you control the tempo 느껴봐 들어봐 내 심장을 너에게 맞출게 press

there’s something about floor sequences that ten has always liked. changing levels helps keep the attention, and looking good, being clean, precise and quick while also navigating moving from the floor, to standing and back again and making it look good is something a lot of people underestimate. it’s even harder to manage to keep his voice steady as he does so. there are long, strong, clean notes he needs to hit in this section, and he’d spent most time practising this bit. 

he manages to get through it without his voice wobbling, or breaking, despite him feeling as though it were about to at one point. he doesn’t let the almost mess up scare him though, since nothing bad did happen - he’s doing well, or at least he thinks so. 

he finishes the second half of the chorus with quick, clean moves, finishing with his legs apart and hands on his belt buckle, breathing out the ‘press’ then taking a moment, staying in his finishing pose to let the air clear of the reverberating music and tension, before he pulls his legs back together, drops his hands to his sides and bows with a smile. speaking through his heavy breathing he says “thank you for your consideration.” then, being given the motion to exit and being told to wait for the rest of the auditions to finish, he heads out, returning to his seat and taking a massive long drink from his water bottle. 

only then does he realise how ever nerve in his body is tingling with excitement, slowly releasing tension, and relief. it’s over, but it felt incredible. something about people who’ve possibly never seen his perform before seeing him for the first time always gives him thrill shivers. no matter the outcome, he enjoyed himself, and if he doesn’t make it, it isn’t the end of the world. 

after an hour and a half later, she finally finds a dance that not only looks possible for her, but also with a song that brings her a wave of nostalgia. she’s not only confident about this decision, but rather excited. it makes her even go to her parents’ room in the evening while her mother is downstairs washing the dishes after dinner, knocking so that he could know.

“i have something to tell you,” she starts. “but you have to keep this secret. when i tell you, you have to promise you won’t tell mom. or anyone.”

he looks concerned and she can understand why. “it’s not something bad. i didn’t hurt anyone,” she says immediately. she clears her throat. “uh. do you remember when daniel came to tell us that he got casted into this company called sphere?”

“yes,” he slowly nods. “what about it?”

“um… so on the day i told you i went out to do studying with my friends, i lied,” she explains bashfully and she sees a little frown from her father. it’s expected, but she still couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. “i… did this interview thingy for getting casted into an agency because i really wanted to try it out and see if it gets me anywhere. and i… have an audition with sphere this week?”

the frown turns into a look of surprise. “why didn’t you tell me the truth sooner?”

“i didn’t even think i would get an audition,” she replies honestly. “if i didn’t, i’d just call it a day and continue with saying i was studying with friends. but i did! and i kinda want you to drive me to the station because i don’t want to jinx anything if i drive there on my own.” classic mina.

he nods his head. “i see,” he replies, his facial expression becoming more calmer. “when is it?”

when she tells him the given time of the audition, he takes a second to think. probably to try and recall if he had anything to do during that time. “i think i can drop you off the station and pick you up,” he replies. “just let me know when it’s over. can i tell your brother?”

she shakes her head. “no. i want it to be a surprise.” as he was always the one to surprise her. first with the mgas and then with him getting into sphere. she feels like it’s appropriate to be the one to surprise him this time.

“okay,” he replies with a little laugh. “no telling your mom or your brother.” his face goes serious though. “but if you do get in, you have to tell her as soon as you can. you know that, right?”

she nods her head. “i know.” her voice is soft, afraid of how she’d react to that, especially with the fact that mina has kept silent about it to her even now. she’s even telling her dad about it before her. she can’t imagine how her mom would react to it. “i will. i’m just… scared.”

“i know you are,” he sighs. “just know that whatever happens, god will always be there to help you get through it.”

the smile is genuine, even if it’s a small one. even if she’s not the most vocal about her faith (she has her mom to thank for that), she couldn’t help but find his words to be comforting. she obviously isn’t the best christian in the world, especially compared to her family. so just the reminder that he was… still with her was something she didn’t know she needed until now.

“thanks, dad,” she replies. “i’ll leave you alone now.”

and she leaves his room to go back to hers, a lot on her mind.

…

while she waits for her turn to audition, she makes time to give god a prayer. and it’s not exactly her first one of the day.

when she and her dad arrived at the station, they prayed together. when she got on the train, she said a quick prayer before she stuffed her airpods in her ears as she shuffled for a random song. throughout the ride, she skipped all sphere artists songs so that she could prevent herself from daydreaming about a future in that building with chungha and daniel… and the convex members.

and she makes a final prayer now, mentally saying it in her brain.

“hi god. it’s mina again for the third time today,” she starts it off. “i have my audition today and i know i already told you how much i really want this to go well. i worked really hard learning it for the past few days whenever my mom wasn’t at home. i also really want to be able to join the experience with my brother and chungha, who’s kinda like my sister.”

she pauses as she thinks for a bit, then continues.

