#2019summerupdate

Finally, the last post. I apologize for writing the Sussex equivalent of War and Peace, but I had a lot of stuff to cover, guys.

I covered the Vogue debacle in the last post, but #PlaneGate deserves it’s own post. It started with a couple of quotes from Harry about  “unconscious racism,” “two children,” and “every footstep counts.”

The racism quotes annoyed people who remembered Harry’s “paki” and Nazi costume days.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/royal-family/2019/07/30/prince-harry-warns-dangers-unconscious-racism-candid-interview/amp/?__twitter_impression=true

https://twitter.com/phildampier/status/1156200926857846784?

But it was the environmental scolding that grabbed the spotlight. Particularly since Harry attended the now-infamous Google Camp that gave rise to PlaneGate.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7345369/Prince-Harry-stayed-gas-guzzling-super-yacht-Googles-green-summit.html

Then DM reminded everyone that Meghan had a trans-continental $500k baby shower by filing a FOIA request asking for documents regarding her US security. I find that absolutely hilarious. The DM filed a FOIA request, lolololololol.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7323039/Meghan-Markle-snuck-baby-shower-avoid-optics-attention-seeker.html

The documents reveal that she snuck out of her hotel to avoid giving the impression she was enjoying the media attention. She was concerned about the “optics” and wanted to “at least give the impression she was attempting to sneak out.” This is such a bizarre little window into Meghan’s mind. “At least give the impression…” It reminds me of the pre-engagement articles where she leaked that Jason Knauf and ELF asked her to stop smiling during her pap pics because it made people think she was enjoying the attention.

The Sun then revealed Harry’s pedicure addiction.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/9653074/prince-harry-meghan-markle-pedicures-massages/

Someone found a pic of Meghan “Didn’t Know Much About the Royal Family” Markle posing with a Kate mag.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-7357173/Meghan-Markle-poses-Kate-Middleton-magazine-cover-two-years-met-Prince-Harry.html

And, finally, and most importantly methinks, poll numbers came out with Meghan going down in popularity. She went down 6% as did Harry. The Queen is now the most popular royal with Harry dropping to second place. He only has a 1% lead over Will. Kate stayed the same.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-7360691/Kate-Middleton-trumps-Meghan-Markle-YouGov-popularity-poll.html

#PlaneGate, however, did not go away. In fact, it intensified when the eco-warrior couple proceeded to travel to Spain in private planes. It was a birthday trip for Meghan, and came as surprise to everyone since the Sussexes had claimed that her birthday would be celebrated at home.

https://www.vanityfair.com/style/2019/08/harry-meghan-private-jet-hypocritical

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/9744378/meghan-markle-prince-harry-private-jet-french-riviera-ibiza/

https://observer.com/2019/08/prince-harry-meghan-markle-ibiza-secret-vacation-travel-archie-royal-family-trip/

They stayed at a neighborhood known as the billionaire’s playground.

https://metro.co.uk/2019/08/18/inside-billionaires-playground-ibiza-villa-stayed-harry-meghan-10590889/

I have to admit that I loved this trip, for all the wrong reasons. When Will and Kate’s vacation was announced Meghan’s fans started saying that Mustique had an unsavory reputation because of Margaret’s antics. I was very amused by the fact that the Sussexes ended in tacky “billionaire’s playground” Ibiza and Andrew quickly followed them.

Mind you, at this point there was random bitching over the jets, but it wasn’t over-the-top. Harry’s “every footstep” post got some heat, but the outrage didn’t go nuclear until they took another trip to Elton John’s villa in Nice. That’s when, as they say, the doo-doo really hit the fan.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7367785/Duke-Duchess-Sussex-SECOND-private-plane-two-days-just-48-hours-Ibiza-holiday.html

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7369395/Pictured-Moment-Harry-Meghan-took-private-jet-flight-South-France.html

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/9744378/meghan-markle-prince-harry-private-jet-french-riviera-ibiza/

That made it SIX private plane trips in only 11 days and it was just too much. The total carbon usage for the trips was six times that of the yearly consumption of the average Briton.

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-49408915

The DM posted pics of the jet.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7383097/Inside-Prince-Harry-Meghan-Markles-private-jet.html

Elton John quickly came out and defended the Sussexes, claiming he had paid for the trip and the offsets. He also brandished the Diana card on behalf of the Sussexes. This, imo, only added fuel to the fire.

https://twitter.com/eltonofficial/status/1163479330632142848

Scobie followed suit claiming the Ibiza trip was also carbon neutral because they used Net Jets.

https://twitter.com/scobie/status/1163487688827330561

I don’t think Scobie realized that this made things even worse because Net Jets is not, as described in some outlets, “Uber for planes.” Net Jets is a fractional ownership service. If they are Net Jets members that means that they “own” an interest in a jet fleet and use private jets, well, a lot. They don’t just have their own subscription, but they also use jets of friends like Elton and the Clooneys. That’s a lot of jet hopping.

https://stories.forbestravelguide.com/how-to-fly-private-jets-with-netjets

Which explains why Meghan went all out asking her celeb friends for help. She REALLY likes the jets and she’s not giving them up without a fight.

Ellen, Pink, Jameella Jamil, Jessica Mulroney, Nacho Figueras and a host of other celebrites followed suit, all following the same “racist bullying” script. Clearly, Megs sent a mass email and told everyone what to say. It was KP statement 2.0, with the same “character assassination” wording and everything. The celebs were rallied in her defense in the same way that the royals were rallied to her defense in 2016.

I know I may be reaching too much, but the parallels to the big events in her royal rollout are amazing, The royal engagement ring was Hollywoodized, she did a “Fab Four”-like event with Bey and Jay-Z,  and she had a celeb version of the KP statement. Instead of a royal rollout, she had a celebrity roll-out. She even wore jeans to Wimbledon, just like she wore jeans to that first Invictus Game with Harry. LOL, remember how she sat with the plebs back then and hugged the kids and gave them presents? Meggy doesn’t do that anymore.

