#2011.2

O Projeto de pesquisa como exercício científico e artesanato intelectual.

Breve resumo sobre o capitulo 2 do livro Pesquisa Social de Suely Ferreira Deslandes, 2007 Fonte

2011 hasn't been a great year for me. Obviously the best thing to happen was meeting Simple Plan and seeing them live. That was definitely the highlight. Other than that I can't say much good came out of this year.

Plenty of good things that were actually bad things in disguise though, like the last Harry Potter movie and reading The Hunger Games.

At least my confidence in my academic abilities has come back since the beginning of the year. I'm going into 2012 confident that I will be able to do well at uni. However, I'm also going into 2012 feeling quite alone.

Emma and I just watched the Christmas episode of Supernatural. She got the box set of seasons 1 to 6. I am so jealous. So very, very jealous. But I have series 5 & 6 of Doctor Who and the Glee concert movie? But seasons 1 to 6 box set!

Oh well, it's okay, I'll buy my own someday and it will have all the seasons. She wanted to watch from the beginning but I convinced her not to. I can't be bothered doing that right now. I didn't sleep too well last night.

I have my Vampirates books now too! I'd start reading but I'm tired. Don't feel like doing anything but playing more worlds in time (:

It's Christmas Eve and we don't even have a tree. Any Christmas decorations at all? Don' think so. I guess the only part of Christmas my family does anymore is the presents and spending the day ~together. I will try to avoid using my laptop tomorrow but idk, I'll probably fail. Should be better than last Christmas though, when Sharon & Ken spent the day locked in their room (if you catch my drift... or so I am guessing) and myself and little Ken went hungry.

Anyway, I'm not particularly excited about tomorrow. Even presents don't seem all that tempting because at the moment all I want to do is play worlds in time. I finished Earth last night. It was pretty exciting. Except now it's even harder finding people to go on interventions with, and there's 2 Earths, the devastated one and the rescued one, and it always brings me to the rescued one first, so it's harder to find people to talk to. I really want to open more of my shards, Emma told me all her good stuff has come from tiny shards, but I've opened 9 shards (most tiny and I think one normal sized shard?) and got nothing good. I am disappointed :\ Maybe I'm just opening the wrong shards....

It would have been a good day if it weren't for two (or three) reasons.

Reason one: I really hate going to knox. All the people are all dressed the same and idk, I just hate it.

Reason two (this is the extra reason): We went to Kmart to buy a Doctor Who poster but they didn't have anymore. And then we were going to get a HP poster but they didn't have any more of those either. And then we were going to get the most amazing poster ever, a 'Keep Calm I'm the Doctor' poster but they didn't have any of those either. Disappointing.

Reason three: I saw Trang & Jennie at Secret Recipe. Pretty sure they were there with Phyllix and one at least one other person who may have been Joanna or Jenny or even Lina. They were there because today is Phyllix's birthday. I didn't stop and talk, more like I rushed past because I didn't want them to see me. I was already in a hurry because Emma and I were going to be late for the movie, but I really didn't want to have to talk to them. Why? Obviously because I wasn't invited. And why would I be? It's not like we're friends. But seriously though, we're not really friends anymore, but I don't need to see it, you know? I don't need to be reminded of the fact that I don't have friends. Yes, I came home, lay on my bed and cried a little. So much frustration and sadness. So many I'm-all-alone, nobody-needs-me, I-have-no-one thoughts.

And to top off my day, I gave Emma THG to read and she's reading it right in front of me and whenever she reacts I just have to know what it is she's reacting to and then it just makes me think about it all again and upsets me. I don't want to think about it, but I have to know, you know?

So, Wednesday morning, around 9AM last week I finished reading Mockingjay. After staying up all night to finish I lay there crying for a while and then went to sleep. Then I woke up about 2 hours later, cried some more, longed for Peeta, and fell back to sleep again. Eventually I woke up again, I think around maybe 3 in the afternoon, cried some more and then thought that I shouldn't sleep anymore so that I'd be able to sleep later that night and I was feeling okay so I got up. I sat next to Emma in the lounge room, she was on her laptop and would talk randomly which helped to keep me away from my thoughts. Then my mum made me food, and Emma stopped talking because she was watching stuff and I couldn't hold it in anymore, so I went into my room and cried.

Honestly, I'm not even sure what I was crying about, I know it was caused by THG, but it was like I was crying about everything all at once (like everything I normally cry about plus THG). And then Emma found me there, slowly eating my pasta with tears running down my face. I kind of had a breakdown. She got my mum and dad and they were all like 'what's wrong?' and such, but all I could say was I don't know and cry more. After that I stopped speaking and just lay on my bed crying for most of the night. And when I say I stopped speaking, I mean I didn't talk again until like Monday. I also made myself sick, I hadn't eaten properly so my stomach was empty but my sinuses were full from the crying and so it all drained into my stomach and I threw up. Well, I did after I'd eaten again.

Yeah, so since then I've been avoiding tumblr, and watching all my favourite shows, and even listening to music (also talking...). I've been too afraid to do any of it and I know why I was afraid because I just saw a THG post on my dash and had a bit of a freak out. But mostly I was just afraid of seeing anything that might make me emotional (in a sad way). And I am still afraid. I'm going to have to take it slow I think.

I seriously regret the way I read the books. I must never read anything that emotional with so little sleep and food again.

We are over our download limit for the month. OVER IT. LIKE FUCKING HELL I TOLD HIM TO STOP DOWNLOADING BECAUSE WE'D ALMOST REACHED OUR LIMIT AND HE KEEPS DOWNLOADING ANYWAY. I AM SO SICK OF THIS. I COULD DEAL WITH THE SLOW INTERNET CONSTANTLY BUT NOW I'M BARELY GOING TO BE ABLE TO USE THE INTERNET FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND THAT IS JUST TOO FAR.

I probably shouldn't even be trying to use it right now because it's just going to put us even more over our limit. Ugh.

Now I can't watch any of my shows until at least Sunday. And probably even then the internet will be too slow for me to d/l or stream them because he'll just be downloading even more shit.