“i’m not the best christian. but i really want you to help me out. even though my mom will be disappointed in me, i really want to do this because i don’t really know what else to do with my life.” and that was obvious. she even said it to the interviewer. “if i don’t get casted, please at least help me get another chance to prove myself in the future. preferably with sphere, but i’m really fine with any company.” and her mind wanders to another reality, but rather to the negative of it. “if i do get casted, please don’t let my mom be too angry at me. i know i don’t listen to her a lot, but i still love her. i just don’t want her to love me any less…”

“whatever happens, i know it’s for the best and i know you’ll help me get through it,” she thinks her final thoughts before she ends it with an amen and does the sign of the cross in a small subtle way so no one catches her.

…

baek jiyoung looks prettier in person than the pictures she’s seen of her. and with the fact that she is the ceo of sphere entertainment, it makes her all the more intimidating. she couldn’t help but feel as if she was in the presence of a literal queen. and this queen is responsible for the groups that she’s listed on her form. a part of her wonders if she’s seen that part of the form and if she did, that would certainly be a story to tell.

but she has to move her fangirling aside. this is an audition here. she needs to impress baek jiyoung and there’s no way she’s going to do that if she continues acting like a fangirl. she needs to act cool, even up to the dancing. of course, she’ll slip in bits of her personality here and there.

she feels pressure just from the gaze of the judges and the camera recording her, mentally telling herself to relax. she bows to the panel of judges. “hello, my name is kang mina,” she introduces herself, stating the obvious but it’s only to be polite. “today, i’m here to audition for sphere entertainment with me dancing and singing to really don’t care by demi lovato.” after she finishes, she gives a nod to the person who had her audio and gets into position, mentally calming herself down and trying to get into the mood.

it’s her first time dancing and singing in front of a crowd. to be honest, she was always used to doing the former. she only ever danced and sang when she was either alone or it’s kept in her memories from when she was a child. even if the song is in english, the language she always found most comfortable speaking in, this is still something new to her.

however, the thing about dancing is she feels the coolest when dancing for everyone else to see. the learning process for dances is difficult, she won’t deny. sometimes she dreads doing moves over and over again, but she has to in order to get them right. and once she gets it all down for the first time mixed in with facial expressions that display not only her mood but her confidence, she feels more powerful than she did before. so even if she didn’t have the most amazing voice, she hopes the judges at least acknowledge how passionate she was in dancing as well as her effort with singing.

the last time she’s performed was for speak up in may. she remembers how she was scared that she’d look awkward, considering it’s been a while since she’s actually danced in front of people at the time. but when it was her turn to dance to choreographies that she was taught, she doesn’t remember anything else but the absolute joy she felt doing it.

and even now, she finds herself smiling naturally as she performs, her nerves slightly bothering her less even with the people watching her. funny enough, it made her care less than she did before. of course she still wanted to impress the judges, but she’s confident enough that they’ll acknowledge it. and hopefully don’t get the wrong idea with the title of the song, since she did care about it enough to want to be casted. 

there were many reasons as to why she chose this song. one being the fact that this choreography looked challenging to learn and she was right when she found herself being both frustrated whilst learning it. however, the feeling of achievement is wonderful when she does moves that she never thought she’d be able to pull off. she didn’t know too much about waacking, other than the fact that it was a style she taught herself how to do whenever she could since she was sixteen. she knew it wasn’t something she was totally confident with, but when she sees herself do it in the mirror, she couldn’t help but be in awe that she did that.

not to mention, the entire dance matched with the song was something mina could imagine herself doing. she’s never had an ex-significant other (and with soobin, she doesn’t plan to), but she didn’t need a past relationship to understand the message of independence in this song. she remembers how twelve-year-old mina would often find herself smiling whenever she heard this song on the radio station, feeling as if she was on top of the world whenever she heard it. and whenever she was at home, she’d find herself listening to more of the demi album. even if she wasn’t really a fan of her anymore, she couldn’t help but have fond memories of that album and listening to this song even now brings her nostalgia.

it was fun. it was lively. it was her.

with good memories and her love of dancing, it was easy for mina to be with the music. she moves to each beat and tries her best to sing along with it, saving herself from singing the high “oh, oh, oh”’s in the chorus just so she could breathe. 

the rest of the chorus continues and she feels herself let go. she’s already young, but just singing along with the instrumental takes her back to a time where she didn’t have to worry about her future that much. sure, time then wasn’t perfect either. but the fond memories of vancouver enter her mind as she dances until the very end. her dancing slows down as she squat-kneels to the ground, eventually reaching the last “oh, oh, oh”’s on her knees with chest pumps. 

the song comes to an end as she gets to the final position of the dance, sitting on the ground on beat. “i really don’t care,” she sings while tilting her head to the side with a wink that feels natural now that she was performing. the song comes to an end and after a few seconds for the room to take it in, she stands up and bows to the panel. after expressing her thanks, she exits the studio, still trying to get off the high of performing.