Twilight is not the 0-star picture so many people claim (or want) it to be. If you like it, I can understand why. That said, those who call it a great film are doing so because of their affection for the source material, which itself isn't particularly robust. This is getting overly complicated. Let’s just get to the review.

Seventeen-year-old Isabella “Bella” Swan (Kristen Stewart) moves to the small town of Forks to live with her father, Charlie (Billy Burke). At her new school, she gets along with everyone… except for the enigmatic Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson). The boy seems almost repulsed by her but Bella is drawn to him. As it turns out, he - and his feelings for Bella - aren't what they seem.

There are some undeniable faults in this picture. The performances, for instance. Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have proven themselves strong performances but director Catherine Hardwicke stifles any emotions that might've been present. Not helping is the screenplay by Melissa Rosenberg, which directly quotes the novel by Stephenie Meyer often. You'll find plenty of clunky, overly wordy exchanges, the kind that comes from an author spinning their wheels, trying to buy time before a big reveal three chapters later by busting out their thesaurus and endlessly re-writing the same dialogue until it becomes a garbled mess.

Twilight is also a bit too ambitious for its budget. The special effects aren't convincing. It made me think back to the Smallville pilot, which would've been a good thing was this a TV series or non-theatrical movie, but someone should’ve looked at the fast-motion effects and recognized how silly they looked.

If you’re reading this segment of the review, you know that Edward is a vampire. Not the scary Nosferatu type, but a hundred-year-old glittering, sullen-faced, creature of the night that falls head-over-heels in love with Bella Swan. People will call this ridiculous but this is where I'll defend Twilight. Yes, the glittering thing is dumb, but it’s a detail. Considering every vampire in this film has a different superpower (which is an elegant way of blending the various myths about vampires), you can just pretend that’s Edward’s. I will also stand up for the relationship between the lovers. Bella and Edward have something about them that genuinely WOULD make them a good couple. When Bella comes to school, she’s basically loved by all. The boys want to date her, the girls want to be her best friend. All, except for one guy. Why? because Edward can read minds. No one in the world is a mystery to him. Holding a conversation, even with his fellow vampires is redundant but he can’t hear Bella’s thoughts. She's the only person in the entire world he could sit down and have a chat with.

There’s a germ of a good idea here. It’s the execution that's at fault. Perhaps the source material too. You might have to squint a bit but you can find scenes in the film that are good. The best example is a moment when the Cullens play baseball. It shows them as real “human beings”. People will call the scene where Edward admits that he likes to watch Bella sleep “creepy”, but that’s because he can't express himself well. As a vampire, he doesn’t sleep. He's been forced to live only with his kind and always drifts further away from normal human behavior. He hasn’t seen someone sleep in ages. He’s not “keeping an eye on her” at all times, he’s fascinated by every aspect of this young woman. Many of the interactions Bella has with her friends are charming and Billy Burke does good work with his role.

Twilight is harmless. It will appeal to those who've enjoyed the book and is sure to ensorcell young teenage girls. Unfortunately, the source material's weaknesses shine through, and neither director Catherine Hardwicke nor writer Melissa Rosenberg do much to improve upon it (trust me on that). This makes it nothing special for the rest of us but hardly a plague upon cinema so many people have declared it to be. I don’t see why it’s gotten such strong reactions either way. Perhaps the sequel, New Moon, will make it clearer. (Theatrical cut on DVD, December 9, 2016)

If you didn't see WALL-E or it isn't fresh in your mind, you don’t even know what you are missing. This is an enchanting film. It was one of the year's best when it came out and still resonates just as strongly years later.

Set in the far future, Earth has become a literal dump. Garbage is piled sky high and humanity abandoned the planet centuries ago. On the surface, the only sign of life isn’t alive at all. A tiny robot named WALL-E who has been cleaning up the surface for who knows how long. When a probe comes to determine if the planet has become habitable again, WALL-E is immediately smitten by the robotic EVE.