BTW, Jessica was conspicuously quiet when her network made comments about George. Everyone is showing their true colors now.

https://www.harpersbazaar.com/celebrity/latest/a28751429/celebrities-defend-prince-harry-meghan-markle-attacks/

I think it’s interesting that back in July, Andrew Morton came out saying that Meghan was cultivating celebrity friends so she could use them as “mouthpieces.” That definitely seems to be the case. I wonder how he found this out. LA rumors.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7367785/Duke-Duchess-Sussex-SECOND-private-plane-two-days-just-48-hours-Ibiza-holiday.html

So when Beyonce and Jay-Z did their awards speech in front of Meghan’s portrait was that the quid pro quo for the Lion King premiere? They’ll do an event or post on IG, but only if the celeb promises to defend them in public and follow a script? And the celeb then has to organize and fund vacations and baby showers for the Sussexes? That seems to be what’s happening.

The celebrity Greek chorus did not work, however, and even the lefty Guardian cautioned the Sussexes that carbon offsets are not all that and they should make better choices.

https://www.theguardian.com/environment/shortcuts/2019/aug/20/why-carbon-offsetting-is-not-the-panacea-harry-and-meghan-might-think-it-is

They seem to be right. Carbon offsets may actually cause more damage, which is truly depressing.

https://features.propublica.org/brazil-carbon-offsets/inconvenient-truth-carbon-credits-dont-work-deforestation-redd-acre-cambodia/

The Independent followed suit wondering, ever so gently, if the woke duke and duchess were all bark and no bite with regards to the environment.

https://www.independent.co.uk/environment/prince-harry-meghan-markle-flying-climate-change-carbon-offsetting-elton-john-a9072006.html

Although some of their columnists were not so polite. This article waves away the celebrity outrage and doubles down on the hypocrisy charges, flatly concluding that “if they were passionate about the environment, they would cut down on their flight time.”

https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/prince-harry-meghan-markle-private-jet-climate-change-elton-john-ellen-a9071366.html

Then bloody Greenpeace chimed in, firmly saying that carbon offsetting wasn’t enough.

https://metro.co.uk/2019/08/20/elton-john-carbon-offsetting-meghan-harrys-flight-no-solution-greenpeace-says-10602300/

If your “racist bullying” claims are too stupid to convince rabid race cheerleaders like the Guardian and the Independent, that’s it. Game’s over. Best call it a day because you are toast, baby.

Oh, we were also informed that the Sussexes asked for living quarters in Windsor Castle. There were tons of rumors that this was the case around the time of the engagement and now they have been confirmed. No one was shocked about this, but I do confess some residual surprised at the fact that this woman arrived in a flurry of controversy and immediately started demanding huge tiaras and castles. She really is something special, isn’t she?

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/802d7934-c12a-11e9-9c7a-44d1639b233d?

The last gasp of Sussex support came in the form of fake outrage over the supposed lack of Andrew/Epstein coverage.

https://www.vanityfair.com/style/2019/08/why-cant-prince-andrew-get-the-same-tabloid-scrutiny-meghan-markle-does

I have no clue where those fans and reporters live because I barely pay attention to Andrew (because eew) and I still know that  he rode in the Queen’s car after Epstein’s suicide, the DM published pics of him in Epstein’s mansion, he left Balmoral in disgrace with Fergie and ended up in not-at-all-unsavory Ibiza, he issued a ridiculous statement condemning Epstein, he is rekindling his romance with Fergie, and he was seen getting a foot massage at Epstein’s mansion. I don’t know how Andrew’s antics could possibly get more coverage. Oh, wait. I know. If Elton John came out defending Andrew’s pedo foot massage that would definitely get PA more coverage, and if Pink and Ellen followed suit that would make an even bigger splash. There you go, Megs. You want more Andrew coverage? Send an email to your friends and voila. If you get Oprah to stand up for pedo foot massages (hey, she defended Michael Jackson), everyone will instantly forget about your private plane.

I really  feel for that Blind Gossip source who ranted about the “self-inflicted” pr wounds. These two are too stupid to recognize that they are causing most of the damage.

Even Omid was having trouble defending the plane in his Royal Box sugar fest.

https://keepingupwiththebananadramas.tumblr.com/post/187210394367/talkingtarot-the-best-soap-opera-ever-this#notes?

The Cambridges were then hilariously spotted taking a cheapo mass flight to Balmoral. LOLOLOLOLOL.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7383133/Prince-William-wife-Kate-Middleton-children-seen-boarding-budget-flight-Scotland.html

https://www.thedailybeast.com/prince-william-and-kate-middleton-show-meghan-markle-and-prince-harry-the-right-way-to-fly

Meghan’s fans are saying that this was Will throwing his brother under the bus, and I really wish they were the case because I need more Cambridge bitchiness in my life. Alas, it seems the arrangement were made months ago and the choice of airline is simply because Will is a cheapskate with a “normality” fetish and he takes budget airlines every chance he can.

https://twitter.com/chrisshipitv/status/1164580797854158848

https://finance.yahoo.com/news/why-does-prince-william-love-174901761.html

Here’s a cute story about Will and his friends eating nachos during an O’Hare layover.

https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/ct-xpm-2014-05-02-chi-prince-william-and-friends-munched-on-nachos-during-ohare-layover-20140502-story.html

And this article has a hilarious clip where Melanie Bromley jokingly asks “couldn’t they just this once take a private plane so Meghan and Harry don’t look so bad?”

https://www.express.co.uk/news/royal/1169270/Kate-Middleton-news-Meghan-Markle-Prince-Harry-William-plane-travel-Royal-Family-latest

The Sussexes aren’t going to Balmoral in August. It’s just the Cambridges with the rest of the family. Gee, I wonder what the dinner conversation topic will be?

https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/9777394/kate-middleton-prince-william-flybe-balmoral-prince-harry-meghan-markle/

They are supposedly going in September. We’ll see about that. This may end up as a “let’s don’t and say we did” occasion.

