#1stliar

mirren takes cadence's hand into her own, encouraging her with a delicate squeeze of the hand - one that can only come from someone who is no longer earthly, but otherworldly. she has had a year to sit with the truth, all the things she would no longer have a chance to do. she watched as the littles and the moms dealt ( did they really? ) with their deaths. nothing was easy. and there was an additional heaviness in the air as the rest of the liars waited for cady to remember. remember the pain, the loss, the grief. but no matter what, mirren knew she would be there when she did.

﹙ *  ♚  ﹚▌▌ ❝   hate you?   ❞ penny repeats. the words fall like acid rain from her mouth, AS IF THE DISDAIN FROM THEIR SENTIMENT ALONE IS ENOUGH TO BURN. her nose scrunches. horrified confusion contorts her expression as an ache emerges thunderously in the crux of her core. she has made a lot of mistakes in her life. the mirrors are all jagged, some even turned around, & every wine glass in the house has had its stem imprinted on her right hand with a force to be reckoned with. but out of all of her mistakes, she never thought subjecting cadence to even the idea that she could be hated BY HER would be one of them. ❝   i could never hate you, cadence.   ❞ OF COURSE SHE DOESN'T KNOW, she thinks. cadence couldn't understand the war of a mother that pounded battle drums next to her beating organ in cadence's very own name because well, cadence wasn't one, because she was too young, and mostly— because penny never allowed her to. she was salt air and outdoor exercise, brisk to the touch and harsh to the bone. the rest was hers to bear. ❝   nothing that has happened or, or, or - COULD happen, would change that. where would you ... even get that from? i don't understand.   ❞

from there, it's a stare down of generations. trauma buried in a box of sand and sealed with a cashmere bow. maybe this is her punishment for not being made for softer things. for not cradling or coddling. TO BE FAIR: cadence had never needed either of those things. cadence the first, daughter of the century; perfect in every way perfect penny could have ever wanted and strives for her to be. and NOW! it gets thrown in her face. what kind of ice cream is in the freezer? ❝   and if i was spinning out of control i would want somebody to grab me by the shoulders and stop me too. THAT'S what i am TRYING to do.   ❞ she doesn't throw the pillow like she wants to, rather sets it gently to her side and shakes out her hands as she stands from the divorce couch.. ❝   you need to get a hold of yourself. be normal. because you are.   ❞ it's the only thing she has, THESE SINCLARIAN WAYS. if she loses them— her entire life ceases to make any sense AT ALL. ❝   if i'm going to take you to beechwood.   ❞

her hands wave out in front of her gesturing towards cadence's new hair. "it's a big change." a tense smile settling on her face. nowadays, she spent evenings imaging how mirren would change over the years. if she would dye her hair, if she'd get piercings. she still feels robbed of seeing who she would become. still, there was no time for looking backwards during the day. for now they all had to play their roles.