#1980 cop

It had been 5 days since Good Cop had spoken to Benny. In the month following Bad Cops strange disappearance from their lives Good had been in a constant state of distress. But it had been a month, and though the wounds were fresh, Benny was hoping that things were at least going to be ok. Then Good stopped talking. Then he started ignoring Benny altogether.

At first, Benny just assumed he was mourning, and needed his space. He knew back when Good had been silenced Bad would sometimes spend hours not talking, withdrawn into himself. Eventually though, Bad would snap out of it and start talking again, and even though he knew the loss was taking a great toll on him, he would still smile and hug Benny and things would go back to normal. Or at least as normal as they could be.

But this was different. Good was still walking around, still eating and sleeping, but it seemed like he was avoiding Benny at all costs. Benny didn't want to believe it, but after the 4th day of crushing quiet and sideways glances, of Good staying as far to one side of the couch, the room, the bed, he knew something was wrong. Something beyond just Bad disappearing.

He had tried to reach out to Good that night, after an unanswered ‘Sleep well, I love you.’ he scooted over to Good’s side of the bed and wrapped his arms around him. It was a simple gesture that had once been so common between him and the cops, but the moment Benny’s arms touched him Good got up and made for the door, taking a pillow and his glasses with him. He ignored the astronaut’s confused calls and eventually found his way to the couch. Benny too heartbroken and confused to follow him, instead spend the night clutching a pillow, trying desperately to quiet his sobs, feeling useless and wishing more than anything that Bad was still here so that they could help Good together.

After the 5th day, Benny knew he needed to confront Good about what was going on. He spent the whole day thinking about how to approach him, how to bring it up, what to say. He tried not to think about it but he was terrified of what Good would say. What if he had done something wrong? What if Good didn't want to be with him anymore? He knew that sometimes things like this broke people apart, but he didn't think he could handle losing Good too.  By the afternoon he had worried himself sick and by dinner he was close to breaking down. He sat across from Good, poking at a frozen dinner and trying to avoid looking at him. After what felt like hours Benny looked up and spoke, “Good I-” but he was interrupted almost immediately by the cop.

“Benny we need to talk.” The man’s voice was quiet and horse with disuse. Benny was stunned and it took him a moment to regain his senses, before he swallowed nervously and put his fork down.

“Y-yes?” He hated the way his voice wavered but he couldn't shake the worry that crept through him.

“I think...I think that you should go.” The cop didn't look up Benny’s breath hitched in his throat painfully. He swallowed again, trying to calm himself but the panic almost overwhelmed him.

“What?” He gasped out.

“I don’t think...that we should be together anymore. I think that you should go.”

Benny could only stare at Good, hoping, praying that this wasn't really happening. It couldn’t be. Good was just playing some kind of joke. Any second now he would look up and smile and Benny would tell him exactly how unfunny this was. But as the moments dragged by Good only sat there, eyes glued to his meal, saying nothing.

The tears welled in his eyes and he didn't even try to stop them. He looked helplessly at Good trying to understand, to find the words, to demand an explanation, but all he could do was croak out a broken “Why?” as the tears found their way down his cheeks.

He could have sworn he saw Good flinch when he spoke but it was so subtle that he couldn't be sure. The cop took a long time to respond, but after a while he breathed deeply and said

“Because,” He paused again, he silent seconds ticking by in agony for Benny, “Because I dont....I...dont Lov...”

Good stopped, and for the first time in days Benny saw a trace of emotion cross his face. His eyes flicked back and forth across his plate, and his hands gripped the table so hard his knuckles turned white and Benny could feel him shaking though the wood.

“B-because I dont....I dont-” The man’s voice broke and he quickly bent his head down, resting his face on the table. Benny looked on in pain and fear as Good’s shoulder shook and he desperately whispered “Im sorry, Im so sorry please just go, please.”

Benny quietly stood, wiping away his tears as best he could before walking over to Good. He gently placed a hand on the cop’s back and asked, “Good....what’s going on?”

Good only shook Benny’s hand off, “Please...please just go...” he sobbed, barely able to get the words out.

“No, Im not going anywhere.” Benny felt anger flare in his chest, “You-you ignore me all week, not saying anything or even looking at me, even walking away when I try to show you any affection, and now you ask me to leave just like that!? Even since Bad has been gone you’ve been distant and I get it if you need your space thats fine but I miss him just as much as you do-”

“Exactly!” Benny froze as Good’s snapped. Eventually the cop looked up and locked eyes with the astronaut, “Bad Cop is gone......and you should go too.”

Benny felt the anger flare up again, more in annoyance than actual rage, “What are you talking about!?”

“You and Bad were together before I was even in the picture. You had a thing. And sure, you brought me into it, but it was awkward I knew how weird it made you feel!” Good’s gaze shifted back to the table and he sighed, “I know you don’t love me like you loved him, and I’m sick of waiting around for you to leave, so Im telling you now. Just go.”

Benny stared at Good Cop in disbelief. Was this really what he thought? That He was just going to up and leave because Bad Cop wasn't around anymore? That he didn't love him?

“How can you think that?” Benny whispered quietly.

“Because its true.”

Benny felt the tears well up again as he stared down at the cop.  Quickly he kneeled down and took Good’s hands in his own, and Good turned to look at him, but shifted his gaze away again.

“Good look at me.” the cop obliged and Benny reached a hand up to cup his cheek before continuing.

“Good, I’m not going anywhere, ever. Not even if you told me to leave every day for the rest of forever. I wouldnt listen. Because I love you, just as much as I loved Bad. And nothing can change that.”

Good felt the tears roll down his cheeks but he kept his gaze averted.

“I....I’m sorry that I didn't work harder to help you see that. But I’m here, ok? You have me. And things are gonna be hard for a long time, but.....We have eachother, right?”

There was a long silence before Good looked at Benny, finally making eye contact. Eventually Good nodded, before breaking down into tears again. He slid out of his chair onto the ground with Benny and let the astronaut envelope him in his arms, clutching back tightly and burying his head in his shoulder. The cop sobbed out apology after apology, begging for forgiveness, and that only made Benny hold him tighter. He murmured softly in the cop’s ear that he forgave him and that everything would be ok, and continued to hold him and whisper quietly until Good’s sobs began to lessen.

When at last Good’s breathing evened Benny pulled away. Good’s glasses were askew and his face blotchy, but the spaceman only smiled and began to wipe away the wetness that still dotted the cop’s face.

“So no more keeping stuff like this bottled up, alright?”

“Alright.”