The Cambridges were spotted with the Queen at Balmoral.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7388123/Prince-William-Kate-Middleton-royals-join-Queen-Balmoral.html

And the Royal Foundation was officially split. Good freaking riddance.

https://www.express.co.uk/news/royal/1168892/meghan-markle-prince-harry-kate-middleton-prince-william-royal-rift-the-royal-foundation

It  turns out the Sussexes are “shunning” all royal advisors and relying on Meghan’s yoga teacher mum. That would explain a lot.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-7367657/TALK-TOWN-Doria-REAL-power-Meghans-throne.html

Which is surely welcome news to the new “historic” all-female” staff they hired for the new Foundation. I bet those new high-flying ad execs and ambassadors they hired are looking forward to taking orders from yoga teacher mum.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/royal-family/2019/08/22/duke-duchess-sussex-appoint-media-executive-named-influential/

https://www.harpersbazaar.com/celebrity/latest/a28763383/prince-harry-meghan-markle-royal-household/

In typical Sussex fashion the foundation rollout is a mess with people switching jobs back and forth. I’m going to wait until the dust settles to figure out what’s going on in there. I’m not going to bother learning any names as I expect several “personal reasons that have nothing to do with the Sussexes” and “she loved her time with Sussex Royal and just wanted to spend more quality time with her cacti” exits by Christmas.

https://twitter.com/byEmilyAndrews/status/1164601446047899648

But they need to get that stuff figured out because Harry and Meghan now hope to ride out the #PlaneGate storm by focusing on work. Harry has rugby and, since the celebrity intervention was a complete disaster, Meghan decided to pivot back to her charity work, posting some sad sack cupcake messages on IG and adding some excrutiatingly forced word salad about the psychological benefits of baking. Bananagram 2.0 AND Crap Vogue Essay 2.0 because these two never, ever learn.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B1d4fMTlsX-/

The post got such a negative response, they had to turn comments off. You can still comment on the previous post, which included a Desmond Tutu quote about doing “a little bit of good” that mirrored Harry’s much-criticized “every footprint” comments. These two truly do not realize the mess they are in. (Update: comments on the cupcake post are back on)

https://www.instagram.com/p/B1WbUdPl3B4/

https://www.express.co.uk/news/royal/1169234/meghan-markle-prince-harry-private-jet-sussex-royal-instagram

She also posted a “sneak peek” at her charity capsule collection. The clip was a series of videos of Meghan posing and fake-laughing and it didn’t really show any clothes, but I think I saw the back of a trademark black bathrobe, so I can’t wait for this new trainwreck to hit. Given her horrid judgment during her Vogue engagement I expect the “office wear” collection to feature skin-tight pleather pants and “Touch My Butt and Feed Me Pizza” t-shirts.

https://www.harpersbazaar.com/celebrity/latest/a28775569/meghan-markle-smart-works-collection-video/

The message from the Sussexes is that Meghan is “unfazed” by the controversy (Lol, that’s right. She sent out a mass email to her celeb friends asking for public statements of support because she was so completely unbothered by the coverage. Riiiiiiiiiiight). She is “moving on and riding above the storm” because she is sure it will all “blow over.”

https://www.vanityfair.com/style/2019/08/meghan-markle-smartworks-instagram-story-private-jet

And she “couldn’t look happier.” LOLOLOLOL.

https://www.harpersbazaar.com/celebrity/latest/a28775569/meghan-markle-smart-works-collection-video/

I guess she hadn’t read the BS Weekly feature on how “discouraged” she is  because expect her to meet the “very high standards” set by Kate. LOLOLOL.

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/entertainment/celebs/a28791395/meghan-markle-discouraged-high-standard-kate-middleton/

Or the Cindy Adams column claiming that the brf is desperately trying to ship her to Africa.

https://pagesix.com/2019/08/21/prince-harry-and-meghan-markle-may-relocate-to-africa/

Or the Celebitchy post that let it slip that they are hearing divorce rumors.

https://www.celebitchy.com/632117/the_sussexes_might_get_shipped_to_africa_as_their_semi-permanent_home/

I’ve been predicting a 2020 divorce pretty much since the engagement, but this is the first time I’ve seen even a hint of it in the gossip sphere. So far it has appeared twice, in Blind Gossip and now in Celebitchy.

And Meghan’s blockheaded obliviousness could not be more obvious.  Everyone sees a problem except the Sussexes. They are acting like the fashion capsule is “what  matters” as if it were the charity initiative to end all charity initiatives instead of a unnecessarily convoluted way to donate office clothes whose main aim is to give Meghan her Reitman’s fashion collection back.

https://twitter.com/scobie/status/1164515549013053440

Girl, it’s not going to blow over. This mess even hit my work twitter, with non-royal watchers comparing the carbon offsets to Papal indulgences.

Being recognized as a hypocrite is deadly for a public figure. Meghan bluffed her way into this position because she had some fantastic pr tying her childhood school project to her feminist celebrity fauxtivism. Likewise, Harry’s “hero prince” pr,  war service, and veteran charity work earned him enormous goodwill.  All of that pr work is now circling the drain because their newly-found passion for environmental causes appears woefully insincere and this brings all their prior commitments into question. You can be a feminist or a champion of war veterans and use private jets willy nilly. You can be an animal conservation activist and rely on iffy carbon offsets. However, like the Independent columnist said, you can’t be passionate about environment damage and go circling the world in private jets.  You can’t believe that every act counts no matter how small, and then handwave your carbon footprint away.

It’s not just the jets though. It’s the spending, dodging royal responsibilities in the name of privacy, embracing celeb events, transparent vanity projects etc… It all adds up and it’s particularly damaging for the Sussexes because this is what everyone suspected was going to happen when Harry’s Hollywood girlfriend timed her relationship leak to gain publicity for her Reitman’s capsule collection. The brf put out insane amounts of pr trying to convince people that these two wouldn’t go Hollywood and it worked for a while, but Harry and Meghan have now thrown it all out. It’s becoming more and more clear that these two care more about fame than about charity or the monarchy and that their “philanthropy” is not so much a vocation as a convenient source of celebrity connections, taxpayer moneys, freebies, and vanity projects like safaris, documentaries, cookbooks, magazine editing gigs, and fashion collections.

