Apr 26
Robert and all the pet names Kev gave him Robert Sugden Week 2026 - Day 7 : Free space
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Robert and all the pet names Kev gave him Robert Sugden Week 2026 - Day 7 : Free space
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Anatomie eines Selbst
There is this part of a poem that I read some time ago. "I like to pretend I already died and asked God to send me back so I can swim in the lake one more time."
And last night I dreamed I was an old witch, who had lost her two daughters. I was the old woman, I was both of her daughters. And at the end of the dream I was myself, standing in a beautiful luscious green garden at dawn, looking at a tiny cottage. Living in the cottage an old confused woman who thought I was her daughter on some days. But I wasn't. I was her, 50 years younger and with a whole life still to live. I cared for her. All I saw was an old, kind but broken woman who deserved peace. I woke up with the feeling of having put her to rest.
The first tattoo I ever got is the symbol of the triple moon goddess, symbolizing the maiden, the mother and the crone. All the women I had to be in order to survive my childhood.
I don't have to pretend that I already died. I raised myself from the dead and kicked in the front door to make this house my home again. I came back to smell the autumn air once more like I did as a child. I came back to hug my friends a million times over. I came back to have egg yolk drip down my fingers, spill my tea, talk too much, have tears drip down my face, eat the whole pizza, dress up with my best friend and always take one more walk through the park. To hear our laughs echoing. To swim through the lake. To lay on your chest and run my fingers through your hair. I didn't come back to be easy on the eyes and unmemorable. I didn't ask anyone to be send back. I came back because my life is a green garden and it's always warm enough to stand at the crack of dawn and watch over the whole landscape. I came back because I will cherish it until it is me in that tiny cottage, ready to find peace. I have a whole life until then. And I will live the hell out of my life.