#2.23.18

what's in her mug?

Yesterday was so difficult, but I made it through. I am so exhausted from being so upset. shutouts to S (who won’t see this) and @my-adventure-begins-here (who will see this). Y'all are amazing, and I’m so glad I have great friends. Today doesn’t feel great, but it doesn’t feel horrible either. I’m tired and feeling depressed, but I don’t feel any shame, and I’ve been depressed for long enough of my life I can lowkey handle it until it feels neverending (which it doesn’t rn).

Well, I was going to write a poem about; something deep, or emotional, or beautiful,   and hopefully it would be --- poetic. But i got bored. Bored of pretentious expectations for something profound to come out of poem. Bored of pressure to write truths unspoken. I got distracted from overbearing emotions and layers of meaning skewed with syntax, by a light hearted existence. A miraculous creature with one in a million chance of existing in this moment. An instantaneous glimpse at life that is you, that is me, that is an ant crawling across a desk. A moment, so light --- it’s an intangible breeze that blows past us What did you do in that moment? Was it memorable? Impactful? Profound to the truths of the universe? Probably not.   Rather than a grandfather clock, steadfast with his hold on time, life is lived as weightless breath through space But that doesn’t make it any less important Forgettable seconds like this, and this, and even this one too, still matter accumulate i n  t   o You who you are, at this moment who you will be in the next and who you want to be as your moments tick away so reshishin your bus rides that force you to do nothing but sit and meditate on your day indulge in that extra piece of cheesecake that you've been eyeing from across the room finally eat that bruising banana you said you would finish yesterday let go of your frustration towards the drive through voice who got your one item order wrong you wont remember any of this in a year you wont remember most of this in a week but it still adds up just as a breeze collects in sails moments collect in you