The brf is now divided into good royals like the Queen, PC and Will and Kate, and “unfotunate” royals like Andrew, Fergie, Zara (because of the Chinese tycoon shenanigans). Harry and Meghan as firmly in the “unfortunate royals” camp.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7388123/Prince-William-Kate-Middleton-royals-join-Queen-Balmoral.html

And Meghan must know she has a problem because she is playing the ultimate Diana card. The is making an “emotional pilgrimage” to Diana’s grave at Althorp with Archie this month. This my friends, is Diana carding of epic proportions.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7388591/EDEN-CONFIDENTIAL-Meghan-make-emotional-pilgrimage-Princess-Dianas-burial-place.html

The cynicism is beyond belief, but, hey, they have good reason for it. Things have “blown over” before and the Di card, which they’ve wielded freely since the 2016 KP statement has worked beautifully for them.  I can see why they feel so certain it will work again.

Onwards and Upwards. This post will start with the Lion King premiere. This, I think, was supposed to be the Sussex crowning moment, at least in their eyes. The event that would officially certify their membership in the celebrity stratosphere. The fabled meeting with Bey.

https://www.express.co.uk/videos/6059301064001/Meghan-Markle-and-Prince-Harry-greet-fans-at-Lion-King-premiere

Her fans hailed this as the second coming of celebrity Jesus with tons of squeeing about Meghan meeting the “real” queen. I wonder how that went down at palace.

Meghan even obliged Queen Bey by merching her favorite jewelry designer, who apparently copied another designer. Sigh. The earrings are some of the ugliest pieces of ornamentation I have ever seen and I do not understand why anyone would copy them.

https://www.harpersbazaar.com/celebrity/latest/a28412196/meghan-markle-lorraine-schwartz-earrings/

http://www.meghansmirror.com/special-feature/the-great-meghan-earring-mystery/

Personally, what struck me about this event was how eager Meghan and Harry were to play second fiddle to the Carters. They were clearly the second-tier opening act and seemed absolutely fine with it. It really shows what they think of their position and it reminded me of their fawning behavior during that first Fab Four Christmas walk.  I guess they are hoping for a new “Fab Four.”

The outing did not go down so well on the press, with people noting that Meghan’s work-free maternity leave seemed to apply only to royal events like the Trump visit, the D-day anniversary and the Commonwealth Youth Summit, and did not seem to apply to events with American baseball players and celebrities like Serena and Beyonce.

https://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=12249793

At this point Meghan and Harry’s celeb rep was cemented. The process wouldn’t be completed until August, when, among other things, her was statue was moved to Madame Tussaud’s “glitzy A-List Party Room,“ but essentially the deed was done and Meghan had officially morphed from pseudo-royal to celeb. I love the language of the Madame Tussaud’s release: “reunited with her celeb pals,” “celebrity royalty,” “more-familiar celebrity circle.” LOLOLOLOLOL.

https://www.madametussauds.com/london/en/latest-news-and-about/latest-news/meghans-mingling-with-the-a-listers/

You can tell things are bed when they start trotting out articles about how much the Queen loves her and how much advice and guidance she is showering on her wayward granddaughter-in-law. Mind you, all of this bonding and guidance was supposed to happen during Meghan’s Balmoral Christmas weekend, which of course didn’t actually happen.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/9581644/queen-meghan-markle-balmoral-visit-advise-things-done-better/

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-7289071/Queen-advise-Meghan-avoid-PR-blunders.html

The next drama was over attempts to regulate their neighborhood and limit interactions with their neighbors. Facing an uproar, BP spun it by saying the “commandments” came from an “overzealous palace official.” That’s the second person who gets thrown under the bus by the Sussexes.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/9594704/meghan-markle-prince-harry-archie-list-neighbours/

https://twitter.com/byEmilyAndrews/status/1155151525972520962?

Then they announced she would guest edit Vogue as part of a “Royal Sussex” brand launch.

https://www.express.co.uk/news/royal/1158482/meghan-markle-vogue-guest-editor-prince-harry-royal-sussex-royal-charities-royal-news-late

That article has a neat little E! video embedded where Melanie Bromley wonders, in her polite British way, WTF these two are doing. I had the same question at this point. I know it gets buried under all the drama, but this—Beyonce, Vogue, the capsule collection—was their big “brand” launch. The Vogue editorship, in particular, was their statement as Brand Royal Sussex. This is who they think  they are. This is how they want to be perceived.

It boggles the mind. I agree with Melanie Bromley. Why would anyone do this to their image? I saw a lot of people comparing the Vogue issue to the Tig, but the Tig was better written than this because she had the lion necklace guy and the Pilates teacher friend ghostwriting and bucketloads of consultants. This is just plain embarrassing.

https://www.vogue.co.uk/article/meghan-markle-editors-letter-september-2019-issue

https://www.vogue.co.uk/article/michelle-obama-duchess-of-sussex-interview-2019

Kudos to Nina Cowne and her team for either ghostwriting or heavily editing the “How To Be Both” and “I Am Not An Other” essays. They clearly had a lot more input than anyone gave them credit for. Left to her own devices, Meghan’s writing is atrocious in a hilarious detached-from-reality way. You feel as if you were reading a pretentious  cupcake treatise written by one of equines from My Little Ponies, not Twilight Sparkle but one of the dumb ones.

As in all of Meghan’s writing, the first think that leaps out is the use of “I.” Even he Michelle Obama interview is full of I’s and deals mostly with issues that concern Meghan (motherhood, mostly). The thing fairly oozed self-righteousness and holier-than-thouness along with a healthy helping of surreality (A gourmet meal? Mermaids?).