If you needed more proof of Andrew Stanton and Pixar studios' title as expert filmmakers, this is it. In 2009, District 9 made us sympathize with creepy bugs. One year prior, Wall-E made us believe in a genuine, deep romance between two robots… without using any dialogue. This movie is about more than this relationship, but I want to address it first. Although we are following two mechanical objects, WALL-E and EVE are true, three-dimensional, living, breathing characters. WALL-E is delightfully eccentric. "He" likes music, dancing (well, what a legless droid can pass for dancing), collecting, and is fiercely loyal. There are so many laugh-out-loud moments as the little machine takes a break from his regular duties to sift through humanity’s garbage (often being fascinated by mundane things and tossing away precious objects like they were nothing). You fall in love with the little guy. When he happens upon a new robot, excitement fills your every pore. Will EVE respond with affection? She seems awfully trigger-happy to be a love interest. How will her mission objective impact the story?

This film is more than romantic sequences and big laughs. It’s also a great adventure. There's plenty of tension as our heroes find themselves in unexpected peril - tension made thicker and more nerve-wracking because the characters are so memorable and endearing. It’s also a smart science fiction film that serves as a cautionary tale (the best science fiction stories often do). All of these elements are expertly integrated to feel organic, accessible, and genuinely moving. While Illumination relied on cartoonish villains that even the most “evil” corporate fat cats would recognize as ridiculous, WALL-E uses subtlety and proves a thousand times more effective - even without dialogue.

There's nothing not to like about WALL-E. It has learned from the very best silent films to cut out all the unnecessary dialogue. Instead, it uses its characters' performances, the visuals, and its imagination to say so much more. Its poignant drama, thrills, and laughs give it universal appeal. Even the end credits are spectacular. (On Blu-ray, July 3, 2015)

I’m giving Made of Honor the lowest rating I can. Not because the story is in poor taste or badly made. The performances are fine. It's well shot. I simply can't place this collection of clichés on the same level as even a bad movie.

It’s the story of Tom (Patrick Dempsey), a playboy who will bed anything with a symmetrical face and a pair of breasts. His best friend is Hannah (Michelle Monaghan). They share deserts, have long conversations, hang out all the time, finish each other’s sentences... but wouldn’t dream of dating. Then, Hannah goes on a trip to Scotland where she gets brainwashed by Colin (Kevin McKidd). After just six weeks, she’s agreed to marry him. It won't be long before she moves to go live in his castle in the countryside. Only McDreamy can save the day by taking Hannah up on her offer of being her “Maid of Honor” and sabotaging the relationship. If he can convince her that she doesn’t know anything about the guy and that he doesn’t actually have a personality, maybe HE can marry her instead.

I’m exaggerating but not that much. What kind of intelligent woman decides to abandon her life so she can marry a man she’s known for less than two months? What kind of parents or friends nod in approval when they hear this? The only way this scenario would make sense is if it was set in a post-apocalyptic wasteland and Hannah was the last fertile female on Earth.

There’s nothing new here. The best friend that turns out to be “The one”, the swinging bachelor who collects women until he suddenly has a change of heart and now wants true love, the misunderstanding, the chase to correct the misunderstanding... it’s all here. Even the would-be humor isn’t original. You’ve seen the over-the-top nerd that nobody likes and doesn’t understand anything but always wants to join in conversations before. You’ve seen the creepy “ex-girlfriend” who forces our two leads to pretend they’re in a relationship too. You’ve heard the jokes about haggis, kilts, bagpipes, and funny again and again. No one in this movie acts like a real person. It’s like this entire movie was written in 20 minutes for an exam on hack screenwriting.

It just keeps getting worse and worse the more you think about it. Michelle Monaghan is all wrong as Hannah. She’s too attractive. If she was kind of frumpy, you might believe she was single and also able to evade the attention of a renowned womanizer for ten years... but come on. Even on a bad day, she’s turning heads! There are plenty of other scenes that stretch plausibility to its breaking point. For example, a scene in which Tom and Colin take part in the traditional “Highland Games” to prove the groom is the best there is and therefore worthy of wedding his bride. Why is Tom even participating? Does he actually believe Colin will give up his future wife if he loses? And what’s with the scene in which the camera is placed in a way to make it look like Hannah is giving oral sex to a painting? Is that supposed to be funny?

This project was doomed from the start. Nobody involved even tried. The studio said “Crank out of them rom-coms for the ladies that want to see attractive people get together. Our execs need to buy new houses!” There isn’t a single thing memorable or even good about Made of Honor. (On DVD, June 25, 2015)

I 🩷 Robbie