#sydneypollack

I’m giving Made of Honor the lowest rating I can. Not because the story is in poor taste or badly made. The performances are fine. It's well shot. I simply can't place this collection of clichés on the same level as even a bad movie.

It’s the story of Tom (Patrick Dempsey), a playboy who will bed anything with a symmetrical face and a pair of breasts. His best friend is Hannah (Michelle Monaghan). They share deserts, have long conversations, hang out all the time, finish each other’s sentences... but wouldn’t dream of dating. Then, Hannah goes on a trip to Scotland where she gets brainwashed by Colin (Kevin McKidd). After just six weeks, she’s agreed to marry him. It won't be long before she moves to go live in his castle in the countryside. Only McDreamy can save the day by taking Hannah up on her offer of being her “Maid of Honor” and sabotaging the relationship. If he can convince her that she doesn’t know anything about the guy and that he doesn’t actually have a personality, maybe HE can marry her instead.

I’m exaggerating but not that much. What kind of intelligent woman decides to abandon her life so she can marry a man she’s known for less than two months? What kind of parents or friends nod in approval when they hear this? The only way this scenario would make sense is if it was set in a post-apocalyptic wasteland and Hannah was the last fertile female on Earth.

There’s nothing new here. The best friend that turns out to be “The one”, the swinging bachelor who collects women until he suddenly has a change of heart and now wants true love, the misunderstanding, the chase to correct the misunderstanding... it’s all here. Even the would-be humor isn’t original. You’ve seen the over-the-top nerd that nobody likes and doesn’t understand anything but always wants to join in conversations before. You’ve seen the creepy “ex-girlfriend” who forces our two leads to pretend they’re in a relationship too. You’ve heard the jokes about haggis, kilts, bagpipes, and funny again and again. No one in this movie acts like a real person. It’s like this entire movie was written in 20 minutes for an exam on hack screenwriting.

It just keeps getting worse and worse the more you think about it. Michelle Monaghan is all wrong as Hannah. She’s too attractive. If she was kind of frumpy, you might believe she was single and also able to evade the attention of a renowned womanizer for ten years... but come on. Even on a bad day, she’s turning heads! There are plenty of other scenes that stretch plausibility to its breaking point. For example, a scene in which Tom and Colin take part in the traditional “Highland Games” to prove the groom is the best there is and therefore worthy of wedding his bride. Why is Tom even participating? Does he actually believe Colin will give up his future wife if he loses? And what’s with the scene in which the camera is placed in a way to make it look like Hannah is giving oral sex to a painting? Is that supposed to be funny?

This project was doomed from the start. Nobody involved even tried. The studio said “Crank out of them rom-coms for the ladies that want to see attractive people get together. Our execs need to buy new houses!” There isn’t a single thing memorable or even good about Made of Honor. (On DVD, June 25, 2015)