#2.8.2012

its so small it didn't show up on my MRI. And my prolactin levels are low enough to not cause alarm. Once I start hormones, it should at best shrink it to nothing, and at worst keep it from growing and stop the side effects. I am a bit worried about having kids, because you can't be on the hormone and be pregnant, but this website made me feel better. 

I don't like going through all this crap without him here. When he is next to me, telling me that everything will be alright, even if it won't, is sometimes the only thing that keeps me in one piece. 

We had the worst discussion yesterday, we both thought the other wanted out. It's ok now(I think), but it did nothing to help my nerves. So when I cried in front of my endocrinologist, he looked at me like I was the first to cry about something like this. 

He has only been gone 4 weeks! It feels like 4 months. This time I did get used to him not being in the apartment quicker, but that is probably because my mom has been in and out and I went to NYC for a bit. 

I can't wait to get to Florida, to be around people who care about me, and away from this state that holds nothing and no one for me. Though I am kind of wishing that I could stay, cause of all the hassle, and how much I'll miss this apartment, and quiet time. But it's too late to change my mind. I've been transferred at work, my dad is expecting me to help out at the office for tax season, and everyone is so excited to see me. So I'm not going to bother thinking about changing my mind, because I can't. 

I have a feeling that when he gets home, we are going to get orders to a new base fairly quickly, so there is no point in becoming attached to this place.