#18022023

Sevmeyi istemekle sevmek farklı şeylermiş. Hayatım boyunca hep birilerini seveyim istedim. Galiba. Kendimi kaybettim. Kendimi buldum. Birilerini sevmeye çalışırken sürekli kendimle tanıştım. Yol beni hiçbir zaman birine ulaştırmadı. Hep kendime tosladım. 

but it’s already too late. i have stopped loving less in the past year, i wanted to be so much softer than all of the violence i grew up in. i grew out of it. i made the choice to acknowledge the broken pieces of myself and pour my love into the cracks. it worked, you see. it was always just love. the way i fought myself through the heartbreak, through my own silence, until in the end, the silhouette became clear. it was me standing there in the fog all along and i finally do see clearly. i have not said i would not fall. i have never pretended to want anything else but love. and it’s already too late. the girl in the mirror wears my eyes, and i can already see the light shining through them.