I love that couture-mad Meghan, who by her own admission hunted down Robert Ennis and practically forced him to give her the issue, desperately wants to be seen as someone who is much deeper and thoughtful than the usual Vogue editor or reader. She’s philosophical. She’s lofty. She’s much too deep for the usual Vogue fashion stuff and she will teach the superficial Vogue audience how to manage “deeper waters.” She will elevate the shallow Vogue-reading masses. I don’t know about you, but this right here was the highlight of my summer. It’s hilarious.

Girl, who do you think you are kidding? As a member of the brf (technically, at this point, but still) you have a long list of artistic, scientific, philanthropic, and historical organizations and institutions you could work with AND YOU CHOSE VOGUE. Your other partnerships are with fashion, cookery, and pet care organizations. The other royals are sponsoring historical, horticultural, artistic, and scientific initiatives. Kate is dealing with child development specialties and Will had an internship with an intelligence agency. PC is an authority on restoration and organic farming. You, on the other hand,  are “styling” unemployed women and sharing your avocado toast (no cooking required!) recipes. You are not the Foucault of the royal family.

To think that I used to laugh at Pippa Tips. Little did I know.

Amusing though the issue was, it was generally not well-received.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7295371/JAN-MOIR-cause-Meghan-Markle-supporting-Foundation.html

From the catty “boastful” and “two children” comments to the lefty celeb honorees (mostly US), inane name dropping, and plagiarized cover, the thing was a complete disaster. The “beautiful meal” comparison and mermaid quotes, in particular met with vicious scorn.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7296215/Vogue-issue-guest-edited-Meghan-Markle-looks-like-Australian-book-helped-produce.html

https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/9607832/meghan-markle-shun-queen-vogue-september/

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/9604028/meghan-markle-blasted-politics-left-wing-trump-celebs-vogue/

https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/9665193/meghan-markle-vogue-royal-rite-passage-opinions-shouldnt/

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7298003/PIERS-MORGAN-Meghans-shamelessly-hypocritical-Vogue-stunt.html

https://mol.im/a/7298911

https://talkradio.co.uk/news/opinion-meghan-markle-being-mixed-race-does-not-exempt-her-critique-19080231808

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/9612183/meghan-markle-put-leftie-pals-on-vogue-cover-heres-who-she-should-have-picked-instead/

https://mol.im/a/7298911

My favorite takedown, however, was the one from the recovering stan reporter who wondered if the editorial had been written in pink glitter pen, and regretfully concluded that Meghan was a California “knucklehead” with zero self-awareness.

https://thenewdaily.com.au/entertainment/celebrity/2019/08/02/meghan-markle-problem-vogue/amp/

If you want more info about the contents of Meghan’s super-deep non-superficial issue (Thousand-dollar breathing workshops! Beach body haikus! Meghan’s favorite facialist and her gong therapy shop!) the DM had a rundown.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7303125/Meghan-Markles-guide-life-love-universe-revealed-Vogue.html

There were some compliments for the diversity of the issue, but even that wasn’t that noteworthy. Most of the honorees had been featured on plenty of magazine covers (including solo Vogue UK covers!) before. Even lefty Guardian called it “on trend.”

https://amp.theguardian.com/uk-news/shortcuts/2019/jul/29/why-meghan-markles-vogue-is-bang-on-trend

And the level of activism wasn’t enough for the leftier folks, which really is the crux of Meghan’s dilemma. She’s too woke for the royals and monarchists,  not woke enough for the activists, and not smart enough to effectively straddle the middle ground.

https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2019/08/meghan-markle-vogue-radical-royalty/595288/

Oh, to top it all off, the profits of the issue do not go to charity. The charities only  get “exposure,” which is the same thing the for-profit gong workshop and facialist get. LOLOLOLOLOL.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7302207/Proceeds-Meghans-Vogue-edition-NOT-charity.html

That explains why Luminary Bakery and the other charities started frantically posting Meghan’s fauxlligraphy notes, generic notebook gifts, and birthday cake. Press is all they get out of this.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B0obHDxnYRL/

https://www.harpersbazaar.com/celebrity/latest/a28665871/meghan-markle-birthday-cake-photos/

BTW, if Luminary gave her a free birthday cake in exchange for press, do the gong therapy and celebrity facialist provide free services in exchange from press? And what does Salma Hayek (or, more accurately, her billionaire luxury-goods tycoon husband) “gift” the Sussexes in exchange for being honored as a “Force of Change”? Inquiring minds want to know because Meghan’s  “charity” endeavors are starting to look a lot like tithing. Ten percent of the benefit goes to the charity, and 90% goes to Meghan.

The lucre aspect went unnoticed, but the “wokeness” of the issue was apparently an issue in the brf

https://www.crazydaysandnights.net/2019/07/blind-item-2_29.html

Which probably explains why we suddenly got leaks about “the truth” behind the split between the princes and the after-wedding “showdown” with Will and Kate.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-7344949/TALK-TOWN-Secret-showdown-split-Fab-Four.html

And leaks about how the palace wasn’t consulted about the Vogue editorship.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/9644324/meghan-markle-first-book-kids-dogs/

https://www.thedailybeast.com/meghans-vogue-issue-goes-down-in-flames

https://www.thedailybeast.com/did-meghan-markles-september-vogue-blindside-buckingham-palace

June was the month of “happy families” and leaks about how close the princes were, but July was the exact opposite. After the Vogue issue came out, everyone was suddenly doing their best Mariah Carey “I don’t know her” impressions.

I particularly appreciated the “showdown” leaks, which explain how Meghan got the Wimbledon appearance with Kate and probably also explain how Meghan got the train ride with HM which was spun as “HM loves Meghan much more than she loves Kate.” They just throw tantrums to get what they want.

There was a blind about how she may not have gotten to choose the names featured in the Vogue issue, but honestly that would make it even worse. How do you lend your royal name to something you have no control over?

https://www.crazydaysandnights.net/2019/07/blind-item-12_30.html

In any case, Meghan’s birthday came and went without a Balmoral birthday party. Shocker.

https://www.harpersbazaar.com/celebrity/latest/a28597125/meghan-markle-38th-birthday-plans-family-day/

The Vogue backlash got so bad that the race card was promptly brandished by Omid and Lainey on behalf of poor, victimized Meghan,

https://twitter.com/scobie/status/1156160866947076097

https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/ellievhall/meghan-markle-vogue-uk-sussex-media-backlash

And the Guardian put up a tepid half-defense,

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/aug/04/meghan-markle-seems-to-mix-with-wrong-people-unlike-other-royals

But people weren’t having it.

https://talkradio.co.uk/news/opinion-meghan-markle-being-mixed-race-does-not-exempt-her-critique-19080231808

https://www.spiked-online.com/2019/07/31/meghan-markle-is-the-worst-kind-of-snob/

https://www.themix.net/2019/08/meghan-markles-best-friend-says-youre-racist-if-you-dont-like-the-duchess/

So Meghan then brandished her own Diana card, by posting a quote on Instagram. LOL, remember when the relationship was leaked and she started to do exactly this kind of passive-aggressive quote posting? Blast from the past.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B08vw-FF5Qa/

The Vogue issue faded from view pretty quick as other celebs came out with their own charity/activism focused magazine editions. Taylor Swift came out as a LGTBQ champion, Angelina Jolie spoke up for strong “maleficent” women, and Serena Williams spoke up for black women in Essence (I’m no longer a Serena fan, but I actually loved that cover, very striking).

Compared to those other celebs, Meghan’s efforts look like weak sauce, imo. Most of her contributions to the issue faded quickly from public view. It probably would have been better for the Sussexes if the whole issue had gone down the memory hole, but alas, some quotes from the magazine were particularly memorable, namely Harry’s quotes about racism and the environment.

Back to “What I Missed When I Took A Summer Break.” My first post was all about how the Sussex spending revelations and the Foundation split started the summer on shaky footing. This post is about how the brf  clearly expected some rough sailing after the split was announced, and they did a massive post-Trooping “happy families” pr drive to smooth over the Cambridge-Sussex divorce. This also set up Harry and Meghan’s late-summer “brand Sussex” launch and signaled that the brf was supportive of their efforts and there were no family conflicts whatsoever.

This is the post that is not going to be in chronological order. The three big events covered in this post are Wimbledon, the christening, and the polo game, but I’m going to start with the Cambridges first because their coverage was more indicative of what the pr drive was supposed to look like, as least as far as the brf was concerned. The poor Sussexes had other ideas as to how to do things. They “went their own way” just as they promised and it did not go well for them.

The brf  pr drive culminated in a “The Truth About their Friendship” cover for People magazine featuring Meghan and Kate. This the message they were communicating. This is what the summer was supposed to look like—bucolic family harmony.

https://people.com/royals/meghan-markle-kate-middleton-are-bonding-over-motherhood-relationship-strengthening/

https://people.com/royals/meghan-markle-kate-middleton-bring-kids-louis-archie-polo-match/

https://www.harpersbazaar.com/celebrity/latest/a28281647/archie-mountbatten-windsor-christening-portraits/

The messaging was that the couples were now “going their own ways” but they still socialized and supported each other. The family pic at the christening, the appearances at Wimbedon and the joint appearances at the polo game were all supposed to signal that, and they mostly did. Unfortunately, said messaging was undermined by the pics, with Meghan sitting as far away from Kate as possible in the christening, little interaction during the polo game, and a surprise Pippa appearance at the Wimbledon royal box.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/9452377/kate-middleton-awkward-archie-christening-photo-fab-four/

Kate’s christening body language mirrored that of the Trooping carriage ride.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/9251078/kate-middleton-tense-carriage-ride-meghan-markle-trooping-the-colour/

But Kate was determined to follow her press script and she fixed her body language problem at Wimbledon with some genius Pippa placement. The press got some pics of Kate “interacting with Meghan” in a relaxed and friendly manner, but I think in most of these Kate is actually talking to Pippa.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/9500171/kate-meghan-wanted-appear-friendly-wimbledon/

Good job, Kate. I think this pr drive was a total win for the Cambridges. Louis stole the show (AGAIN!) with his sunglasses and Kate looked maternal and engaged. Meghan was cleverly designated as a Wimbledon “guest” and not host thanks to Pippa’s presence. Pippa had a huge placement upgrade and I wouldn’t be surprised if “Kate and Pippa at Wimbledon” becomes a new tradition. Kate’s status was also enhanced by her position next to Camilla in the carriage and her trophy-delivering duties.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-7245699/Duke-Duchess-Cambridge-attend-final-day-Wimbledon.html

Also, her faces during that men’s finals nail-biter absolutely won the day.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/9503992/kate-middleton-prince-william-wimbledon-final/

It was a win for the Cambridges all around, imo. The pr drive was so successful that it masked the fact that Will and Kate’s work numbers for the first half of 2019 were unimpressive, to say the least. It’s amazing what good pr can do.

https://twitter.com/RoyalReporter/status/1146931025043513344

https://writeroyalty.com/some-unexpected-surprises-from-six-months-of-royal-work-statistics/

Insert my usual bitching about Kate’s work ethic here. Yes, I love her and, yes, she can prioritize family all she wants, but these numbers have plenty of room to go up. I particularly dislike the fact that most of her appearances are for her own charities, because I think the primary purpose of royal work is the FREAKING ribbon-cutting and the local visits. I want more ribbon-cutting, and I don’t understand why the Cambridges eschew it so much. They are fantastic at it (that visit to Coventry! The boots at the sheep-shearing!) and it should be the mainstay of their Future-Prince-and-Princess-of-Wales pr.

Anyway, back to the scheduled programming. The superhuman efforts involved in the “be nice” pr drive were so exhausting that Kate immediately left for Mustique.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/9527086/kate-middleton-prince-william-mustique-summer-holidays/

And Lorraine Heggesey left the Royal Foundation, to be replaced by Jason Knauf. I died laughing when I saw this. Lorraine  was brought in from the BBC, where she was known primarily as a super-aggressive crisis handler, successfully manouvering cocaine scandals, racism rows, and the like. You get a surprising number of hits when you google “Lorraine Hegessey crises.” As Louis Black says, “it’s good to have a specialty.”

When she was hired in April 2017, I wondered if she’d been brought in primarily to handle Harry and Meghan and I am not one bit surprised that she’s leaving now that Harry and Meghan are gone. What surprises is that Will must have known he had a huge problem almost as soon as Meghan arrived on the scene. He must have started shopping for a new Foundation head in November or December of 2016. He read the handwriting on the wall pretty goshdarned fast.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lorraine_Heggessey

https://rts.org.uk/article/lorraine-heggessey-crises-never-go-away

Now for the other couple. The pr drive did not go so well for the Sussexes. For some bizarre reason they decided to reprise the drama over Archie’s super-secret birth with unnecessary drama about the no-public-access christening. Hence we had another private event, another super-secret certificate and the more withholding of information (namely, the names of the godparents).  Now this kid has a chance of eventually being the Head of the Church of England, so this is actually pretty important information. Hence, this  was the third signal that they are not willing to deal with their responsibilities.

https://www.express.co.uk/news/royal/1152274/royal-privacy-meghan-markle-prince-harry-archie-christening-godparents

There’s no reason for this. It’s just stupid, particularly when you then decide to show up at Wimbledon and drop “godparent clues.”

https://www.express.co.uk/news/royal/1149278/meghan-markle-news-at-wimbledon-serena-williams-latest-godparent-archie-christening-baby

https://twitter.com/rjmyers/status/1146820542202351616?

Or when you reveal the godfather to the freaking Times.

https://www.express.co.uk/news/royal/1150371/archie-christening-prince-harry-meghan-markle-Charlie-van-Straubenzee

Or when you then post the super-private baby’s pic on IG along with a pic with the Queen in order to collect those profitable likes and followers.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BzlHhZylvwT/

Why? You are creating a controversy out of nothing. It’s stupid and unnecessary. You are building enormous press resentment for a couple of social media follows.

https://nypost.com/2019/07/06/meghan-markle-and-prince-harrys-privacy-with-baby-archie-is-royal-ridiculousness/

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/harry-meghan-word-friendly-advice-ahead-secret-christening/amp/?__twitter_impression=true

You’re also embarrassing HM by suddenly having people notice that the brf does not comply with the rules regarding public access to baptism certificates.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/archie-christening-queen-keep-baptism-17480710

https://twitter.com/RoyalReporter/status/1147046748290002944

Kudos to Richard Palmer on tracking this down. That’s the second little tidbit of royal non-transparency revealed this summer. The first one was the way royal expenses are all mushed together so you can’t figure out who is costing how much. I know I rag on Meg and Harry a lot, but I love how their shenanigans mean that “suddenly” people are finding out all this stuff.  I bet this makes them really popular with the rest of the brf, btw. They love transparency, dontchaknow?

And, good heavens, don’t they realize that they look absolutely ridiculous when they insist in a super-private christening with no public access because the baby needs private days after they announce that they will take the baby on a public foreign tour for no reason whatsoever?

https://www.today.com/news/meghan-markle-prince-harry-bring-baby-archie-tour-africa-t157287

Now, I’m writing this in August and we are getting a lot of “Why does the UK press hate Meghan? It must be because they are racist” arguments from the Sussex fans and enablers. Heck to the no. the UK press hates Meghan because they pull shit like this all the time. They mislead reporters. They don’t release information. They release false information. They leak lies through authoritative personnel and reporters rely on it and end up with pie on the face. They refuse press access claiming they are super-private, and then publicize stuff anyway. Then they send their press lackeys and rabid fans after the reporters.

They’ve been doing it since November, 2016 but people put up with it because they expected things would change and the palace rules would eventually be imposed. The romance was also big money, so the hassle was worth. Hence, even thought the Sussexes treated everyone like crap, people mostly put up with it and negative commentary was mostly limited to the DM and the Sun who hated her ever since she singled them out with the KP statement.

Things changed with the drama around Archie’s birth. They embarrassed the BBC and ITV and humiliated veteran reporters, and that changed coverage drastically. They went after the royal reporters and attacked them personally. You didn’t use to see negative articles in The Times and The Telegraph, but now they are routine. Everyone hates them right now, and it’s not racism. It’s because they treat the press like shit. The tabloids are used to having the royals treat them like shit and feel that it comes with the territory, but the mainstream outlets are not used to being treated this way.

It’s worse than racism. It’s deep-seated personal resentment.

Anyway, the christening, which should have been a pr win for the Sussexes became a pr disaster instead.

Wimbledon also turned into  pr disaster because Meghan asked for 40 seats (was there biblical significance here?) to be cleared out for her “party of three” and had her security harass everyone around her during Serena’s match.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/meghan-markle-branded-childish-after-17676634

https://www.express.co.uk/news/royal/1151405/Meghan-Markle-news-royal-Wimbledon-spectator-photograph-security-selfie-tennis

https://www.goodmorningamerica.com/culture/story/duchess-meghan-faces-backlash-wimbledon-security-empty-seats-64214455

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/royal-family/2019/07/08/wimbledon-fans-ordered-not-take-pictures-duchess-sussex-royal/amp/

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/9466606/meghan-markle-wimbledon-phone-row/amp

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/time-meghan-taught-well-known-british-phrase-get-love/

I love that they first tried to spin this as Meghan “wants to engage with people not phone.” LOL, she was rather obviously only “engaging” with her friends. They also kept mentioning that she was there “privately” supporting her celebrity friend, which was unfortunate given that Meghan was steadily building a rep as someone who wanted the fun part of being a royal (i.e., access to celebs) and not the other part.

https://www.crazydaysandnights.net/2019/07/blind-item-8_9.html

Even Lainey called out the palace bullshit.

https://www.laineygossip.com/wimbledon-fans-reportedly-asked-to-not-take-photos-in-meghan-markles-direction/56050

As did Wendy Williams .

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=100&v=j1KlN33VyYk

Oh, and she caught flack for wearing jeans.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/9466606/meghan-markle-wimbledon-phone-row/amp

It was a huge contrast to Kate’s first Wimbledon visit where she wore a white McQueen dress, sat with the fans, let people take pics and videos, and made no fuss.

https://www.goodmorningamerica.com/culture/story/duchess-kate-sits-centre-court-wimbledon-2019-64081613

https://www.hellomagazine.com/royalty/gallery/2019070274843/kate-middleton-wimbledon-live-updates/1/

The weird thing is that I bet Meghan thought she was perfectly emulating Kate’s outing and even improving on it by bringing college friends/potential godparents and dressing in her trademark California Casual wear, and she expected glowing coverage and stories about how much more normal and approachable she was than Kate. She likely didn’t realize that the ridiculous security perimeter and spectator harassment would change the story. She really is oblivious.

The press also contrasted Meghan’s behavior to that of the Queen.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/9472912/queen-behaving-public-meghan-wimbledon-pictures/amp/

Oh, they also had to move the date of the christening because they hadn’t consulted the other royals before scheduling and HM and PC were both busy.

https://www.express.co.uk/news/royal/1149404/Meghan-Markle-latest-news-duchess-of-sussex-prince-harry-royal-family-christening-archie

And, for those of us on #merchwatch, her Wimbledom necklace designer confessed that she gave Meghan the “A” necklace (an another unidentified piece of jewelry) as a present. That’s thousands of dollars in free jewelry.

https://www.hellomagazine.com/fashion/royal-style/2019070575003/meghan-markle-personalised-a-necklace-revealed-wimbledon/

Meghan’s polo outing was also less-than-successful as she was criticized for holding Archie awkwardly.

https://www.express.co.uk/life-style/life/1152312/Meghan-Markle-mummy-shamed-criticised-holding-archie-expert

Even I admit this was a “bitch eating crackers” moment. Now, I claim the uber-BEC crown, but I think this was the point where it became clear that the BEC crowd has grown enormously. Somehow (Was it the celeb sunglasses? Was it the I don’t-dress-for-plebs potato-sack dress? Was it the hypocrisy of claiming privacy over the christening and then showing up for polo pap pics with the baby?) by this point in July Meghan had managed to rub people the wrong way.

The big palace pr drive that was so successful at painting the Cambridges as a normal, down-to-earth family  getting along with other family members and fulfilling royal duties in a dignified-but-modern way had the exact opposite effect on the Sussexes. They were seen as spoilt, spendthrift celebrity wannabes, flouting royal rules and disrespecting HM and PC.

Note that they were already building a “hypocrisy” rep at this point  because the polo posing, social media posting, spotlight seeking, and reliance on the public purse contradicted their loud claims for privacy. #PlaneGate did not spring fully-formed from the head of Zeus in August. It build up during the entire summer.

https://www.cheatsheet.com/entertainment/why-are-prince-harry-and-meghan-markle-being-called-hypocrites.html/

https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/9417879/meghan-markle-prince-harry-archie-privacy-public/

https://www.express.co.uk/news/royal/1147400/Meghan-Markle-news-Prince-Harry-Archie-christening-news-Royal-Family

The polo outing even gave rise to a bizarre rumor that Harry had vanished for 48 hours.

https://www.newidea.com.au/prince-harry-missing-48-hours-meghan-markle-baby-archie-palace-crisis-royal-family-news

At this point, thinks were so pathetic that Piers Morgan, of all people, decided to try and give her some pointers.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7236767/PIERS-MORGAN-Meghans-10-point-guide-popular-Princess.html

And the Times had a scathing editorial where they broke down the rules for Meghan in an “explain like I’m five” kind of way.

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/meghan-is-trying-to-smash-the-royal-familys-contract-with-the-public-we-pay-they-pose-6nl7kbz2c?

And the Blind Gossip source came back to bitch about how Meghan was not following advice and every single mistake was completely self-inflicted. This blind is interesting because it’s clearly a staffer who has simply had it with the Sussexes and how they mess up everything. It’s also the first time this source mentions the d-word, divorce.

https://blindgossip.com/whinging-and-wailing/

Oh, and Pippa’s presence at Wimbledon was spun as the Middletons “supporting” a struggling Meghan. I lol’ed when I saw this. You know your star has crashed to earth when the Middletons, of all people, are “supporting” you. The stans were so irate that Keir had so change his language to “unity” to “reflect what a powerful, smart, independent woman Meghan is.” LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

https://twitter.com/KeirSimmons/status/1150047599929561091

https://twitter.com/KeirSimmons/status/1150421288760107008

Meghan’s response was to throw the security team under the bus, via Omid Scobie, who seems to be morphing into Rodrigo Alves, the Human Ken Doll. Let go of the fillers and botox, Omid!

https://finance.yahoo.com/news/meghan-markle-disappointed-reaction-wimbledon-photos-155311553.html

In a (presumably) completely unrelated development, Mariah Carey wore Meghan’s tiara on the cover of Cosmo.

https://www.fashiongonerogue.com/photo-shoot/mariah-carey-cosmopolitan-cover/

I marvel at the synchronicity of that cover because I do feel that at that moment, Meghan was at a critical juncture in her public perception. The thin veneer of royalty of the Trooping/Christening/Royal Box trifecta was fading before the harsh celebrity wannabe hustling. Piers Morgan is a complete a-hole, but he knows media and he knew that Meghan facing an inflection point in public perception and his list of tips reflected.

So what did Meghan do at this point? She went to the Lion King premiere and hung out with Beyonce.